What would you do?

[Reha]

Re: What would you do?

@Ashy2010

Divorce is not a desease definitely. However, I believe there is a lot of adjustment need to be done by both spouses as they start a new life. Adjusting to each other’s routines, each others families, etc. If one of the spouses was divorced, I wonder this topic would ever NOT come up between their discussions (or whenever they have fight).

The only way this topic would come up is if YOU brought it up. Unless the person you marry is mentally imbalanced…divorced people abide by an unspoken rule of leaving the past in the past. That is what I have come across in my experience. There is no such thing as making double adjustments when marrying a divorcee…this is just another baseless rumor concocted by people who are unmarried to make themselves feel superior…nothing more.

Besides its the fear which is associated with divorced person which bothers me most. If I knew the person previously and he would have proposed me (and I knew about all the conditions which he had been through), may be I would consider the proposal. But in the arranged marriage settings, when a rishta wali aunty brings you a proposal of “innocent divorced guy”, it just freaks me out. How does anyone know if he was innocent or not. We cannot even get to know the story of the ex-wife. So in my view, such marriage is a big risk in an arranged setting.

Do you think its easy for a man to trust a woman? Especially if he really was innocent, his wife really was not the right one and now he is gambling on someone like you who thinks his status makes him inferior? How do you think he would feel if he brought you into his home and you ended up hurting his family once again? You dont think you’re a gamble or a risk? What does a man know about you? Nothing. And since you werent married…he has no idea if you’ve got a colorful history or not…neither can he find out. So…it goes both ways.

This is definitely not the case in love marriage setting and if a person likes a person, he should go for it irrespestive of his past, cast etc. So may be the view of not marrying a divorced guy is more based on my situation of arranged marriages.

I also dislike the attitude of families of divorced guys who do not think that their son is divorced and still have long list of criteria when selecting their bahus. I have heard about many families looking for never married girls for their divorced and not willing to consider a divorced/ widowed girl which is sick.

So its sick for a divorcee to have expectations but okay for others to have them because obviously…their status allows them to expect anything and him to expect none? He is divorced! Uski himmat kaise hoti hai…right? This mentality is “sick”…when you subscribe to it yourself?

You know…one thing Ive learned in life is…kabhi baRa bol nahin bolna chahiye hai.

You never know when you or someone you love will be standing on the same side as the people you look down upon and asking for the same consideration as the people you refused. There is no difference between you and divorcee…aside from qismat. Life dealt him a different hand and you a different one…it could have easily been you that was divorced.

When people become too full of themselves…at times…fate will do things to restore a sense of balance. So before you have the audacity to think of someone as beneath you…think of how easy it would be for Allah swt to simply to make you the one you pity.