Pinky5786, your MIL definately meant that she wants your family to give gifts to the whole khaandan. More power to you if are chosing to give gifts to the immediate family. The whole process is draining mentally, emotionally, physically and now add on the financial strain. This is not pakistan folks its Amreka lol. Most families are mid class with more than one child. All of this gift giving should be from the heart, not forced. Happiness is never forceful or draining. It is suppose to be able happy memories. (right?) I agree with Paliz, sadly when Pakistan was founded we left India but thats about it we sadly took the Hindu rasams with us mixed it with religion. Yea Paliz, the last time I checked islamically the girl was NOT a burden for her family but rather happiness. Weather you have your wedding/Valima in a banquet hall, a 5 star hotel, your back yard as long as you are happy the other side is happy thats all that should matter. At that time when everyone is happy this wanting to give gifts just becomes second nature. For example, when a friend goes out of her way to do something for you or has been just a good friend to have. Most probably when her birthday or another ocassion arises you will WANT to give her something nice but if she sits there and tells you I want this and that its VERY unflattering usually follwed by a rather unpleasent response from you. Maybe not to her face.
Yah very right and I can actually feel what you are saying Punabi Rose....the guilt is really bad, the whole wedding function, clothes, jewellry, shoes, makeup, dowry and then to top them all giving gifts to the immediate family (that SHOULD include gold besides expensive clothes) the groom and clothes to 22 uncle aunties from MIL side and 35 uncle aunties from FIL side! it all gets too much!!
In our family we only give gifts to the immedite family not the whole khaandan but my fiance told they do so in their family. I told him to provide the list (bcoz frankly I cant memorize how many they are!) my MIL called and said that 'if you dont have it in your family you dont have to do it, hamaray tau hota hai... apki merzi hai...' this was a reply I couldnt interpret whether she wants us to do it or not, I have chosen not to do it!!