this is my first time posting here. I’ve been going through an intense dilemma for quite a while.. so much so that I can’t really differentiate between right and wrong. Does your wish to achieve good education (which you can’t really afford as of now but you’re trying your level best to do so) equate to being arrogant? Will doing so be considered forgetting your ‘aukaat’?
I don’t know but the people around me seem to be overusing this word so much that I now consider every progressive approach towards life an arrogant thing. They discourage me a lot and think that I should be happy with what I have and that all these efforts are just ‘fazool’.
Please help me in clearing my mind. I would really appreciate some helpful insight on this.
Arrogance is when you feel proud (in a bad way) as in gharoor karna. Eg "doing something and then thinking--i am the best in this no one else can do it because i am the only one, no one can come to my level".
You ask your self when you take these approaches do you have this feeling that "i am the best and no one can do what i have done or going to do". If you do then you need to erase such thinking...otherwise you are fine and you should go ahead with what you wanna acheive. these people might be jealous of you and dont wanna see you progress. good luck and all the best.
and what if those people who are holding you back involves no one but your own dad and his family? yes, my dad thinks that I am being extremely arrogant for my desire of gaining some quality education since we're not of 'that' standard. Now my problem is that i don't believe in getting education just for the sake of tagging yourself as 'this and that much pass'.. so that it won't create problems in rishta process and all that. I believe in getting the education that will somehow create a positive difference in my family's life and that obviously comes with a hefty price. But does that mean that all the opportunities in this world are only for the rich? Should we be discouraged by this fact and stop struggling and continue with the same ol' miserable life?
and what if those people who are holding you back involves no one but your own dad and his family? yes, my dad thinks that I am being extremely arrogant for my desire of gaining some quality education since we're not of 'that' standard. Now my problem is that i don't believe in getting education just for the sake of tagging yourself as 'this and that much pass'.. so that it won't create problems in rishta process and all that. I believe in getting the education that will somehow create a positive difference in my family's life and that obviously comes with a hefty price. But does that mean that all the opportunities in this world are only for the rich? Should we be discouraged by this fact and stop struggling and continue with the same ol' miserable life?
and it's a girl btw. :)
It is quite possible that your dad is insecure about what he percives to be your 'status' maybe because someone has put him down in the past.
Is your dad worried about paying for your education? Will your dads family judge you badly if you get an education? is this causing him to say that?
What do you want to do? do u want to move away from home, could this be an issue?
and what if those people who are holding you back involves no one but your own dad and his family? yes, my dad thinks that I am being extremely arrogant for my desire of gaining some quality education since we're not of 'that' standard. Now my problem is that i don't believe in getting education just for the sake of tagging yourself as 'this and that much pass'.. so that it won't create problems in rishta process and all that. I believe in getting the education that will somehow create a positive difference in my family's life and that obviously comes with a hefty price. But does that mean that all the opportunities in this world are only for the rich? Should we be discouraged by this fact and stop struggling and continue with the same ol' miserable life?
and it's a girl btw. :)
Kya yeh possibility ho sakti hai ke your dad's family (i am assuming your dadda, daddi, chacha, phuppo, taya etc) tumhare dad ko bharka rahe hain ke bas jitna parh liya kaafi hai, zaida parhne se gharoor ajata hai (something on those lines) ?
The only feeling that I have is that I want to bring a positive change in my family and I believe that education is the only source through which i can achieve this target. Unfortunately, we're not that well-off but even that does not discourage me since I believe that if you put in your sincere efforts, then no matter how much difficult your aim is, it is achievable.. albeit it may take a long while. What really bothers me is that they discourage me a lot for this.. they keep accusing me that I think high of myself and that I'm 'nashukri'.. then they bring up those ahadeeth regarding thankless women and claim that I'm one of them.
ok despite the fact that your family is discouraging you. can you still financially support your self for these achievements? have your dad totally refused to support you financially?
are you asking to go to a more expensive college and asking your family to foot the bill and saying the one down the street is not good enough for you?
how are you stating it? if you are stating things like something is beneath you and you are too good for it and you must go to the more well known/expensive college that may come across as arrogant or snobby or too proud.
inspiron - yes, actually my dad has lead a very failure life himself.. he wanted to go to abroad to complete his education but he couldn't because he would send all his earnings to his family to support them. His family actually never encouraged him either to complete his education so that he could properly establish and eventually financially stabilize himself. In terms of job, he has been very unfortunate too.. one year he would work at some place and then sit idle for the next years.. What I believe is that atleast as a parent, he should have promised himself at that point that he wouldn't let his generation go through the same crap as he did/is still going. My dad lacks ambition and determination to do something great in life. He has this 'kaam chalao' lifestyle mentality and I disagree with this completely, which bothers him a lot.
blessed2006 - believe it or not, one of my aunts from my dad's side said this to my mom recently that 'larkiyon ko utni hi taleem daini chahiye jitna un ka father afford kar sakta hai'.. i have no idea who is being right or wrong here.
inspiron - yes, actually my dad has lead a very failure life himself.. he wanted to go to abroad to complete his education but he couldn't because he would send all his earnings to his family to support them. His family actually never encouraged him either to complete his education so that he could properly establish and eventually financially stabilize himself. In terms of job, he has been very unfortunate too.. one year he would work at some place and then sit idle for the next years.. What I believe is that atleast as a parent, he should have promised himself at that point that he wouldn't let his generation go through the same crap as he did/is still going. My dad lacks ambition and determination to do something great in life. He has this 'kaam chalao' lifestyle mentality and I disagree with this completely, which bothers him a lot.
blessed2006 - believe it or not, one of my aunts from my dad's side said this to my mom recently that 'larkiyon ko utni hi taleem daini chahiye jitna un ka father afford kar sakta hai'.. i have no idea who is being right or wrong here.
Hey
The thing is with parents, as much as they dont want to they push their own insecurities on to their children because its all they know. His family discouraged him etc so this is all he knows and hence this is what he is saying to you, unfortunately being a girl probably works against you.
Obviously you realise that an education will be your platform to a better life, your dad was taught that trying to make a better life for your self or even trying is pointless and he doesnt deserve it and that has what has stuck with him.
Now what you need to do is change your approach. We need more info though, what exactly do you want to do? where do you live (abroad?)
blessed2006 - believe it or not, one of my aunts from my dad's side said this to my mom recently that 'larkiyon ko utni hi taleem daini chahiye jitna un ka father afford kar sakta hai'.. i have no idea who is being right or wrong here.
yaqeenan tumhare dad ki side unhe bharka rahi hai.
is your dad strict about what he is saying like "no more education, thats it, i wont hear any further on this" or is he just discouarging you so that you agree with them eventually due to so much pressure?
are you asking to go to a more expensive college and asking your family to foot the bill and saying the one down the street is not good enough for you?
how are you stating it? if you are stating things like something is beneath you and you are too good for it and you must go to the more well known/expensive college that may come across as arrogant or snobby or too proud.
What if I am living in a country that doesn't provide quality education? The place that I am currently residing in has post-graduate colleges of all sorts, mostly expensive.. but the thing is I know I am not going to have the slightest of benefits.. let's say it would be a useless addition to my educational background and wouldn't create any difference in my career or something despite spending so much money. so should i just go with the flow and give up this idea?
yaqeenan tumhare dad ki side unhe bharka rahi hai.
is your dad strict about what he is saying like "no more education, thats it, i wont hear any further on this" or is he just discouarging you so that you agree with them eventually due to so much pressure?
he doesn't say that bluntly; however, he has this 'i don't care if you study more or not' attitude.. and it's not like we're asking him to pay all the tuition fees.. i'm working, my younger sister is working too, my mom has been working for like two decades.. all we're asking is just to pitch in so it can be of some help to us.. like I said earlier, it's not the lack of finance that disturbs me.. I just wish that he could be more encouraging on this.