when rishta comes...

[Omer259]

Re: when rishta comes…

@lafuriaroja

It really isn’t that simple in the West to just go ask another desi person about the person you’re interested in. Out of all the rishta offers I had, I got references from relatives and friends in Pakistan and that was it. Beyond that nobody in our social circle knew the person or their family. The relatives and friends in Pakistan knew OF them but not about them so they could hardly give much information about the kind of families they were. So in that case if we wanted to investigate the only option we did have was to call up the university and ask about a person.

With a population of 300 million and an area of 9 million km2, the chances of knowing those minorities spread out all over are pretty slim. Yes sometimes you’re lucky and someone knows someone who knows this person etc. But most of the time you’re not that lucky, and you hear from someone that hey there’s this 26 year old investment banker living in nyc, i’ll give you their contact info. The guy could easily be a taxi driver or from a drug lords family or anything. The onus lies on you to ensure that the person is suitable, and if that means you have to ask proof that he/she actually has a job because you have no other way of verifying it then so be it.

Also I know of a specific case where this lady from a very well educated rich family in Pakistan didn’t want her son to marry her niece in the states (her family kept asking for his hand in marriage I guess) so she knowingly told them the contact of a guy who’s father was a criminal. By the time the family found out it was already too late because the wedding preparations were completed. Thats a case where someones own sister screwed them over so she could get them off her back. You cannot account for other peoples actions all you can do is take the responsibility on yourself to ensure that your son/daughter is getting married to the right person.

I agree with you and you have a valid point, but what I do not understand is why would anyone even think about making a decision about their son/daughter’s life and involve with people who they do not trust enough to have to demand education, salary proof. Let’s say the education and salary checks out, where do you draw the line, would you ask about proof of ever statement/claim they make. How can a relationship grow if there is lack of trust to begin with?. Instead of shooting in the dark and thinking everyone is out there to defraud you, isn’t it better to involve yourself with people you know. Sure, Frauds can happen there too, but so can they even after full background check. You can never predict anyone’s personality and how he/she will behave in the future.