PunjabiRose-: **I didnt mean to come across naive, But i havnt gone thru this rishta business yet to see whats coming.. I only know how its done for what my bf told me with his family. IMO i think it was *slightly *extreme of your mother to buy everyone in the guys side a suit tie and shirt. Fair enuff if she wants to go all out on your future hubby, Thats cool.. But the whole family thing. I've never heard of that and quite frankly im grateful i havnt! My bfs mum has already got me outfits but she hasnt said shes got anyone else in my family anything.. As there is *no *need for it. As for furniture etc.. I really really expect me and my bf to buy that together like i said.. I wud be *very *dissapointed if i had to buy it all my self and bring it to our new house.. It wudnt feel like were a married couple. If your upset with the one way giving why not stop it? If your open with your fiance' why not discuss it with him? I dont think its fair at *all *that the girls give everything and bring everything with them. And **Gemini the Great your postreally makes the most sense.. :)
No worries MB - I hadn't come across any of the gift giving issues until I got engaged personally and didnt even know about Jahaiz until I read about it in this thread an then asked my mom about it.
First of my all my mom only gave a shirt and a tie to the men... aka my fiance's dad, younger bro, and brother in law. Not an actual suit .....
My mom gave his mom and sister a "suit" aka - a "pakistani jora" along with a shawl and little jewelery.
I was not a fan that my mom was giving the gifts but I did not think it was "Extreme of her" as you put it either.
When your time comes to get engaged and get married - u will have to keep us posted about if YOUR DAD and mom give anything at all to your fiance's family. It's not about what the fiance's family is or isn't giving you. Ofcourse your bf's mom did not get YOUR family anything. That is what I am talking about!!!! That its unfair that its a one-way sided thing.... that either there should be no gifts at all or atleast the guy side should reciprocate.
This thread is about what the girl's side gives at times of the shaadi. And from all the posts I have read in the past that u have given hypos about your family - they do seem very non-traditional. And Im not saying this is a bad or good thing. But I'm just saying that mabey you will not have to deal with this for this reason. Alot of girls families are very traditional and keeping up with Pakistani cultural norms are very important to them because they don't want to let go of where they are from. Unfortunately this comes along with some good traditions and customs and some whack ones (like this one that I have started the thread about).
If you read my posts carefully - u will see that my family does not believe in Jahaiz and therefore I will not get any........ aka my parents are not giving me bedroom furniture and stuff like that. If you also read in my posts, you will see that I have a wonderful relationship with my fiance and ofcourse I have discussed this with him. lol. I am not a fan of the one-way gift giving but it is a tradition that my family DOES follow and is not willing to let this one go. U read my posts and will see that my mom and fiance both say that its dumb for us to give presents to the whole extended family tho. So it will only be gifts to his immediate family. I am not a fan of this but at the end of the day - my parents are my parents and they are the ones paying for my wedding and if it is in their tradition to give gifts to my fiance's family at the time of the shaadi to celebrate... well I cant really stop them. I can voice my opinion which I have ... but that is that.
This thread is more about people sharing their stories/venting about how they dealt with the one-way gift giving tradition. Everyone's situation is different and it should be respected.
Your situation is that your family is non-traditional and your parents will not give your fiances family (when u get engaged) any presents at the time of your wedding. That is what you are saying. And that you will not get any jahaiz either. That is fine. That is your situation and that is your contribution. :)