What would you have done?

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I am against hitting kids as much as I’m against telling someone how to parent their children.

Because of this, I have a few scenario based questions for you all.

What would you do if you were in a public environment, and you saw someone hitting their child?

Are you pro or against hitting children? Yours or someone else, does it matter?

Are there situations where children “deserve” to be hit? Are there any justifications for hitting a child who can’t defend him/ her self?

The reason I’m asking is because, like I said, I am not the type to stop or correct the way someone is parenting their child. Because, after all, it is THEIR child and not mine. Hopefully, they wanted to have the kid, so they must want whats best for him/ her… Right?

So I was shopping with a friend at the mall and saw a mother take her son, who looked like her was 6 to 8 years old, to the restrooms. You could hear her yelling at him telling him to “shut the f*** up” and calling him HORRIBLE names. The only way I know it was his mother was because I heard the boy yelling “Mama, stop! I’m sorry!!”
When they came out of the rest rooms, I didn’t know what to do. I was honestly shocked that someone would talk to their child that way, and that too in public!!!

So a little while passed and I was going in and out of stores, and saw her again. This time she grabbed her son by his arm and took him to the back of one of the stores. There she slapped his face and the back of his head repeatedly. When the kid would cry, she got in his face and said “Keep yelling. Watch what I do to you!” And the kid took a deep breath in and force him self to stop crying. She called him a worthless piece of you know what and said “I’m glad I didn’t get you no ice cream! You don’t deserve s***!” … To translate, she was beating her kid because he was upset that he didn’t get ice cream.

That was the last straw for me. I walked up to her as she was swinging at the poor kid again. I yelled at her to stop and grabbed the little boy, who hugged me and hid behind me. That must have given me the strength not to fear this lady going ape crazy woman on me and I went nuts. I yelled at her and called her a bad mother… Which I do some what regret.

The store’s staff ran over and asked what happened, the kid was crying and wouldn’t say anything. His mother said “You better get your ass over here and let go of that woman!” … His reply to her made me want to murder her. He whimpered, “I will, mama. But pinky promise you won’t hurt me more.”

So… I’ll ask again. What would you have done?

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Re: What would you have done?

You’re pretty brave, MM. I feel bad for the kid…the way he was scared of his mom, I hope nothing worse happened to him when they got home. What she did in public was bad enough. :no:

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Re: What would you have done?

redness what she said?

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Re: What would you have done?

Luckily he didn’t go home with her that night. We did call the cops and I left the mall before anything happened. But they were looking at the security tapes to see if they had anything.
But the kid was taken away in a sep squad car for questioning. :teary2:

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Re: What would you have done?

I see lots of questionable/middle-of-the-line behavior that isn't exactly ideal but it's certainly not abuse.....but this is out and out abuse.

Good for you for stepping in....I think that takes courage. I know many would not have stepped in (although I think it'd depend on the reason, would make them a coward).

I dont' care how "hard" it is to be a parent, that's abuse and she deserves to be punished. What trash.

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Re: What would you have done?

Exactly!! I mean I've seen parents get loud with their kids, which I'm also SUPER against... But this was just TOO much!

I was so scared she was going to hit me, but I was so ready to fight for the poor kiddo!!

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Re: What would you have done?

I remember a friend and former coworker had once said that she would report ANY parent that she saw hitting a child. And she had done so. I hadn't witnessed the event....but I think it can be cultural thing (to an extent) as the school was predominantly Asian and she's a Gori. Maybe what she saw was pretty bad, I dunno. I don't think it's always that easy to judge/determine a situation though. As a kid...I would get scolded/hit sometimes....but my parents were overall good, loving parents, MA. But yes, the above situation is really really really sad. Kids will whine and it can be annoying...but the mom needs to find better ways of dealing with it....what she did is an option, but it's not a healthy one for either party. The intervention wasn't to the level of social services, but hopefully she'll reflect over her actions after what happened.

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Re: What would you have done?

i would probably not have done anything. :\

what is up with the parents who hit kids on their face and head? are they idiots? if you must hit, at least pick a place that won't do damage.

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Re: What would you have done?

Yea. I know gora parents that hit their kids too. I think it's lack of discipline and not trying to find another solution.

I was far from an angel when I was younger. I used to get punished like have things taken away (games, play time, dessert after dinner, etc.) So when I acted out, I knew I was going to be losing out on something I wanted. I was hit a few times, but never to the point where I would feel like I needed to escape from abuse.

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Re: What would you have done?

:(

It might not be physically damaging in other places, but it's still emotionally damaging.
I don't think it's fair. The poor kids can't fight back. Why hit them? Or talk to them like they're animals?

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I agree with Queer. It infuriates me when I see someone slapping a child on their face. Getting slapped in the face is a humiliating experience and I can't even imagine the long term ramifications.
I think most of us growing up in desi households have been hit/spanked by our parents on more than one occassion. But like you said Manno, never to the point where I felt like I was being abused or anything.
Personally, I am completely against spanking children. Like you said, they cant defend themselves and you run the risk of it becoming your only tool for discipling the child.

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Re: What would you have done?

VERY well put :k:

Again, I, usually, don’t tell anyone how to parent their children. But, I don’t think hitting a child is an appropriate way to discipline a child. Show them they’re wrong, and explain why they’re wrong. Absolutely punish if needed, but to a limit.

Beating the crap out of a 6 year old? Not appropriate AT ALL!

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sup beautiful.. this is what ya call insanity. This is definitely not discipline. What would i have done??. I would call cops..

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Re: What would you have done?

you think ur a high all mighty uber modern gori wannabe .. coming to the rescue of of someone elses kid .. poking ur nose in someone elses familys private matter .. if i was her id tell you off big time

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^It's not the family's private matter when she is giving her kid a public thrashing.

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Re: What would you have done?

its between mother n so n .. who the hell are you or her or anyone else ? .. maybe her kid is a little brat .. how can a stranger really know what the situation is like .. how dare you type of women think you can call the authorities on her .. her son probably already bugged her and on top of that she has to deal with another pareshani .. get a life n mind ur own damn business

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lol

is this soni27? hi pal.

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Re: What would you have done?

I know my opinion won’t be well-liked or well-received…but here it goes anyway. Assuming the kid had clean clothes on and didn’t look like he was being starved…assuming this was a case of verbal/emotional abuse and him just getting slapped around… :hinna: … I would not have done anything.

After all…what’s the alternative? Foster care? Group home? How many of you are actually foster and/or adoptive parents? Are any of you willing to provide a child like that a safe, loving home? I often hear desis talk about adopting newborns from a Muslim country…yet no one ever wants a non-Muslim child who has been abused like this. MANY people are ok with making a phone call to CPS…but not willing to provide a home for a child like that. The CPS system/Social workers are overwhelmed with cases. They can’t even keep up with kids who’re being tortured, starved, sexually abused etc. It’s very easy to get Cops/CPS involved and assume that the kid will be safe. Yet we don’t think about what will happen after. Often kids end up in a worse situation AFTER CPS gets involved.

:hinna: Anyway…so yea…as much as I hate saying it…I would only call CPS in cases of severe abuse or where I felt a child’s life was in danger. But for a case of verbal abuse with slaps…personally I wouldnt’ have done anything.

P.S. For that kids sake, I hope he didn’t get even more of an actual beating IF the cops/CPS decided to send him back to his mom. I can easily see a mom like this blaming the entire incident on the boy and taking out her anger at you…out on him. :bummer:

** And before anyone twists my words…I’m NOT condoning what the mother did. I do believe in corporal punishment but what she was doing crossed the line.

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Re: What would you have done?

Hi Cocktail.
I appreciate you views. That’s why I opened this thread. I wasn’t sure if what I did was 100% correct.

Actually, I don’t think that I’m “high all mighty”, nor am I “uber modern” and I wouldn’t consider myself a “gori wannabe” either.

Yes, I did stop the mom from hitting her kid again, if that’s considered rescuing, so be it. All he wanted was ice cream, like every other child. :bummer:

I don’t think I was poking my nose in anyone’s personal or private business because she was acting a fool in public. But you’re right. It wasn’t my job to do so, but as a human, I felt sympathy for the poor kid.

Maybe her kid is a brat, maybe she’s a drug addict, maybe he hits her. There are a lot of maybes… And you’re absolutely right, there is no way that a stranger would “really” know. But I didn’t act on those maybes. I acted on what I saw and heard.

Throwing a poor kid around and calling him names like he’s an animal is not right.. At all. If someone considers their child a “pareshani”, then that’s a problem all on it’s own.

But again, thank you for your opinion. :slight_smile: