So my question is…what do you do when you go back to Pakistan in terms of going out to eat, giving gifts etc?
In my own experience, whenever we (as in cousins) would go out to eat, I’d pay for all the food…whenever I had to go shopping, I would take a cousin with me and it was understood I’d pay for the riksha and food. Now, I’m not complaining, that’s just how it was and I didn’t have issues wiht it but there were others who did try to put a negative spin on it and I felt their points were equally valid.
Also, since this was my first time going back after so long and I felt like taking gifts for them, and for the most part I don’t regret it at all.
The way I see it, its not like I expect anybody to reciprocate financially…the ways in which they show their care and resepct, cannot be measured in gifts or money…I mean is this right, or am I just setting a bad example and letting myself be used, as I was told?
When I go back I always pay for food when eating out but thats with my siblings .... then with cousins its like, treat for this or that ....they always come up with something that is treatable and I end up paying.
As for gifts, I usually get soemthing for everyone but I have decided I will not buy anything for anyone except for siblings and younger bil/sil this time.
I decided this beacuase my visits have become more frequent and it is becoming very expensive to buy all those tickets and then gifts and then when you are there, you have to spend money to move around, eat out, shopping etc
I think desi mentality is that if you are coming from abroad you must bring gifts !!!!
Ofcourse for you parents, siblings you want to buy stuff yourself but its the other relatives who expect it too ....
when you give it to them , they are like "is ki kya zaroorat thee, tum khud milne aa gaye yehi kafi he " but in case you did not get them anything, they would not be very happy about it.
I have an uncle who would expect like really some expensive stuff for him, either designer clothes or perfumes ... nothing less than that is good enough for him !!!! c'mon you are not even my blood relative
then i have this aunt who thinks that everything is either of $1 or maximum $10 in US ... she came to visit US like 20 yrs ago and I guess she thinks the prices are still the same
then half of the people think that since i and husband both are working and earning in $$, we must be millionaires !!! and here we are , still renting apartment
and ofcourse we will be paid in $$ ... cannot get salary in Pakistani Rupees
what they do not realize is that not only we earn $, we spend $ too
Its those kind of relatives that irk me but in answer to your original post , yes I do get gifts and most of the time pay for food and travel but sometimes my cousins/bil/sil would insist on paying for the food too.
We always pay for the food and transportation. I think it is just polite to take care of the people who are spending time with you. We never accept gifts/cash from any one because we don't want to burden anyone.
I never take gifts for anyone other than my parents & siblings and my husband's parents & siblings and we pay when we're eating out with immediate family only.
Shopping is also done with immediate family only.
when us cousins go out to eat my older brother always pays...and when its family my dad always pays..
oh dear do not get me started on gifts...my pupo (shes like 50) insisted that i buy her GHD's as well as the 'latest' phone...a cousin of mine is ver specific and wants make up from benefit, now...i have no idea how she even knows about the benefit make up brand..i refused both and said it is too expensive...as they know i have a part time job they were very sneaky to ask me directly rather than my dad...hmmm...
That is so true. I remember we used to stay with relatives and I never realized, how annoying it was to have guests in your home for so long but Mashallah everyone was so great, nobody ever said or did anything to make us feel less than welcome…
I think if the relatives you meet are good and decent and treat you so well, it’s the least you can do.
Lol…well none of my relatives have asked me for super expensive gifts and for going out to eat, well I don’t take them to super expensive places Also, they’re young and not working, so why shouldn’t I treat the kids at least once while I’m there?
When it comes to gifts we only take little things like makeup, aftershaves, psp games and clothing (my cousins usually ask for jeans, shorts, nothing major).. Now and then a digital camera or something similar, but it’s defo not a regular thing and if they asked all the time we would prob say ‘no’, just on principle
Some of them come here quite a lot tho for holidays so when they want laptops or new phones they buy themselves..
I only thought it happened with my family, it seems like it happens with everyone!!
Its us that usually pays for everything, the transportation, food etc. My khalo's the one whose always like they have $$$ so they can pay. Some of my cousins ask for stuff that are really expensive here which we usually dont buy it over here.
Also in pak most of the people thinks its $$$ that's why its ok to spend.
Sometimes it depends family to family, when we went to london my cousin expected us to buy his ticket and when they came over here last year they also expected us to buy their entry ticket. These cousins are really well off, and its not like they couldnt afford it or anything. The thing is my parents have "lihaz" of everyone (because their the youngest) thats why they just do it, sometimes it just gets too much.
In my family, whoever is visiting usually pays for everything. If I take my cousins with me for shopping or something, I usually pay for transportation, food etc. Its a lot of burden for them to pay for things you want to do. They do take their time out for you, I think for me that's more than enough. Not very many people even do that.
No one in my family ever ASK for anything when we go back except medicines they might need from here. We do however, take gifts for almost all our close relatives. I have always seen my mom do it. Sometimes 2-3 people from my family go the same year.... my dad, my brother or sister, my mom sends gifts each time even if its something very small.
my brother travels very frequently from abroad to pakistan and back, MashaAllah. so at first , he used to bring lots of gifts for every person in our relatives' family like every kid of mamoo, every kid of khala etc. then he used to bring only household things for a family as lotion or apron , etc but now he is of the strategy that when u visit Pakistan, don't bring anything with u - u know less luggage and less expensive, simply go back home and buy something from there as lawn suit, any khusa, bags and present them with it.
my brother travels very frequently from abroad to pakistan and back, MashaAllah. so at first , he used to bring lots of gifts for every person in our relatives' family like every kid of mamoo, every kid of khala etc. then he used to bring only household things for a family as lotion or apron , etc but now he is of the strategy that when u visit Pakistan, don't bring anything with u - u know less luggage and less expensive, simply go back home and buy something from there as lawn suit, any khusa, bags and present them with it.
thts a great idea.. lol
but wht if they find out tht the item is from pakistan? lol
thts a great idea.. lol
but wht if they find out tht the item is from pakistan? lol
offcourse they know it. aray baba lawn k suit koi bahir se thori laata hai, but the thing is that according to my cousins that these things are more useful as they get to use it everyday like suits or bags , the ladies are happy with it, and as for boys , u may get them some gadget but u can get it for them from any shop here as now everything is available in pakistan
