Yes, there should be a balance between trust and interference. Some parents (desi parents included) who breathe down their children's neck 24/7 and are too strict............risk their children rebelling in the future.
And there's a right and wrong way to do the "interference" as well. If the interferences is ALWAYS accompanied with a lecture and scolding and harsh criticism, it would turn anyone off. There's a time to lecture kids.............and a time to just smile.......ask them who they're hanging out with.......tell them to leave a phone number and to call.........end of story.
Especially with teenagers........it's good to check up on them if they're always hanging out behind closed doors. Just because your son/daughter's friend is in YOUR house......doesn't necessarily mean that they're doing nothing wrong. While you don't have to interrogate them like a cop, there's nothing wrong with making a friendly appearance.......asking they what they're doing.
In my opinion................in the case of the kids who did the Columbine shootings..........their problem goes much deeper than just parental involvement. Those two kids who did the shooting had low self-esteem and possibly anger management problems. Kids develop their sense of healthy or non-healthy self-esteem from the HOME. Parents set the foundation for their children's self-esteem. Kids who have a healthy self-esteem........DO get hurt when they're picked on...........but they know how to bounce back up and move on. They won't allow themselves to become consumed by another imperfect's kid's judgment of them to the point that it become a festering rage which manifests itself into violence.
You could have RICH parents who can provide their child with the latest fashions, gadgets, and luxury items............but their child will end up being screwed up if a sense of health self-esteem is not developed. And you can have children from the middle or even lower class whose parents are not only more involved but develop their children's confidence and they'll turn out fine.
It's also the parents' job to demonstrate conflict resolution skills for their kids. Parents seem to forget that children ARE WATCHING how angry parents behave. If mom or dad resolves conflicts by screaming insults, cursing, throwing things, hitting, developing festering grudges......................kids learn that. On the other hand, if parents demonstrate that they resolve conflicts by talking about things calmly, reaching compromises, using decent language, and have the ability to move on instead of becoming consumed by anger.............then hopefully the kids will follow that example as well.
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When I used to teach preschool.........one day a 4-year-old students of mind had called another student a "Motherfer". I find it interesting that the victim was ABLE to tell that *"Motherfu**" **was a bad word. Now that I reflect over the incident......I wonder how the kid knew that it was a bad word. The radio? The tv? Parents? Anyhow........I called the kid who had SAID the nasty word. And I looked at the 4-year-old's facial expressions. He had **ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what the word meant and why it was so bad.
So, when his mom came to pick him up.......I told her what happened. She was shocked and confused. She kept saying** "Uh-uh his father and I.......we don't use that kind of language in the house. I don't know where he picked up that word. Maybe from the radio. Cuz we don't talk like that in my house."** She told me that she'd talk to her son over the weekend.
The following Monday.............his mom told me that she recalled saying the word "Motherfur"* for some inane occurrence such as breaking her nail or dropping something on the floor. During the time the word had slipped out of her mouth.........she and her husband quickly looked over at their son and were** RELIEVED** that he was sleeping.........or looked like he was sleeping........and thought "whew, he didn't hear it."
^ I think it's GREAT that this mother was able to put her pride and ego to the side and confess to a teacher that her child learned negative behavior from HER. It takes courage to admit your own mistakes. But this example just goes to show that children learn how to resolve issues from their parents. You could either teach your child how to solve problems decently OR you can teach your child to start cursing and losing control over incidents small or big.