When should disciplining start?

hareem01 · December 11, 2008, 6:52pm

ok so now we’re cooking with oil and getting somewhere!!

So Hareem you say

"I think you are again completely misunderstanding the concept of “no descipline before 7” , you’re taking it as “no teaching or no exposing to manners”.

When you teach a child manners, I consider that to be discipline. When you impose a schedule on a child (certain time for breakfast, lunch, dinner, play, learning) thats discipline. Here is a definition of the word from Wikipedia:

To discipline thus means to instruct a person or animal to follow a particular code of conduct, or to adhere to a certain “order.” Consequently, "in the field of child development, discipline refers to methods of modeling character and of teaching self-control and acceptable behavior.

I think the reason that we are at odds over all of this is the misunderstandings of words and their meanings. Like in your recent reply, you talk about splashing in puddles and how this will not turn them into monsters…of course youre right - in a certain context. But allow a child to splash ALL day in puddles cause they want to…yup that will turn them into monsters. Children need some structure in their day - right from the start and theres no denying this.

Your method of teaching prayer to your children is beautiful. But you cannot apply that approach to things like … say your child refuses to eat. Or to listen to you when you very lovingly tell him/her not to stick their finger in the electrical outlet. Unless you are always within arm’s reach of your child, the potential for accidents are uncountable lol! Parents need to use stern voice sometimes, no doubt about that. What if your child decides that they dont like Grandpa and they decide that the best way to express this is to bite him? Manners need to be enforced in some way…again not to beat them up but perhaps send them on a time out…you must have faced situations like this at least once or twice I’m sure.

Discipline in no way means to beat them up, hit or humiliate them…it simply means to teach them. I have no misunderstanding about this at all…mine are all well-behaved due to the style in which I’ve been raising them. The other family which I spoke of do not discipline their child (apparently) at all and he has huge issues and thats what I was trying to point out…(again, see the definition of the word discipline).

You get really defensive, to the point that you dont really see that we are pretty much in agreement on the best ways to raise a child.

Yes I agree…except the bolded part, discipline also means to punish and hitting is a way of punishing.

I think when the kid bites his grandpa, for the first time it should be ignored (which is very hard specially for grandpa lol) then if he does it again the kid should be told (not in front of others) that it’s not nice etc…if he does it again then the time out part should come may be with serious voice but without getting angry.

hareem01 · December 11, 2008, 6:55pm

I didn't put words in your mouth....you said you completely disagree with my statement that is " show no anger before the age of 7"....that means you think we should get angry at kids under 7, no?

CE · December 11, 2008, 7:08pm

ok depends on the age of the kid, but if it was a toddler aged 2 and upwards then they need to be told what they did was wrong first time....

and this is why talking to ur child is important. u tell the child that what they just did has made grandpa said and made him feel hurt, ask them "how would they feel if someone did tht to them", "would they like it" etc.. etc...

if the child has the understanding, in most cases the child shouldnt do it agian...:)