Re: what would you do?
ok the way i see this is it doesn't matter if this guy is a muslim or not . he is bad news. he is trouble. he's 29 and still doesn't know where his life is going? these kind of men end up in divorce no matter what faith they fallow. i say marry the doc. or wait for someone else.
Re: what would you do?
Don't go for the guy. If he says that he's no religion, then that means he's completely denounced that he's Muslim. He is not Muslim anymore.
You can't play politics with Islam. You either are a Muslim or you're not. Saying that "I'm of no religion" is the diplomatic way of saying I'm not Muslim.
Re: what would you do?
Don't go for the guy. If he says that he's no religion, then that means he's completely denounced that he's Muslim. He is not Muslim anymore.
You can't play politics with Islam. You either are a Muslim or you're not. Saying that "I'm of no religion" is the diplomatic way of saying I'm not Muslim.
I could not say it better.
Re: what would you do?
im not wanting someone to say yes, i just want to hear what other people would do.
princess jojo hes very into me, i told him we wouldnt work and we shouldnt do this and just move on, but he is very insistent and persistent and 100% believes that we can make this work. We've been talking about marriage for over 2 years, but its just recently that when his mother realized that he really does want to marry me shes started saying things, i think and him also to some extent, to him like youre not 100% muslim, and since youre half and half your kids should be too, it wouldnt be fair to us etc. but he thinks that we can work just fine.
abassi, and Pataka, i mostly agree with you. these are my arguments with him. Islam and Hindu just can't work. and at 29, he should know what he wants in life. its ridiculous that he still can't decide. but i do love being with him, and he honestly can easily convince me that we'd be ok.
i've done istikhara several times, even to the full 7 days, and im still confused. i asked my mother to do istikhara and she was like i dont have a great feeling. but she wasnt like it was terrible dont do it!!
ill do istikhara again, this time seeing if i should go with the doc, cause doing istikhara for the hindu boy just doesn't seem to work, idk why.
please pray for me.
Re: what would you do?
you have the following choices -
a) you become hindu and marry him and have hindu kids
b) he becomes muslim and you marry him and then have muslim kids
c) You both stay hindu/muslim and your kids follow no religion and decide when they are older
but for pete's sake, don't cause more confusion by raising half hindu half muslim kids! Making them wake up for fajr and do pooja at the same time, it's just plain stupidity. I think mariages between a muslim woman and non-muslim can work, I've seen it but in these cases the parties aren't very religious at all.
Re: what would you do?
falooda, im not becoming hindu. thats not an option. my kids wouldnt do pooja and pray, he just wants the title so his parents dont feel left out, but honestly they dont even practice their religion really. his dad has on picture of their god up other wise neither his mom or dad have gone to any temples in over 10 years. there really wouldnt be any practicing of Hinduism, just the title.
im really honestly confused. i did istikhara for the other guy and ive got nothing. im more confused daily. ugh.
Re: what would you do?
Anjanisikuri, I'm not advising you one way or another. However, I hope you understand one thing about human nature...
Even if a person is not religious, he/she will want his/her children to be of the same religion...It's some innate, irrational possessiveness that is surely not logical but it does exist.
And I'm not just talking about him and his parents. This applies to you and your parents too.
That said, I hope you can find a solution that gives you peace.
Re: what would you do?
princessjojo, that innate thing youre speaking of, i totally understand it. thats why im not giving in. i know he doesnt care, and his parents dont either about religion to an extent, but thats why hes asking for just the title, hes like so that his parents will have something, or some type of claim to the kids. so even though he claims hes not religious he still wants his religious title to be passed on to his kids, its frustrating.
im trying to convince him it wont work but hes so optimistic. thanks for the well wishes. this is just so difficult
Re: what would you do?
He does care. He wants at least the name associated- which means that he does care. Think with an open mind.
A title means a lot. It becomes a part of a person's identity and it influences who that person associates with.
I'm not making him out to be the villian here, because you both are in the same poition.
Do you live in India or some where else?
Re: what would you do?
OK, so he converted at 14? Under what circumstances?
Re: what would you do?
We both live in the US. His parents and he himself dont really practice anything. but like their title. his parents more than him, and hes only asking me for the title as well because he wants to be fair to his parents, which is nice.
but i just cant see how a muslim and hindu can share a title. its totally polar opposites religion wise.
Niksik, he converted after hanging out with a lot of muslim people, they took him to lectures and speeches and stuff, and he kept getting more involved because of the people he was surrounded with. he kept at it on his own for a long time until he just slowly stopped.
Re: what would you do?
He does care. He wants at least the name associated- which means that he does care. Think with an open mind. A title means a lot. It becomes a part of a person's identity and it influences who that person associates with.
I agree with Jojo. We have a friend who married a Hindu girl who converted to Islam but is not really a practicing Muslim. Her parents are Hindus so when their kids were born, even though they are Muslim kids, the girl's parents took them for the whole new baby pooja process by having the priest come to the house and perform the pooja in front of the fire.
This one smells like a similar case to me. I would take this as a trial from Allah swt. Ask the guy if he's willing to become a practicing Muslim. If he's reluctant to do so, then you would need to move on. It will be VERY TOUGH but that is your trial to see if you succeed. May Allah swt guide you. Ameen
Re: what would you do?
r u more into heaven or hell?
Re: what would you do?
^ I do not know why this girl is being judged so much.. asking are you into heaven or hell makes no sense what so ever. She asked what would you do so just answer that no need to involve emotional torture and manipulation.
anjanisikuri... do what makes you happy but just do not regret it later.
My fiance's family is really religious. His sister is my best-friend and he started liking me and sent rishta for me. I let my mom decide and she accepted because he is my brothers friend and she likes him very much for me. I was raised without (however I do not believe in that). My fiance's mom asked me to read the Quran, so i did. I am still researching about religions and his mom keeps bringing religion up everytime any dawaat comes up. I am sure that I want to be a muslim but I do not want to get pressure by my MIL to be. My fiance asked me to just call myself a muslim infront of his family and convert infront of them but not actually practice the religion but I refused to do so. I told him that I do not want to lie and make promises to his family that I might or might not keep. Because later on, I will be the one being blamed if anything goes wrong and I just can not pretend to be someone that I am not.
Do not make any commitments that you will not keep.
I think you should really consider all possibilities.. people tend to become more religious when they grow up, or so I have heard. So, you never know. He might later decide that he is a hindu after all then what will you do?
I am not trying to scare you but before you decide what you want please consider all senarios.
I hope that helped.
Re: what would you do?
i wouldn't do it. if you marry the hindu guy your kids are gonna grow up totally confused...it's not possible to be "half" of one religion and "half" of another. religions are based on faith and beliefs and the two religions have conflicting ideas so i think it's going to be a very complicated situation for you guys. and besides, it's not permissible for a muslim woman to marry a non-muslim man (and im gonna say that being "half muslim" isn't really muslim, it's just plain confused). if you weren't able to change his ideas about practicing islam before marriage what makes you think that by becoming his wife you will be able to? people don't magically change, and if you don't resolve all these issues by the time you get married you're going to make your situation very difficult. unless you can do that, just go with whatever rishta your family seems to feel good about (and you seem to feel is good too)
Re: what would you do?
I knew someone whose paternal grandparents were muslim and mother was bahai , father ws not very religious i think. He left it for children to chose what they want to be and they chose to be bahai !!!
I am not sure but one can think that Islam has more restrictions in comparison and may be thats is why the children chose to be bahai... (I would not call these restrictions rather the way of life but to a person who does not belive in Islam some rules may feel like restrictions)
the point is that there is a 50% chance that children growing up with different religions in the house might not choose Islam as their religion or may be they turn out to be more liberal
We as muslims believe in after life and Heaven and Hell and even though I am not saying I follow religion 100% , but I cannot think that somone I love will go to Jahanum or will bear azaab.
Once you have children, you will know that your love for your child is enormous and to think that your child may not follow religion and would have to bear azaab would be unbearable !!
I cannot see my child hurt, it takes my heart out to see him crying (even though he is at the age where he is faking it 90% of the time), cannot even imagine that when he grows up he will drink or do any sin for which he would have to bear azab.
Just think of it, parents cannot see their children get hurt while playing, want them to play safely, try to get harmful stuff out of theier reach
Religion is more that this and it should be given a careful thought.
You dont want to convert ..... what you dont want for yourself, how can you want it for your child, why do you want your future child to have an option that he/she can chose between religions
If you have any neice or nephew , imagine it for them, imagine it for any one you love !!!
I know of families whre one parent is sunni and the other shia and even in those cases, either the children follow one sect i.e. either sunni or shia or are confused, follow what they want from whatever sect.
Would you want that for your future children ?
Think it through, think about everything , about future
Re: what would you do?
Honestly, I'd jump off a cliff. Try it.
Re: what would you do?
Honestly, I'd jump off a cliff. Try it.
wowww.. SHOCKED!
Re: what would you do?
wowww.. SHOCKED!
If the thread maker had a working brain, She'd know what to do.
Re: what would you do?
If the thread maker had a working brain, She'd know what to do.
So you are saying that you have never asked any one for advice? ever?