What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?


Good point. Never thought of that as I've never attended a women's only event.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

yes i have found this becoming quite often too.

i thought the mehndi/mayoun was for girls to have fun and enjoy that thier/sister/friend/daughter is getting married.

my family is very conservative (both sides), if any of them decides to even have one it will be a small girls only mehndi.

however

  • i have been to a ladies only one, where girls could take of thier hijabs and no photos were allowed
  • i have been to one where the men went outside when the dances begun
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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

so how do we solve this? girls have a mehndi with only females? maybe a dholki type. and another one with males as well at a larger scale? i have just few guys in my family and not many male guests that i would want to invite to my mehndi... wouldnt want my sisters dancing in frnt of any male guests so segregation in my opinion in the best

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

mixed gatherings are okay as long as they don't start dancing in front of men or with men....but i know it's becoming a trend.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Of course it ain't Islamic.

As to the "why" this is becoming such a trend, its simple... we've made our nafs our khuda

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

^ And we think that as long as we fullfill our basic islamic farz (praying, fasting) then these 'little' things don't matter that much.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

I have a few concerns regarding this too. I am not some one who is into really lavish, full of girls & boys mehendis but yes close family, cousins and friends ought to be there.

I think why dancing in front of men is considered bad is because it gives the look of "mujras". But when you have mamoons, chachus, khalus, cousins, brothers and family, who all are participating & consider you their daughter or daughter-likes, sister-likes....none of the men are oggling on in that way; then why is it considered bad?

Im not advocating anything but i just want to know the reason. The girls arent really dressed up like Bollywood actresses, nor are they doing vulgar dances. Its mostly random jam sessions or just fun with family for most. But yes one thing I totally agree with that the waitors, photographers & DJs should be some where out during the dance sessions.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Um, no, they don't. (Well they do, but not that much

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

This is my first post ever, I couldn't resist b/c the topic is interesting!

As far as it being "Islamic" or not, obviously, attracting attention to the opposite gender is something you're not supposed to do in Islam...and girls dancing in fitted clothes center stage will definitely attract attention from the males. So, yeah, it's not something that is right and should be avoided, BUT I've noticed many girls who preach this have no problem with wearing tons of make-up, tight clothes, and striking conversation in front of men or around men to get that same sort of attention - we all crave it as humans. Allah understands how he made us and he has given us a set of rules to live by to test us, but I think it's important for us to focus on the basics, permanent life-style changes, and do the best we can before we start focusing on minor issues like gender separation at a celebratory 4 hour pre-wedding event. I'm not saying to ignore it just because we have other things to focus on because wrong is wrong, but blowing it out of proportion and making it the most important issue in the world isn't "Islamic" either. It would be nice to see some of the families who have girls-only/gender seperated Mehndi's to actually have a 15 min. intermission and a separate room to allow everyone to pray Isha salaat and then join back in. I mean, don't you think Allah would tell you missing your obligatory salat, but focusing so much attention on gender separation for a couple of hours is going backwards?

I have some family members who only have girls-only Mehndis and some who have them combined. I definitely want mine combined because I have a tonnnn of female cousins and male cousins, all of my guy friends, my sisters friends who are mutual friends with me, etc. and it wouldn't be special if all of them weren't there to share our wedding festivities with us.

Besides, I think a lot of times these issues are made big deals for more cultural reasons than actual religious reasons unfortunately. Yeah yeah, I know our culture stems from Islam too, but the people who I've seen make a fuss about these things don't really pray 5 times a day and aren't the 'best examples' of Muslims in our community so I just find it kind of weird. The fuss coming from a scholar is more legitimate because there is credibility behind the source of the argument.

Dancing isn't necessary at every Mehndi. Now of these days people are playing games that involve the couple and the rest of the guests which make it more interactive. Skits are also a more halal alternative and can be hilarious. FYI, our Prophet(pbuh) used to encourage women to sing songs and beat the duff(percussion) for wedding processions so our religion is not as restrictive as some people make it to be.

But to each his own :) Do your part and let others enjoy the biggest day of their lives - their wedding. There are several other opportunities that you will get to help them move closer to the true teachings of Islam if it really means that much to you. Making someone smile, avoiding argument and conflict, and holding your tongue at times are BIG rewards in Islam. Probably much more important than some of the minor issues we focus on at times. Just sayin.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

I understand your question about having your male relatives present at the Mehndi because they won't necessarily view you 'that' way...and I think for situations like that we rely on what Allah has given us : a brain and our judgement. If you really feel like you're going against Allah and displeasing him at your Mehndi then you should make changes. But if you feel like it's okay, then sweat it. Enjoy the moment and thank Allah for all the blessings, family, friends, and good times he's bestowing upon you. We get TONS of sawab for every time we thank Allah. :)

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

I think men leaving the room when girls start dancing is a great compromise and halal way of having a combined event if a family really finds this issue important. The only problem is while the girls are having all the fun, the bichare men are sitting there in an empty room with plain tables and chairs twiddling their thumbs wondering what's going on in the other room. I've been to Mehndi's like this and it's TORTURE if you're a guy, but are "obligated" to go because the bride is your cousin or close friend. If you do it this way, PLEASE make sure you provide some sort of entertainment for the men also. Maybe just a TV to watch a sports game going on, serving paan for the uncles, or other board games, etc.
Also, this becomes an issue of the groom's or bride's guy cousins or guy friends want to do a dance. No group of guys are going to dance just in front of other men, lol, that's really weird. I was at one where I was told to dance with another guy in front of women and men, and then they kicked all the guys out for the girls dance part. I think that's more okay...

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Re: What’s with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

so we should actually thank Allah SWT for sinning? :confused:

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Yeah dancing in front of your brothers, chahus', phupha, khaloo, mamoo maybe all fine for you but these same people can be the biggest tharkis and oglers when it comes to your friends or girls not related to them...me and my friends been through this.

And I refuse to take part in any mehndi where girls and the boys are doing Bollywood style choreographed item dance. Cheese. Total cheese and super tacky.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Segregation doesn't have to be all doom and gloom...ya'll need to check out how the Arab ladies get down in their harem.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

well, why are just mehendi's segregated? what about shaadi's? its not just the dancing, its the fact that non-mehram people are mixing thats unislamic too. and i think more girls get "checked out" at shaadis than at mehendis. at least mehendis are mostly limited to family and close friends; shaadi's are an open forum for rishta aunties and the rest of the 400 guests invited. if you're going to do it once, you might as well go all the way, no?

i agree with sahar's pov here personally. i only have brothers too and i couldn't imagine not having them at my mehendi/wedding, etc or being at theirs while they sat in a different room somewhere. people who weren't comfortable with the dancing left after dinner and that was fine- at least they were shareek at our event and in our khushi. why can't that be an acceptable alterative?

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

that varies from family to family. my phuppas, khaloos etc. aren't ogling anyone, thank goodness!

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Mehndi's should be an all ladies event or not but aside from the islamic point of view our desi loug get offended quite more than often, so some families give into the pressure? But I also agree with sahar, in that situation you brother's can't come to you mehndi? I rather not get married in that case.....

Here is what happened couple of months ago, there was a wedding on my in-laws side (husband's first cousin) that family is 'more' religious than the rest so they decided to do an all ladies event for mehndi', and oh my God people forgot the 'real reason' why this family went this route but all I heard was from these old and not so old aunties that how are we suppose to drive to this alone without our husbands, it will be so late coming back, we have never driven this far alone blah blah blah......it was quiet shocking that these people were getting quiet upset and some are still upset over this :O

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

I know aye, I find the trend with men at mehndis soo weird....its wayyy more fun when its girls only....

I agree with GroomDoc....guys leaving when girls start to dance is a very good compromise...(at the very least....better when their not there I reckon)

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

Some people would say that that the whole idea of a mehndi party is unIslamic and comes from the Hindu culture. I have relatives that do not attend mehndi at all because of this.

Then there are other people that are okay with segrated mehndi functions, but having to watch the girls shake their TnAs around the dance floor isn't really Islamic either.

I've been to both segregated, non-segregated and ladies only mehndis. As a guest I enjoyed the ladies only mehndis better. But as a family member (and coming from a conservative family) I would prefer a segrated mehndi. I had a ladies only mehndi and everyone told me that they enjoyed it. I didn't mind that my dad and my brothers and other close male relatives were not involved. My brother had a segregated mehndi which was awesome. The women's area had their own stereo equipment as well as the men's side. We hired a dhol wala and a singer for the men's side and from the sounds of things, it looked like they had more fun than us ladies =).

To each their own and their own families. If someone gets an invite to a segregated mehndi and they are not comfortable with it, then just dont attend.

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Re: What's with mixed gatherings at mehendi these days?

I'm from Punjab and in our part of the world Mehndi is traditionally considered a girls' event, a night where girls apply mehndi with bit of singing and dancing. Its a desi version of bachelorette party basically. Even from Groom side, they'd sit down the dulha to carry on with few rasams and after that it'll be all female affair...the dulha doesn't have to sit there for hours and watch the girls dancing. He goes off and joins his friends.

I know what my uncle would usually say if my cousin if he sneak around to join the ladies...*oye tou boodiyan wich ja ke ki karna ai...aithe **aa...*lol