Where are these married ppl going??

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Being a witness of similar kind of a things, forced me to open this thread. I m not even sure, how i m gona put what i wana say here but i will try.

I m an average person, not so passive who stays home all his life neither the one whos into clubs & parties (i m sure things over there will be more worse) I m not taking any names here, but i will be qouting some incidents, i wont be going into details just the main idea.

This guy (i know him very well) had a relationship with this girl, she got married & today she have a baby girl 7-8 months old now. & she is still dating with him ( when i use word date it means alone in a room for 2-3 hours, not just having dinner & yes i m a witness of what i m talking about) she gave him 3 diaries which she used to write every day (i have seen those randomly) & each page contains how she feels about him, how shes incomplete without him & so on. & how much hate she do to his husband.

I know this another guy, when his cell was out of order for about 2 weeks i received calls for him on mine, another married lady crazy about this guy, though i did got msgs like ask him to be at my place on following time, i never wirnessed that.

Another guy i know met this lady on MSN, married with 3 kids, i have seen logs & live chat of them & yes i have seen him talking on phone, i can assure u he is just another copy of shahrukh khans intense dialougs & convincing her that he is deeply in love with her. she used to convince him i m married have kids u r too young, its a patch it will go away, we are only good friends etc, … i saw that lady too, & i knew they were meeting on KFC’s McDonals from time to time. Just recently after a bit long time when we met, he said u wana see something, & showed us the web cam’s pics proudly, finally he made her do it.

I live in Pakistan, an Islamic country, like i said i m not even into those clubs & parties, i dont know how worse things are there. maybe few years back when i was teen i would have enjoyed the subject, but today… today i get scared. the whole concept of words, sister, wife, mother etc gets change. where are we going ? if this is the situation with ladies, what will be going on in males world ? i m sure it would be more deeper.

I will still not blame those ladies as much as i will those guys, bcos the way they talk its just so amazing, its like a game for them, they are the players of words & they know how to catch a fish. But still dont those ladies have a lil brains…or maybe thats what they want too.

i really get scared, tomorrow i will be a married person, i will be a father of daughters, this is definatly not the place i want my kids rto be raised, its not that i dont trust them, its that i dont trust those ppl.

i dont know if i m clear what i wanted to say … but i just wanted to let it out.

God bless us All from any kind of Evil.

:bravo:

2

wow I don't have anything to say but yes it is scary

But also, how come these MARRIED women can get a guy and I a SINGLE female cant seem to find somone! WOOOOOOOOOW

3

Intrestingly, (just my observation of few ppl) married womans take lesser time to be convinced for that rather than single.

i dont know the reason, thirst for that, bad husband, arrange marriege, where they never wanted to get married, factor of there age when hubby dont say those beautiful woirds anymore & some one young handsome things shes the princess… i just dont know what ever the reason is it should be killed befoire it kills us all.

:bravo:

4

this is really scary. shows the corrupt state of our society.

5

:sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep:

6

:(.. thats it i am sending my daughter to afganistan and my son to umm.. saudi?.. j/k

it is scary though.. as the world getting smaller day by day and more the information is easily accessible.. some how, even if the life is geting more comfortable, there is an addition of worries as well. Allah reham karay sab par.. ameeen :flower1:

7

The world is full of all kinds of people and marital infidelity is not just limited to Hollywood movies or western culture. While it will be incorrect to generalize, or even extrapolate, such random instances; there is no denying that there are people, both men and women, who, somehow, always feel dissatisfied with their partner, and keep on looking for better and better. For some, it may not just be a dissatisfaction, but merely the thrill of indulging and being naughty, and not getting caught.

Fortunately, for the most part, with age and experience, people get matured and do not fall for temptations, with any Tom, Dick and Harry they meet in the supermarket or an internet chatroom. Some people, on the other hand, refuse to grow up and continue to be enslaved by their most base carnal desires. There is nothing to appreciate about marital infidelity, anyway.

*>>i really get scared, tomorrow i will be a married person, i will be a father of daughters, this is definatly not the place i want my kids rto be raised, its not that i dont trust them, its that i dont trust those ppl. *

You will find these sort of characters and instances, in any part of the world, as long as you live with other human beings. So, it doesn't help to be scared or irrational about it. For each incidence like you quoted, there are a millions where men and women live happy satisfied lives with their spouses and no pre-marital and extra-marital affairs. Proper upbringing of children, with correct values and a confident personality is the responsibility of the parents, and if you do that properly, then whereever you live, you will not have to face such issues, Insha Allah.

8

Thank You Faisal, that was the only helpful reply i got so far, i appreciated it.

The only two things that irritates/scares me are :

  1. In past i didnt witness much things like that, now i see/hear/read things like that more often, i dont know if it has started recently with those settelight media’s which our poor mindes could not handle or was i just too young & i never noticed the things.

  2. the way i have seen these few ppl treating those ladies is just amazing ,…i dont know what to call it, lets call it a perfect acting, the voice controll, the perfect dialouges everything, the way they talk is enough to convince someone he can die for u, for an eaverage female it sure will be hard to resist she must be strong to resist him & just after she has left they are diffrent person, those ladies are not the only ladies in their life.

anyways.

i dont have words to say more, i m hurt, scared, & trusting ppl is getting hard for me. used to trust anyone & everyone, not anymore.

:bravo:

9

JonyBr I can understand your feeling one of my used to be friends turned the bad way and I witnessed the change in him myself. You are right it's ugly, so ugly that it's scary.

But as faizy said you can't run from things, you'll have to stand up to them and face them. (Y) SO don't worry and keep faith. Every thing will turn out fine InshAllah

10

its every husbands nightmare...it usually happens when the girl has to marry someone she doesnt want to..forced marriages basically..i think if the girl comes from a good family and is happy married to her husband then i really doubt she would fall for anyone..not even me i bet lol

guys usually wanna go after married women because they dont have to worry bout commitment..they are only after one thing

11

Many Muslims get married for the same reasons as many non-Muslims would. Many marriages are based around materialism and for example look at how men have to qualify to marry a woman. He must be a doctor and all this nonsense. He must be rich etc. When a man loses his job or takes a paycut to do a more fulfilling job then the whole basis of the marriage is gone for the woman. He doesn't have money or that status so what is left for her, nothing. That is the sorry state that many men face, a lot of Muslim marriages are based around material gain and this is one factor that can lead marriages to fail.

Second is the idea of what a perfect man should be. Just like men have magazines,TV portraying what makes a beautiful woman, the women have their magazines saying that a perfect man is this, that etc. and if a man can't live up to this then they may feel they could do better.
Also if the woman is getting attention from men which uis typical in a Western society she will see in her eyes that she can do better.

Promiscuity is generally encouraged not just for men but also for women so this idea of sanctity of marriage is slowly dying and it is now fashionable for a woman to be able to have many partners and the challenge of attaining partners. This idea of being a bit naughty that Faisal spoke of is very true.

With promiscuity many woman may have had partners previously so their current partner does not live upto a previous partner whether it be personality traits like a previous partner had a good sense of humour and physical traits like her previous man was better in bed.

We are told in society that we are free to do as we please. Every human being has instincts and urges which need to be regulated but in this society we are told we are free to do as we please, so i have a sexual urge which needs to be fulfilled and society tells me to simply follow my desires and be promiscuous. It does that through many of it's mediums so instead of regulating this desire which to give an example, the Islamic state did through covering of women, promotion of marriage, punishment for pre marital sex. The punishment wasn't needed often but the law itself showed it was unacceptable and many other example which the Islamic state gave us to regulate our desires and to fulfil them correctly. Now in this society people follow desires like animals and the society is corrupt and although they try to tell us people make society, society makes people so the action of people will reflect society.

There are many factors that lead to dis-satisfaction. A nice analogy is Maslows hierarchy of needs where we are encouraged to work to self actualisation(basically perfect bliss) and in society we are always told to aspire to this but it is not possible.

Western society is full of individuals who are uncertain and insecure and this has extended to our countries where this culture of the West is being encouraged.

For your questions. Simply our lands are becoming more Westernised and Western behaviour is becoming more normal in our lands so it is becoming more apparent and public rather than behind closed doors like they used to be. This is a result of the new breed of Western culture that has infiltrated Pakistan.

For the second question it is just risk factor which is seen as enjoyable in this society just like bungee jumpiong as an example. Being with a married woman is that and you speak about them having more women, well that's promiscuity for you and the whole player culture kicking in.

Faisal you speak about parental influence. I thnik the way parents deal with their children needs to change. Simply telling a child what is right and what is wrong is not the answer because when they are teens and older society tells them what is right and what is wrong, society normally is victorious.
An example is a Muslim who wears a hijab because her mother wears it and not because Allah says wear it.
Parents need to stop building blind faith and just saying, pray, fast, don't have sex but actually build their children more thoroughly so that when society comes to effect them, they choose Allah rather than the West.

Dealing with Western society is a challenge for any Muslim but for those who deal with this society succesfully and live by Islam the fruits of the hereafter await Insha'allah.

12

Jonybr; it seems like you have pity for those women and you feel like men are mistreating them. I don't see any reason to feel sorry for those women, if they are being fooled by men than that is totally their own fault. they are responsible for their deeds , saying that men are fooling them sounds inappropriate. Because that way you are blaming men, how do you know those ladies are being fooled and not fooling.

This is disappointing , I didnt knew east has become morally that corrupt.

13

Very sad. :(. Didn't know stuff like this really happens in real life. But truly, it's not just the guys to be blamed, it's the women as well. And married on top of that....truly sad.

Q. Infidelity is definitely gross, but what about all these casual flirtations that go on on chats and all that? Plenty married people there. That's a kind of infidelity too, isn't it?

But what if all the parties don't mean any harm, they're just doing mazak-masti with each other to liven up their lives a bit, and they all know it? Would that still be infidelity?

Allah SWT hum saab ko shaitan sey bachai. Ameen.

14

Some scary stuff indeed.
I mean I totally understand when you say that you don’t want your kids to be growing up in such an environment. But I don’t think there is a place where your child can have an ideal child hood. I mean what sort of a Islamic country is Pakistan, with this sort of stuff going on, I mean I knew pretty bad stuff was happening nowadays but this just tops them all. I won’t say anything about Pakistan, because it’s not the country but the people, anyways going back to the original topic, but like someone already said, you’ve got to face up to these problems and find a way how to deal with it.
But if these people are having an affair behind their husband’s back, there must be some sorta problem with the husband cause no true wife, who loves are husband would do this and eastern women are known for their faithfullness, well until now they were anyway.

15

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Bismah: *

But if these people are having an affair behind their husband’s back, there must be some sorta problem with the husband cause no true wife, who loves are husband would do this and eastern women are known for their faithfullness, well until now they were anyway.
[/QUOTE]

what?? why blaming husbands? why women in pakistani culture are always portrayed as innocents, victims, and repressive.
whatever those women are doing is absolutely their own lowness and immorality. I don't think there is any need to find a cause and blame men for what women are sinning.
I wonder why even prostitutes in east are seen as innocent victims.

16

Jhankar i agree with you. Why does everyone assume a woman is innocent. Meeting a man behind a husbands back hardly constitutes this faithfulness that you speak of. That is just in the story books. The reality is that women in Pakistan partake in these acts and it is no surprose and in my last thread i spoke about social change in Pakistan.

Bismah you speak about the people and make that devoid of Pakistan.
It is Pakistani society that creates this attitude. Peoples actions reflect society. The West can tell you as much as they like that people foem society but in reality society forms people. I don't think i need to go into all the mediums eg Western globalisation of their culture and companies into Pakistan. Pakistan is becoming more Westernised as a society and it is society that defines what is acceptable and what is not. That is the exact reason that pre marital sex is acceptable currently when in the past this was seen as evil. Many examples in the west such as homosexuality and how it has become acceptable etc.

You should blame the people but you should also blame the source friom which thet got these attitudes and that is from the West using Pakistan so don't leave Pakistan out as it is the ruling body in Pakistan who allow and encourage these attitudes.

The scary thing is that things could very easily get worse. I heard that in San Francisco there is a gay Muslim group called Fatiha who speak of a gay friendly Quran and how Allah loves Gay people. This is the extent that Muslims can be affected by Western society, that they take Western culture as their own.

17

Actually, I'm going to have to commend you on bring this fact of reality out in to the open as to what is actually going on in pakistan.
I live in the western world and I don't think this is just a problem of becoming westernized, it's about morality. It's funny actually people that I know say that these kinds of things don't happen in pakistan and they think that children raised here will be led astray but that is not true.

Why is that all these problems in pakistani society are being blamed on westernization? People need to take responsibility for their own actions.
This is not just a western issue. Stop blaming magazines, TV look within yourselves and clean up your own dirty laundry before pointing fingers.

I'm sorry to say that these women who live in a such a so-called morally sound country make other women look bad. It's disgusting and gives marriage a bad name. For once, I'm glad that someone has lifted the covers of some of these incidents and made these sick affairs apparent. Actually people in the western world are also under the illusion that desi bahus or far more moral.......which is an understatement.

18

It's not useful to reduce thisdiscussion to steroetypes such as "desi bahus are..." or "paki man are..." etc. etc. Let's look a little deeper.

Obviously, the moral state of a society is seen from the behaviour of the people who comprise it.

I think that for far too long we have hidden behind the curtain of Islamic moralism without understanding that claiming to be a muslim or reading the Qur'an is not enough to make you a muslim. Islamic laws imposed from above don't necessarily make a moral state.

That's why I have often wondered whether religion shouldn't be like the membership of a political party - decide if it fits you when you are an adult and capable of understanding the implications and accepting the commitment. Then there is more desire to work and maintain the values that the religion stands for. Simply being born into a religious family can mean nothing. (On the other hand it can mean everything)

All around us society is in a state of chaos. Traditional values are in chaos and we have many unhappy people, numerous examples of people who "break the rules" and get away with it or are even rewarded for it, values turned on their head (with money and immediate personal pleasure taking precedence over long term planning and thinking of others). Pakistan is no exception. The only way is to be courageous, try and choose friends for yourself and family who have similar values, build good relationships and have faith.

Besides the endless awful and discouraging things that happen in the world there are also many wonderful ones. And a very important ability that all of us should cultivate is that of looking into something negative and learning something, about what we want to achieve in life. Johnny, you have already seen some very upsetting things. A suggestion: have you asked yourself if you could try and find another bunch of friends? It may take time and courage but I'm sure you will be able to find companions who place much more store by marital fidelity than the ones you have now.

19

Tassavur i'll explain to you why i blame Westernisation. I don't blame it solely but it is the main catalyst for why their is infidelity and immorality.
You say it is not just a Western issue well of course it isn't just in the West, the West is in Pakistan and in every other Muslim country.

Society in Pakistan tells us what is acceptable and what is not. That is why in Western society you have anorexics who want to be models becuase a model figure is what is pushed as correct in society. Where do we learn the morality that you speak of, we learn it from society. In the West it is acceptable and encouraged to have casual sex. Western culture is on the up in Pakistan and more people define what is right and what is wrong from society and in Pakistan's case, a corrupt society. Society is corrupt so it will make corrupt people.

Shirin yopu mention Islamic Laws not improving people. I'll explain this as well. If the society is based solely on Islam where Islam is pushed as good and Kufr as bad then you will see Islamically inclined people. For example instead of pubs you will have mosques, instead of bikinis you will have hijab. Society makes people and if the society is based around Islam then the majority will be Islamic. Muslims will learn what is right and what is wrong from the society which in this case is Islamic. Obviously there will be people who are corrupt but that is why Allah has given us a punishment system. Today however there is no such thing as an Islamic system and the only time that I won't be worried to get married and have kids is when the rule is by Islam and when the society is based around Islam.

20

Jonny Bravo,

Well this is indeed scarry, I must say.

As for what Majestic and Surror has said let me just say that , don't think in these terms and never fall for such people. Suroor you think that the Saudi society is indeed a very pure and pristine soiciety. Well, I have heard and only I repeat I have heard and that too from many people that women there as well are equally frutrated. Reasons can be many. One can be that men there have so many wives in that case the wives are left alone , thus they are compelled to lure other men to fulfill their desires.

Such instances make me ask such questions. Is it because of the extreme nature of the societies that such things take place? Western societies are highly liberal ones and the other ones particularly the one mentionesd above a conservative, suppressed society.

Coming to the actual topic, Well Jonny , I would say that such things have been going on from timesimmemorial But true due to the proliferation of media of communication these things are now becoming more rampant in oursocieties. While our existing social evils are brought to the fore, the other more henious moral and unethical practices are subtely penetrating our societies.
You know what Jonny, actually these things and practices do exist But because we are brought up in such a protected environment that we think that we are living in a pure and clean society. Male and female infidelity isn't something new. However, once we enter Univeristiues and Colleges and meet people of all hues and colours and from different social settings, we find it hard to comprehend such malpractices that goes around us. We find a strange abberation that shatters our world around us.
In my limited view and I might be wrong, please correct me in that regard But I have found that people belonging to the upper class and those from the lower strata of the society are more prone to such practices. ( It can be a distorted image of things or ratter a generalization but i am pondering on this issue)
My only advice and if you want to pay heed to it would be that it is because of your upbringing that made you notice such things and made you question whats wrong so donot worry about it. In particular donot be distressed ( i know its easier said than done) but just because you are amazed at the character of some women , please never in your own life be suspicious of the women you know. I know people witnessing such things starts looking at every thing with suspicion.