I frequent a family oriented forum and yesterday in the Muslim family section, following question was posted:
Marriage is in trouble
“Forgive me for posting here, but I am looking for advice, help or understanding in an attempt to save my marriage.
disclaimer: I am an athiest, but not what I call a nazi-athiest. I became an atheist in my teens, and for me its just right. Its not right for others, and I have no problem with any other religion. To me religion or lack thereof, is a personal choice, and I am not foolish enough to think what is right for me, is right for everyone.
I’ve been married close to a year, my wife who was formerly a pagan (wiccan/witch etc) has chosen to convert to Islam. The conversion does not both me in the least, if she has decided that Islam is the choice for her, then great. My problem is that she now wants to wear the head scarf, or hijab i think it is called, because she claims islam requires it.
This is a problem for me. I love my wife, I think she is absolutely breathtaking and beautiful. If I could have created a life-long soul mate, it would be her. I love her personality, her intelligence, her beauty, she really is everything I could ever want. However; I don’t want her to wear the hijab. Both of us are born and raised in america, and I suppose that factors in, to the fact that I want at least an american looking wife. She doesn’t have to wear short skirts, or short shorts, but I want her to still be physically attractive to me.
Please don’t be offended when I say, that wearing the hijab, will make her physically unattractive to me. I didn’t grow up around people wearing hijabs, so for me it takes away from her beauty. I can understand her need to wear a hijab while praying or going to the mosque, and I support her to that endeaver, but in daily life, I don’t see why she needs to wear one.
Now, lost in all of this, is that our marriage could end over “just a headscarf”. To her she is required to wear it because of her faith. To me, it will make her unattractive, and I know it will slowly but surely tear me away from her.
I guess I’m just looking for advice, knowledge, chew me out if you want to, but I’m trying to gain an understanding. I don’t want to lose the woman i committed my life to over this”
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
not all Muslim women wear hijab right? It is not something that she has to wear in order for her to be a good follower of her religion, she just has to dress modestly and not wear revealing clothes.
i'm not Muslim but that's how I perceived it to be.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
My problem is that she now wants to wear the head scarf, or hijab i think it is called, because she claims islam requires it.
She doesn't have to wear short skirts, or short shorts, but I want her to still be physically attractive to me.
Please don't be offended when I say, that wearing the hijab, will make her physically unattractive to me. rstanding. I don't want to lose the woman i committed my life to over this*"*
Looking forward to hear your comments
Obviously you don't respect her intelligence.
one thing::
She is allowed to show ALL her charms to you.
How come you forget how pretty is she when she puts hijjab on???
Do you like work together?? You get to look at her more with hijab on ? or at home with no hijab??
Re: What’s your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
Peace hinalateef
The first problem for the American is not the headscarf, when his wife finds out she will want to divorce him anyway for being non-Muslim. If he wants her he’ll have to first become Muslim, getting her to wear or not wear the scarf is a secondary issue. Tell him this with wisdom however, because his wife may be waiting to tell him or she may be working on him to consider Islam for himself.
Furthermore the best way to save the marriage is to watch a few revert videos from TurntoIslam.com
and inshaAllah he too will not only understand Islam and its attraction to women but also may consider it himself also.
Re: What’s your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
The very first issue coming there way is that she cannot remain married to him if he choses not to follow Islam and revert to being a muslim. I think Br. Psyah already mentioned this.
The hijab issue is secondary and he should be made aware or atleast his wife probably has it coming for him pretty soon. Though the person who helped reverting this woman should have let her know that she this is the very first thing they will be faced with and she in turn should have informed him as well before she finally decided to go and take the Shahada.
From the post it is not clear at what times does she wear hijab in front of him that he does not like. She does not have to be wearing infront of him as he is her husband unless this is not the whole story and she is wearing it infront of him because he refuses to revert to Islam and she is somewhere in between of severing the relationship and she is confused whether she can take it off or not.
If she has reverted then her marriage to him is not valid anymore.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
If she further inquires about the religion she would leave you(the one who posted the question) herself (sorry) but in islam its not allowed to marry someone who is not from the ehlay kitab.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
If she further inquires about the religion she would leave you(the one who posted the question) herself (sorry) but in islam its not allowed to marry someone who is not from the ehlay kitab.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
^ i was referring to your earlier statement about us being allowed to marry ahle-kitaab. Only Muslim MEN can marry women pertaining to ahle-kitaab, NOT Muslim Women... we have to marry men who belong to the same religion as us.
You are right, she has to leave him bcoz he doesn't believe in God, however, even if he was a practisiing Christian, she would still have to leave him...
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
^ i was referring to your earlier statement about us being allowed to marry ahle-kitaab. Only Muslim MEN can marry women pertaining to ahle-kitaab, NOT Muslim Women... we have to marry men who belong to the same religion as us.
You are right, she has to leave him bcoz he doesn't believe in God, however, even if he was a practisiing Christian, she would still have to leave him...
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
Wait, so like she converted, and wants to wear hte headscarf.....but what abt her non-muslim husband?? As far as I know, muslim women cannot marry (or stay married) to non-Muslim men. If hse did enough research before converting, she would know this and the hijab wouldn't even be an issue.
Anyways, u have to forgive the guy--obviously being brought up in this country and culture, hijab doens't have the same significance for him as it would for us desis/muslims.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
It would be hard to be sympathetic to this husband's intolerant, unyielding and unreasonable complaints if it weren't for the intolerant, unyielding and unreasonable rule that requires this woman to divorce him.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
^Just to add, muslim men cannot get married to mushrik women, but only to a monotheist or unitarian.
I didn't understand why the rule is different for Muslim women. She is only allowed to marry another Muslim man. Why this inequality. Shouldn't the same rules apply for both since both are human Muslims?
Explanation without just a bunch of quranic verses would be appreciated.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
It would be hard to be sympathetic to this husband's intolerant, unyielding and unreasonable complaints if it weren't for the intolerant, unyielding and unreasonable rule that requires this woman to divorce him.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
I didn't understand why the rule is different for Muslim women. She is only allowed to marry another Muslim man. Why this inequality. Shouldn't the same rules apply for both since both are human Muslims?
Explanation without just a bunch of quranic verses would be appreciated.
Peace indopak
Good question .. you will find this inequality in numbers of spouses too. Men are allowed until 4, but preference is 1, again men are allowed to marry ahlalkitab but the preference is a Muslim woman.
I guess it makes sense that a woman should not have more than one husband it is because it will cause problems with lines of authority. In Islam the role of the man is to lead the family like a manager. A person cannot have two or more direct managers. However, a manager can have more than one staff member. It will prevent conflict in the males and for the past times it would have been difficult to determine the dad of a child that the woman may have.
Likewise it makes sense for a Muslim woman to marry a Muslim, because her faith will never be a target in a Muslim household. If a Jewish or Christian woman come in to a Muslim household they will never curse her religion for the people who they believe were prophets are also considered so by Muslims. However, the other way round is not the case. Also the Old and New Testament laws are not as liberated for a woman than the Qur'an and Sunnah are. For this reason it is best that a woman does not subject herself to the harsher laws by marrying into a family of the older religions of the Book. In fact it so much so that it is not allowed for her. There are other reasons for this too, such as population growth. It is ideal obviously to have many Muslims for the Muslims point of view. By giving away our women it will decrease the Muslim population, because populations are made by women not men. To explain what I mean here is that one man can sire most of his life, but can only do so provided there are enough women who are either not in menopause, or already in gestation, which sets them back by around 1 year. The more women in a community the faster the population grows.
Re: What's your Opion : Question by a Non-Muslim man about his recently converted wif
the hubby shud be to study more about Islam, think about taking up the religion seriously and if he cannot then the wife shud leave him (if she is serious about Islam)....
