You are a single girl, 24-25 years old. Well educated, from a good family, etc etc. You get a rishta from an equally good family, maybe even more well off, small n educated family.
BUT
5-6 years ago the prospect’s elder bro died and he was married off to his bhabi but that marriage ended up in a divorce within 3-4 months.
Would you accept this proposal? If yes, then why? if no, then why not?.
Pls be honest.
My Views: I would not. However i do understand that these things happen, not necessairly a divorce means you are a bad person or that it was you who didnt make the marriage work. But at the same time i think its not a good match to marry someone who is coming with a baggage especially when you yourself are literally coming in with a clean slate and may not have any thing to balance that baggage with. If you know what i mean…?!. At the same time i also feel bad for the guy because it may very well not be his fault that it didnt work out for him but i would still not go ahead with such a rishta even if everything else was perfect about it. I know one should never say never but like if i had an option i would def not consider.
There are so many things other than previous relationships to consider before marriage. What do you mean by "clean slate"? Understand that divorce doesn't mean that the guy or girl are necessarily bad people. Maybe it just didn't work out. Happens. A failed marriage doesn't mean the second one is going to fail too.
If anything, the divorce may have made the guy a better, stronger person, more caring of relationships :)
If the guy and girl like each other and all that, then WHY NOT?
I would also not consider such a proposal... Its not because I have some bias with divorced people or I think that they are necessarily bad persons, its just that there are already many adjustments need to be done in a marriage and when the guy had already been divorced, there is double work needed to be done by both the spouses... The guy might tend to compare the new wife with the old one, similarly the wife would mention the first marriage which can make them both uncomfortable... In my view, divorced people should marry other divorced persons as they both would understand the ordeal through which each of them have been and can better try to build a secure future together... I have heard many divorced guys desiring for never married girls by saying "Jab humain never married larki mil rahi hai tau hum divorced se shadi kion karain"...
I would also not consider such a proposal... Its not because I have some bias with divorced people or I think that they are necessarily bad persons, its just that there are already many adjustments need to be done in a marriage and when the guy had already been divorced, there is double work needed to be done by both the spouses... The guy might tend to compare the new wife with the old one, similarly the wife would mention the first marriage which can make them both uncomfortable... In my view, divorced people should marry other divorced persons as they both would understand the ordeal through which each of them have been and can better try to build a secure future together... I have heard many divorced guys desiring for never married girls by saying "Jab humain never married larki mil rahi hai tau hum divorced se shadi kion karain"...
Exactly that's what i feel.
^
I agree with you
No way! Bhabhis are like sisters. I don't understand this concept at all. Hence, it would be a big NO
I am sure it wasnt love but done in order to keep the family together. Who knows maybe she had kids and they did it in order 2 keep their grandchildren with them. I don't know.
You are a single girl, 24-25 years old. Well educated, from a good family, etc etc. You get a rishta from an equally good family, maybe even more well off, small n educated family.
BUT
5-6 years ago the prospect's elder bro died and he was married off to his bhabi but that marriage ended up in a divorce within 3-4 months.
Would you accept this proposal? If yes, then why? if no, then why not?.
Pls be honest.
My Views: I would not. However i do understand that these things happen, not necessairly a divorce means you are a bad person or that it was you who didnt make the marriage work. But at the same time i think its not a good match to marry someone who is coming with a baggage especially when you yourself are literally coming in with a clean slate and may not have any thing to balance that baggage with. If you know what i mean....?!. At the same time i also feel bad for the guy because it may very well not be his fault that it didnt work out for him but i would still not go ahead with such a rishta even if everything else was perfect about it. I know one should never say never but like if i had an option i would def not consider.
What are your thoughts?
Obviously you have made up your mind so all one can say that means jumping the gun and without knowing what really were the circumstances one should not make any judgment.
Would you agree if a man does not want to marry a divorced woman just because she was divorced?
Obviously you have made up your mind so all one can say that means jumping the gun and without knowing what really were the circumstances one should not make any judgment.
would you agree if a man does not want to marry a divorced woman?
A Single never married MAN has all the right to say NO to a divorced woman likewise... Every never married person can and should go for never married persons... Divorced/ widowed etc can marry with other divorced/ widowed... I think that will solve much problems of our society when divorced/ widowed men try not to desire never married young girls whereas divorced women don't even get proposals of divorced men coz usually they are after never married girls...
Obviously you have made up your mind so all one can say that means jumping the gun and without knowing what really were the circumstances one should not make any judgment.
would you agree if a man does not want to marry a divorced woman just because she was divorced?
Uh huh. That's precisely why i mentioned one must never say never because really at times things happen which are beyond your control or you just feel fine with such a situation.
And ofcourse why would this change if it was the women who was divorced and not the men? I think divorced people are better off with someone who is divorced or has had a broken relationship to kind of balance things off on tht front.
I wouldn't be surprised if family pressure led to the guy marrying the bhabi and vice versa. If that's what happened...he has to deal with doing something that he's not wholeheartedly into....and she has to deal with the emotional baggage of losing a husband. A first marriage for one...a second for the woman......sooo much baggage and tension involved in such a marriage.
its interesting how its perfectly fine for a never married girl to reject a divorced guy…but if a guy were to reject a divorced woman…that would be all so ‘desi/backward/jaahil’
No, he would not be ‘desi/backward/jaahil’… Everyone has a right to desire a BRAND NEW spouse and divorced persons should try to marry other divorcees so that they can be support to someone of their own kind… As simple as that…
I think it’s more to do with the backwardness of a family thinking it’s right to force thier son to marry his brothers widow. I have no issues with divorced guys, but I would never have married into a family that does those things.
I don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe when the brother died, the family or the guy married his bhabi out of feeling emotional. If he desires to marry someone (single or divorced) it shouldn't be rejected on such a reason. Especially if he is compatible and they make a good pair.
I think there are a lot bigger issues to look into when getting married, rather then issues like these. If we start to pay attention to these details, peoples pasts and mistakes that no longer make a difference in their lives then how many people do we really know that have perfect pasts - very few/liars.
If it was something like he had children or something in that line, then you could have something to object upon
i for some reason can not understand the concept of brand new.
Would it had been okkay if the guy was never married or divorced but had a string of affairs and slept around? would that be considered brand new?
Can anyone ever be sure that the girl or guy they are marrying were never in love or never dated before?
Marrying your widowed bhabbi shows that the person can put aside his needs and feelings aside and scarifice for the sake of family that alone is a very positive trait in my eyes.
‘BRAND NEW’…you’re speaking as if both spouses are objects. I hate it when people talk like this.
I really doubt problems in our society would be solved if divorced men married only divorced women and never married men married only never married women. You seem to think that a marriage cannot work if one of the spouses is divorced.
Anyways, there’d be other factors that I’d have to consider before accepting such a rishta. I’d rather talk to the person first and determine whether or not we would be compatible. If I found that the person has similar interests/hobbies and similar perspectives/views, and if I found the person physically attractive, then I’d probably accept the rishta.
No... sicne the girl is not some anonymous girl and she is still very much a part of his family(and will always be)... I won't consider this proposal...
You are a single girl, 24-25 years old. Well educated, from a good family, etc etc. You get a rishta from an equally good family, maybe even more well off, small n educated family.
BUT
5-6 years ago the prospect's elder bro died and he was married off to his bhabi but that marriage ended up in a divorce within 3-4 months.
Would you accept this proposal? If yes, then why? if no, then why not?.
Pls be honest.
My Views: I would not. However i do understand that these things happen, not necessairly a divorce means you are a bad person or that it was you who didnt make the marriage work. But at the same time i think its not a good match to marry someone who is coming with a baggage especially when you yourself are literally coming in with a clean slate and may not have any thing to balance that baggage with. If you know what i mean....?!. At the same time i also feel bad for the guy because it may very well not be his fault that it didnt work out for him but i would still not go ahead with such a rishta even if everything else was perfect about it. I know one should never say never but like if i had an option i would def not consider.
…u have to read older threads to know what i mean 