How long after your ‘engagement, Haan, baat pakki’ did you actually get married?
Mostly families in Pakistan want to marry pretty quick after the rishta has been pakka-ed. However, very rarely, I see families don’t even bother approaching the girl’s parents once they do the ‘baat pakki’. Thats rude and inconsiderate. I’ve seen rishtay break off because the guy’s side was too lazy and the girl’s side said, “hum nay karki ghar nahin bethaani.” And they mary her elsewhere.
So how long was it before you tied the knot after your baat paki? And how long do you think is the appropriate time to wait after the baat pakki before the wedding takes place?
am not married yet.. par wedding is on 2nd nov.. n Haaan hue the MAY mai.. that makes almost 6months.. so we had enough time to do the preperation ..
in my view baat pakki ke baad shadi within a year ho jane chayae.. coz ik saal ke bad maslay shoro ho jatay hian usually espically in pakistan.. like "Ab tak larkay walay chup hain pata nai kia masla hia" .. ya "woh shayad karna nai chahtay abhi se aise hian" bla bla..
if i tell u in my case i got engaged last yr on 25 august n my inlaws got my wediing day fixed this yr 23 august but unfortunately my sister in law who is in america couldnt manage to come coz of citizenship prob my wedding date as well as the venue got postponed three times lolzzz :D abhi bhi un official date is 14 dec ....so guys do pray for me ...meray gher waloon nei to meray inlaws ko keh dia hei ap 1 week pehlay bhi batayay gei hum kahin bhi tent laga ker shaadi ker deingei coz its difficult to get a good venue in a short span of time....thatz y ive started my weddin preperation kia patah kab ho jayay shaadi ;) nice joke naaaa
am not married yet.. par wedding is on 2nd nov.. n Haaan hue the MAY mai.. that makes almost 6months.. so we had enough time to do the preperation ..
in my view baat pakki ke baad shadi within a year ho jane chayae.. coz ik saal ke bad maslay shoro ho jatay hian usually espically in pakistan.. like "Ab tak larkay walay chup hain pata nai kia masla hia" .. ya "woh shayad karna nai chahtay abhi se aise hian" bla bla..
I agree. Once the baat is pakki-ed, the wedding should happen within the year.
Thats how its been always...within 6 months, larkay walay want kay shaadi ho jaay.
we've been waiting 4 years, another 5 months to go. even then his parents don't want us to have the full wedding, only the nikkah :(
totally know what you mean about the guy's parents not moving, it has ended up being my parents saying 'enough' to them. we thought for definite that we would have been married 3 years in.
Baat paki, and enagement in January 2005 and wedding in April 2007. Coz of my studies and I always wanted to marry at the age of 22 so I'd also waited for that reason, coz in 2005 I wz 20 years old. But that 2 years between engagement and shaadi wz the most difficult. Dooriiiiiiiii
i know alot of families who rush this process and want the wedding within months, I got married 18 months after I got engaged, both families wanted to plan things properly and we went to Pakistan together to shop! My mum at first wasn't happy with the long time, but she now feels it is best as families can get to know each other well before the wedding and have get togethers etc, and in a way get to know more about the families. Both families still speak every day etc as they did before the wedding. Some families i know have rushed the wedding and found the two families conflicting after marriage.
We got married 6 months and 15 days after 'baat paakee'. We said yes on the 6th Jan 2001 and we got married 21st July 2001.
Ma'sha allah those days between the 'haan' and shaadi were the best of my life. Not only the preparation for the wedding, but also the fact that like overnight, our little family of 3 grew to this whole extended family and everyday something was happening....that was the only time when there wasn't one single boring day!!!!
I have known people here get engaged, and then the shaadi is like 18 motnhs/2 years later and it isn't worth the chit chat from the community!!!!
Not that it's any of their business!!!!
2 weeks after baat paki was the nikkah!
my abbu was saying rukshati bi kher dai.. and i was staring at him and yelling inside i am not ready yet lol
well that was a year later
we were together for 5 years before we got formally engaged, and got married 6 months after the engagement. but i had my hall booked before he even proposed! hahaha
i guess it really depends from couple to couple- hubby and i knew what we wanted and there didn't seem to be much reason to wait, and financially it was possible to have the wedding in that amount of time.
i think baat pakki should be followed by an engagement, and the engagement should be as long as necessary. see, i'm going thru this with my bro at the moment. iA his baat pakki should be soon-ish but dad wants both of them to write their major career exams next summer without the distraction of a wedding in between. unfortunately, one's exam is in june, the other has it in november. so. will her mom agree to a 2010 wedding? probably not. but i know we're going to discuss it nonetheless with them because i think dad is right- they do need to focus on doing well in their education at this crucial stage, and also my bro needs to save up for all the various shaadi expenditures. it makes practical sense.
so in the end, i think its from couple to couple, really.
we were together for 5 years before we got formally engaged, and got married 6 months after the engagement. but i had my hall booked before he even proposed! hahaha
i guess it really depends from couple to couple- hubby and i knew what we wanted and there didn't seem to be much reason to wait, and financially it was possible to have the wedding in that amount of time.
i think baat pakki should be followed by an engagement, and the engagement should be as long as necessary. see, i'm going thru this with my bro at the moment. iA his baat pakki should be soon-ish but dad wants both of them to write their major career exams next summer without the distraction of a wedding in between. unfortunately, one's exam is in june, the other has it in november. so. will her mom agree to a 2010 wedding? probably not. but i know we're going to discuss it nonetheless with them because i think dad is right- they do need to focus on doing well in their education at this crucial stage, and also my bro needs to save up for all the various shaadi expenditures. it makes practical sense.
so in the end, i think its from couple to couple, really.
i agree. education is pretty much the reason in my case too. his parents want him to finish his degree first. physically it would not have made too much difference to us if our wedding happened earlier because i would continue to live here and carry on with my life and he would be in PK finishing his degree. but we both really wanted our nikkah sooner rather than later so everything is halal, lol.
^ thats sad.. InshAllah Allah bahtar karayga.
thanks hun. inshallah it will work out for the best. so far one thing it has shown his parents is that we are totally committed to one another. i think they thought it wouldn't last but there hasn't even been a peep of an argument or fall out between us and we will speak every single day.
baat pakki was july 23rd 2006 and then we got married in jan 6 07. initiailly we had planned to just have a nikkah an then we’ll live together/rukhsati after i graduate. but (my) parents suggested we do mehndi-rukhsati-valima etc (i.e., a REAL wedding) all at once… so i missed my chance at being a bride multiple times
Sara! lol... you are cute!
baat paki was in August 2006
Engagement was November 2006
Nikah/Rukhsati/Valima was in August 2007
so a year between baat paki and shadi. I think a year's a good time to get to know each other.
Ahh... So the pattern really is soon-ish --Unless there's some issue holding it back.
I thought so too. If you're financially able and the couple's ready, I see no reason to wait.
