Re: What would you do?
That's like someone with islamic views saying I won't marry a girl because few years ago, she never used to pray or observe hijab and spoke to boys.
seriously
Re: What would you do?
You know, these days I think I would prefer to marry a divorced person versus a never-married. They seem to have a much more sane view of life. I dont hear any of the BS about caste, status, past, blah blah blah out of their mouths. Maybe because they've realized it means nothing?
Baggage in the form of a divorce is not really baggage...its the same as marrying a man who was in love before. And no, no one has to work DOUBLE HARD to make things work...where exactly would all this work go??? Can I get examples of all this hard work people would have to put into a divorcee?? Just curious. These days virtually EVERYONE has fallen in love once before marrying so what exactly is the difference here? A piece of paper? I personally find someone who had the decency to marry their partner much better off than someone who dated and couldnt or didnt.
Women AND men date, chat online, fall in love, secretly crush on someone, emotionally marry themselves off to someone else (while marrying someone else) and then complain about a divorce? Seriously?
Also, people need to stop pretending they know what happens or goes on in a divorced person's mind. Ive spoken to many and I have not met a single man who has compared any prospective woman to his ex-wife. If anything, they are trying to forget their ex-wives! Also, women tend to NOT talk about their previous marriages as its considered A) stupid and B) useless as both are trying to move on. Where do these assumptions come from? I have no idea but its best to abandon them as soon as possible.
A divorce is not a disease...just a choice to be happier alone or with someone else.
Re: What would you do?
People that consider themselves Brand New compared to Divorced People who are Phatay Puranay...I am sure they've been conditioned to believe that its perfectly okay to have this type of mentality.
You know its one thing to have your preferences but its another thing entirely to think you're a cut above the rest for having those preferences.
That IS jihalat.
Re: What would you do?
I said this in the other thread, but the divorce/widow thing doesn't bother me as much as the marrying your dead sibling's spouse thing. But htat's just me,
Re: What would you do?
You know, these days I think I would prefer to marry a divorced person versus a never-married. They seem to have a much more sane view of life. I dont hear any of the BS about caste, status, past, blah blah blah out of their mouths. Maybe because they've realized it means nothing?
Baggage in the form of a divorce is not really baggage...its the same as marrying a man who was in love before. And no, no one has to work DOUBLE HARD to make things work...where exactly would all this work go??? Can I get examples of all this hard work people would have to put into a divorcee?? Just curious. These days virtually EVERYONE has fallen in love once before marrying so what exactly is the difference here? A piece of paper? I personally find someone who had the decency to marry their partner much better off than someone who dated and couldnt or didnt.
Women AND men date, chat online, fall in love, secretly crush on someone, emotionally marry themselves off to someone else (while marrying someone else) and then complain about a divorce? Seriously?
Also, people need to stop pretending they know what happens or goes on in a divorced person's mind. Ive spoken to many and I have not met a single man who has compared any prospective woman to his ex-wife. If anything, they are trying to forget their ex-wives! Also, women tend to NOT talk about their previous marriages as its considered A) stupid and B) useless as both are trying to move on. Where do these assumptions come from? I have no idea but its best to abandon them as soon as possible.
A divorce is not a disease...just a choice to be happier alone or with someone else.
Divorce is not a desease definitely. However, I believe there is a lot of adjustment need to be done by both spouses as they start a new life. Adjusting to each other's routines, each others families, etc. If one of the spouses was divorced, I wonder this topic would ever NOT come up between their discussions (or whenever they have fight).
Besides its the fear which is associated with divorced person which bothers me most. If I knew the person previously and he would have proposed me (and I knew about all the conditions which he had been through), may be I would consider the proposal. But in the arranged marriage settings, when a rishta wali aunty brings you a proposal of "innocent divorced guy", it just freaks me out. How does anyone know if he was innocent or not. We cannot even get to know the story of the ex-wife. So in my view, such marriage is a big risk in an arranged setting.
This is definitely not the case in love marriage setting and if a person likes a person, he should go for it irrespestive of his past, cast etc. So may be the view of not marrying a divorced guy is more based on my situation of arranged marriages.
I also dislike the attitude of families of divorced guys who do not think that their son is divorced and still have long list of criteria when selecting their bahus. I have heard about many families looking for never married girls for their divorced and not willing to consider a divorced/ widowed girl which is sick.
Re: What would you do?
Thank-you :halo:
It’s just like saying two things like suppose apples and mangoes dont go well together but that doesnt make either of them superior?! maybe a bad example but just trying to say that i no way think a divorced person is beyond my level but maybe just not compaitable with me. If that makes any sense…
This :k:
Re: What would you do?
I think evaluating the whole rishta Minus the fact that he is divorced, wod be better. Then in the end you can think about the divorce. The point is Dont judge a person or treat him differently just cause he had a divorce in his life. There could be tons of things that goes on in a person's life and god forbid anyone could be in his shoes tomorrow. What would you prefer for yourself? Would you not want to remarry and get settled with someone. Ok the thought of marrying a brand new girl is maybe crossing the line but the best option would be that a divorcee shud settle for a divorcee until or unless the girl or guy is in love.
I would at least meet the guy n try to find out the reason of his divorce n stuff, rather den jes rejecting him on the basis k ohh u had a divorce ""Rejected""!
Re: What would you do?
I think majority of "brand new" people have similar views on marrying divorced people as the OP, but time and experiece makes us wiser : )
Re: What would you do?
marrying a person who ended up in divorce with some other women isn't a big issue for me. but i would really be conscious about the reason of divorce. if it was not something that can comprise problems for me in the future and all other things are fine...i would have gone for it.
Re: What would you do?
marrying a person who ended up in divorce with some other women isn't a big issue for me. but i would really be conscious about the reason of divorce. if it was not something that can comprise problems for me in the future and all other things are fine...i would have gone for it.
But one can only figure that out in a love marriage and not in an arrange marriage situation.
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But why can't they be compatible for someone who has never been married before? What makes this "been-single-forever" so damn special. I am sick and tired of pakistani people thinking low of divorcee's, as if they don';t have a right to live. I'm sorry to accuse you of this but that is exaclty what you're saying by saying that you and that person is not "compatible".
There is the choice of choosing someone based on their past, and that's totally fine and your own choice. But that's clearly not the point of this thread, it's basically saying that someone who is divorced/widowed is just not as good as someone who is single.
You don't want to marry someone who is divorced? That's fine and your choice... but that gives you no right in hell to assume that they can't or aren't compatible!
Even the Prophet(s.a.w) wanted to divorce with one of his wives and suggested a divorce to with another and he was perfect so who the hell are we to judge someone based on their divorce's and marriages.
When we were in Pakistan to visit, we went to see a girl's family for my brother. She was one year older then my brother and married before. She told us why her marriage ended and it was because her husband was he-she so the marriage ended right away. Years on, and she's still single. She's beautiful, educated and intellegent so shame on my family for saying no to that proposal. It broke my heart to see her feeling shame about her past, as if she had done something wrong.
Re: What would you do?
Wow @ people who think divorcees should only marry divorcees
If the guy had everything I would want in a spouse then I would go ahead with the proposal................I'm assuming here but it seems as if the guy and/or bhabi was forced into the marriage
Re: What would you do?
Divorce is not a desease definitely. However, I believe there is a lot of adjustment need to be done by both spouses as they start a new life. Adjusting to each other's routines, each others families, etc. If one of the spouses was divorced, I wonder this topic would ever NOT come up between their discussions (or whenever they have fight).
The only way this topic would come up is if YOU brought it up. Unless the person you marry is mentally imbalanced...divorced people abide by an unspoken rule of leaving the past in the past. That is what I have come across in my experience. There is no such thing as making double adjustments when marrying a divorcee...this is just another baseless rumor concocted by people who are unmarried to make themselves feel superior...nothing more.
Besides its the fear which is associated with divorced person which bothers me most. If I knew the person previously and he would have proposed me (and I knew about all the conditions which he had been through), may be I would consider the proposal. But in the arranged marriage settings, when a rishta wali aunty brings you a proposal of "innocent divorced guy", it just freaks me out. How does anyone know if he was innocent or not. We cannot even get to know the story of the ex-wife. So in my view, such marriage is a big risk in an arranged setting.
Do you think its easy for a man to trust a woman? Especially if he really was innocent, his wife really was not the right one and now he is gambling on someone like you who thinks his status makes him inferior? How do you think he would feel if he brought you into his home and you ended up hurting his family once again? You dont think you're a gamble or a risk? What does a man know about you? Nothing. And since you werent married...he has no idea if you've got a colorful history or not...neither can he find out. So...it goes both ways.
This is definitely not the case in love marriage setting and if a person likes a person, he should go for it irrespestive of his past, cast etc. So may be the view of not marrying a divorced guy is more based on my situation of arranged marriages.
I also dislike the attitude of families of divorced guys who do not think that their son is divorced and still have long list of criteria when selecting their bahus. I have heard about many families looking for never married girls for their divorced and not willing to consider a divorced/ widowed girl which is sick.
So its sick for a divorcee to have expectations but okay for others to have them because obviously...their status allows them to expect anything and him to expect none? He is divorced! Uski himmat kaise hoti hai...right? This mentality is "sick"...when you subscribe to it yourself?
You know.......one thing Ive learned in life is...kabhi baRa bol nahin bolna chahiye hai.
You never know when you or someone you love will be standing on the same side as the people you look down upon and asking for the same consideration as the people you refused. There is no difference between you and divorcee...aside from qismat. Life dealt him a different hand and you a different one...it could have easily been you that was divorced.
When people become too full of themselves...at times...fate will do things to restore a sense of balance. So before you have the audacity to think of someone as beneath you...think of how easy it would be for Allah swt to simply to make you the one you pity.
Re: What would you do?
hmmm...its quite a dodgy situation since the girl is not emotionally involved with the guy. besides, why girls parents even put the rishta in front of her where this entire situation requires load more research then the above mentioned scenarios. No matter how bad the bhabi is, but the stigma she first labeled with is off widow, and then of divorcee.
btw, good or bad we only get married to who ever is our naseeb. banda jitna marzi research ker lay, date ker lay, relationship may reh lay, shadi waheen hoti hai jahan ALLAH chata hai.
Re: What would you do?
btw, good or bad we only get married to who ever is our naseeb. banda jitna marzi research ker lay, date ker lay, relationship may reh lay, shadi waheen hoti hai jahan ALLAH chata hai.
Apparently who we get married to is not destined but our own efforts or so i have just recently been told :)
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If it was arranged I wouldn't but not because he was divorced.. the bit about him being married off to his brother's wife is a lot more off putting to me.. Apart from me thinking it a bit creepy to have sex with your dead sibling's wife I would think what else is this family into..
(If I really fell in love I'd happily marry a divorced guy with or without kids but in an arranged marriage situation as those feelings aren't there I probably wouldn't..)
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You don't want to marry someone who is divorced? That's fine and your choice... but that gives you no right in hell to assume that they can't or aren't compatible!
Totally agree..
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Apart from me thinking it a bit creepy to have sex with your dead sibling's wife I would think what else is this family into
Talk about exaggerating situations! Phenomenal!
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^And talk about going overboard about a simple comment lol ('phenomenal')..
So they don't have sex?? I meant families who are tied to all this v.cultural stuff often believe in things like the caste system and so on..
The way I look at it my brother would hate the thought of another brother sleeping with his wife whether or not he is around.. If u think differently good for you..
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^ You make it sound like worse than rape and incest. It was a marriage for heaven's sake!