when rishta comes...

[Sehrysh]

Re: when rishta comes…

@Omer259

Sorry if that comment hurt you in any way. It was only directed to the person it was intended for. If you think you are fair, then you would also critisize Reha for abusing my family,my country, but which you didn’t mention in your complaint. Your only worry was my comment about women in the west. what about her crazy rants?

Shall I make the point that you started it by calling people who choose other methods of investigation jaahil or lower-class? But here are your own words just in case you forgot what you wrote:

@Omer259

In my opinion, amongst families that are educated and shareef, this does not happen as they meet other families through their connections and relatives/friends. This could probably be happening in lower class uneducated families where there is not enough trust and greed is definitely a factor.

which you then compounded by saying:

@Omer259

**I am saying that people who are demanding proofs are lower class and jahil. **This is no different than asking for proof that a male owns land or the girl is a virgin, as is done in villages in Pakistan.
If your social circle of friends, relatives and acquaintances are so untrustworthy and “Fraudiya” that you do not trust them and you have to demand proof of degrees and salary information, then by all means go ahead and do the complete background check. However, in most good families I know a brief and discreet background check is done, without having to resort to crude tactics of asking for showing degrees and pay checks.

and then you said…

@Omer259

You think you are better than someone just because you live in the west. Frankly, the problem with people like you is that you have an inferiority complex. Couldn’t really cut it in Pakistan, was always envious of the rich and elite in Pakistan. So somehow you managed to immigrate to the US and now all of a sudden you think you are educated, shareef and the cream of the crop, What a joke!. Just because you live abroad does not make you superior to any Pakistani living in a big or small city. Your smug attitude towards people living in Pakistan is laughable.

The funny thing is that I have lived and studied in the west and seeing the conditions that some people like you live in, trust me there is nothing to be proud and smug about. People think that having a 2 bedroom house, a car and a college degree in the US really makes them superior to people in Pakistan. The fact is that almost everyone in the US has that even a janitor.

Now let me address your social circle issue in the US and explain why there is a such a crisis facing desi girls when it comes to marriage. The fact is that most pakistanis living in the US, live in isolated communities. There aren’t a lot of relatives and friends that they have living in the vicinity, so when it comes to marriage, they really don’t trust people too much, since people from all sorts of backgrounds have come from Pakistan (educated and Jahil, taxi drivers and Doctors), hence the full background body scan. People living in Pakistan on the other hand, have known families and friends for decades.They associate with people of similar backgrounds ( Businessmen around Businessmen, Govt workers, army, civil service around their own). They know and trust the family and do not need to say " Beta, could you show me your latest paycheck?, LOL". **I totally agree with you wanting to do full background checks because it seems everyone around in your circle of friends is a fraud artist. **

You didn’t stop - this is where you get really personal:

@Omer259

**The truth really hurts, doesn’t it??. I did not want to discuss your life situation but you forced me to. **Now, regarding the marriage issue, no one is saying that you cannot do any background checks on potential mates, but there is a proper and decent way of doing it, as it is done in educated families all over Pakistan and that is discreetly and through your own sources. Not greedily and crudely as you suggested by asking for citizenship proof, salary and degrees. This is not a visa office you are dealing with for god’s sake. You immigrated to west, but still didn’t learn the proper etiquette of dealing with people?. No wonder, you still have the inferiority complex that you thought immigrating to the USA would solve.

But of course, you didn’t stop there :hinna:

@Omer259

Reha,

**You clearly have issues that I cannot provide any therapy for. People like you are angry at themselves for being put into two different cultures( West and Pakistan) that they do not understand. You cannot survive in Pakistan and you are treated as a 2nd class citizen in the US, so that’s where the anger comes from. **As you do not live in Pakistan, you do not understand the ettiquettes of the rishta process here, and hence your stupid insistence on seeing docuemnts, degrees and paychecks as proof. Start meeting Pakistanis in real life, rather than just trying to make connections in an online forum. In fact, I welcome you to visit Pakistan, so we can teach you a thing or two about how Pakistani/Muslim society works. Watching a few bollywood movies does not make you a desi. The connection to Pakistani culture that you seek so badly can only be obtained by living in Pakstan, not online.

If you never immigrated to the west, then it is likely that your parents did. Ask your parents to help you understand the Pakistani culture, otherwise you will remain an unmarried ABCD your entire life.

And then your grand finale:

@Omer259

Reha,
…
I feel sorry for your situation. Hope you get some counseling which is so popular in the US.

Omer, it’s enjoyable to have a pleasant discussion with people who have other perspectives - there doesn’t need to be a single right answer. But the point is to engage in a respectful debate. You fell into the classic trap of making generalizations and getting personal and insulting others - that’s why I pointed out your posts.