What would you do?

[Ashy2010]

Re: What would you do?

@Reha

You know, these days I think I would prefer to marry a divorced person versus a never-married. They seem to have a much more sane view of life. I dont hear any of the BS about caste, status, past, blah blah blah out of their mouths. Maybe because they’ve realized it means nothing?

Baggage in the form of a divorce is not really baggage…its the same as marrying a man who was in love before. And no, no one has to work DOUBLE HARD to make things work…where exactly would all this work go??? Can I get examples of all this hard work people would have to put into a divorcee?? Just curious. These days virtually EVERYONE has fallen in love once before marrying so what exactly is the difference here? A piece of paper? I personally find someone who had the decency to marry their partner much better off than someone who dated and couldnt or didnt.

Women AND men date, chat online, fall in love, secretly crush on someone, emotionally marry themselves off to someone else (while marrying someone else) and then complain about a divorce? Seriously?

Also, people need to stop pretending they know what happens or goes on in a divorced person’s mind. Ive spoken to many and I have not met a single man who has compared any prospective woman to his ex-wife. If anything, they are trying to forget their ex-wives! Also, women tend to NOT talk about their previous marriages as its considered A) stupid and B) useless as both are trying to move on. Where do these assumptions come from? I have no idea but its best to abandon them as soon as possible.

A divorce is not a disease…just a choice to be happier alone or with someone else.

Divorce is not a desease definitely. However, I believe there is a lot of adjustment need to be done by both spouses as they start a new life. Adjusting to each other’s routines, each others families, etc. If one of the spouses was divorced, I wonder this topic would ever NOT come up between their discussions (or whenever they have fight).

Besides its the fear which is associated with divorced person which bothers me most. If I knew the person previously and he would have proposed me (and I knew about all the conditions which he had been through), may be I would consider the proposal. But in the arranged marriage settings, when a rishta wali aunty brings you a proposal of “innocent divorced guy”, it just freaks me out. How does anyone know if he was innocent or not. We cannot even get to know the story of the ex-wife. So in my view, such marriage is a big risk in an arranged setting.

This is definitely not the case in love marriage setting and if a person likes a person, he should go for it irrespestive of his past, cast etc. So may be the view of not marrying a divorced guy is more based on my situation of arranged marriages.

I also dislike the attitude of families of divorced guys who do not think that their son is divorced and still have long list of criteria when selecting their bahus. I have heard about many families looking for never married girls for their divorced and not willing to consider a divorced/ widowed girl which is sick.