I always thought differently to others, believing that a girl and a guy could be purely friends without emotions going any further. But I’ve come to a different conclusion recently when a good friend of mine declared his feelings for me. I stopped speaking to him altogether because I was so pissed off but then I realised that I couldn’t go on like that because he really was very important to me - as a friend. He realises that I would never go out with him because first of all he’s Hindu Indian and younger than me and now we just carry on like nothing ever happened, but at the same time I wonder if he still feels the same and I’m also scared to be alone with him now. I guess I still mistrust him because I feel betrayed. SHould I continue being friends with him or not? I dont want to give him the sense that he might stand a chance, because he doesnt but at the same time I dont want to lose his friendship.
thats one reason why u shud not be making friends with the opposite sex....
but when we tell u before, we r called OLD-MINDED....
I don’t get it! You feel betrayed and mistrust him becuase he told you how he felt about you?!
I feel sorry for the poor lad! I sure it wasn’t easy for him!
If you don’t feel the same then make it clear to him. I see no reason why you two can’t still be friends. If it is really bugging you then talk to him about it.
[quote]
Originally posted by Trinity^:
I always thought differently to others, believing that a girl and a guy could be purely friends without emotions going any further.
As far as I've noted I've never seen a brown guy and girl just be 'friends'. There is always a motive behind it from one side or the other and its not neccessarily to be a couple.
But I've come to a different conclusion recently when a good friend of mine declared his feelings for me.
Its not brave of him but its good that he got it out and knows the outcome. Its easy for us guys to let a girl know about feelings. Heck, you see us whistling on the streets don't you? Our message is clear cut.
I stopped speaking to him altogether because I was so pissed off
You shouldn't of done that, thats what made the matter uncomfortable. Atleast you could have been the adult about it and confront him how it is and will be if it is to continue.
but then I realised that I couldn't go on like that because he really was very important to me - as a friend.
no kidding
He realises that I would never go out with him because first of all he's Hindu Indian and younger than me and now we just carry on like nothing ever happened,
thats not entirely good, you should rectify all hidden bugs
but at the same time I wonder if he still feels the same and I'm also scared to be alone with him now.
thats why i said make it clear to him and see his reaction
I guess I still mistrust him because I feel betrayed.
its understandable but mind you he wasn't in control of his feelings either
SHould I continue being friends with him or not?
use your judgement wisely after a open discussion with him; its for you to decide the fate of this friendship not us strangers
I dont want to give him the sense that he might stand a chance,
as i said make it clear and see his reaction
at the same time I dont want to lose his friendship.
you win some and you lose some
[/quote]
Jitna Diya Sarkar Nay Mujko, Itni Meri Auqat Nahi, Yeh Saab Tumhara Karam Hai Aqa, Mujh Mein Aisi Koi Baat Nahin.
Ï Pray OüR Ðïvïñë £ñtïtÿ Tö FöRgïvë Më, Ï A§k Yöü Tö FöRgïvë Më Oñlÿ Ïñ Hope To §©öü® Thë Hëävëñ§.
the guy's not a robot so don't expect his feelings to have changed except on the surface. he's hanging around hoping there's still a chance, the lil beggar.
...
[This message has been edited by cat-woman (edited March 21, 2002).]
why does everyone feel sorry for him, like he's the victim - that's something i dont get. even his friends were like 'take it easy with him'. I mean, what about the awkward situation he put me in??
My biggest fear was that by rejecting him, he wouldnt want to have anything to do with me. But the amazing person that he is, he didnt expect anything from me from day one and i think he has accepted the fact, but then again like mr. xtreme says, he might just be hanging on to that glimmer of hope. he's only 18 and despite what he says, i think it is infatuation - what can he know about love anyway.
i just know that hes there for me 24/7, if i call him at 3am, hell be outside in 2 minutes.
i honestly hope im not leading him on and yeah coconut, i think we do need to sort out a few things but i find it way too uncomfortable talking about such things. im not too good at this sort of stuff.
..... I'm also scared to be alone with him now. I guess I still mistrust him because I feel betrayed.
So whats your reasoning for scared of being alne with him [n]now?** Is it because he has declared is affection for you? Does that mean he'll try to do something that may not be right? Honestly, I don't think you have anything to be scared of. If you have so much equity built into this freindship (I assumed that from the post), a declaration of his feelings doesn't automatically make him a bad person or a person to be scared of. I think you're making it too much of a big deal.
I do think that you make sure that he understands that you're not interested in taking this freindship up a notch. I am sure he'll respect that.
Very difficult to have a ** plutonic ** friendship........plutons are generally very large hot bodies of molten rock that would vaporize you instantly on contact...were you to be at a few 100 kilometres depth under the earths crust.
** Platonic ** friendships on the other had...usually end in the same manner.
Ingredients: 20% humour, 30% insight, 40% tongue-in-cheek, 35% drivel, 15% bad maths and your daily dose of vitamins and minerals from A-Z
I’m sorry about whatever happened to you…but it’s nomal for friends of the opposite sex to be attracted to each other.
The worst thin gyou can do is push him away…coz it’ll hurt him and you…talk about it…about your feelings for him…make him understand
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif
But a guy and a gal CAN definetly be JUST friends…I speak from experience
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif
There’s A Thin Line That Separates Sanity and Insanity
I Stand With One Leg On Either Side Of It!
Well there's a way around this. Subconciously if there is an attraction it doesn't mean you can't be friends as long as you realise that there's only so far you can go.
The problem with this lad is that he has already expressed his feelings and is prepared to be outside at 3am within 2mins if you call him.
doesn't sound like 'just friends' at all to me.
ja, nee!
[This message has been edited by cat-woman (edited March 21, 2002).]
Ghalib, if you knew what he looked like, you'd be scared too! He could scare off a bouncer any day. lol
Madcon, if it's normal, then I'd rather stick to having female friends only - honestly.
Thappy - it's plutonic, not platonic!!
Plutonic-a description for sub-crustal igneous rocks
Platonic-spiritual, friendly, non-physical
Didn’t read your post probably full of good stuff
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Ingredients: 20% humour, 30% insight, 40% tongue-in-cheek, 35% drivel, 15% bad maths and your daily dose of vitamins and minerals from A-Z
[quote]
Originally posted by Thap:
**Plutonic-a description for sub-crustal igneous rocks
**
[/quote]
Well we now know what the grey matter in your head is all about!
Good grief, let me count the times...
And each time I have felt betrayed and disgusted. Here, allow me to elaborate. It wasn't so much the fact that he had feelings; that's natural. It was more that he chose to reveal these feelings that irked the heck outta me. Didn't he think of the consequences, gawd forbid, if I didn't decide to swoon into his arms?! I think it's selfish and juvenile to blurt infatuations when the nature of the relationship has been clear-cut from the start.
I suggest you distance yourself; it would be cruel to allow him to continue seeing you and presume nothing has passed between the two of you. And besides, do you really want to live through your paranoia each time you see him?
Poor chap.
I think taking the issue head on..rather than sweeping the matter under the carpet would be the better course of action. Decidedly.
If you fear that he still may be clinging to hope..what better way to find out and make him aware of your decision in this regard, in the same breadth as well? Nahin?
You may not be good at this kinda stuff alright...but by not discussing aren't you inviting a potential trouble hot-spot for yerself? Why leave things to chances and probabilities anyways?
Just talk it over..plain and simple. I believe that even if it doesn't solve the problem, it would help towards attaining this objective.
Best of luck!
Kambakht Ishq!
...I think it's selfish and juvenile to blurt infatuations when the nature of the relationship has been clear-cut from the start.
Relationships evolve with time, so why would it be foolish/juvenile when feeligns evolve along with it? Regardless of what the "deal" was about inititating a relationship, with passage of time, they change and I don't think its foolish to express those changes. Now, whether or not the feeling "evolution" is mutual, thats an entirely different story.