what would you do?

mizsani · October 27, 2010, 1:57am

Re: what would you do?

tears tht was soo amazing!!!

Sounds like he’s willing to raise the kids as Muslims…but in front of his parents, he wants to call them Hindu. While his intentions are good, that doesn’t work. He will not be able to continue deceiving his parents for too long.

Question you need to ask your BF:

What will he do when the kids are old enough to talk and MENTIONS to his parents about going to the masjid, doing namaz etc?? His parents aren’t stupid. If he’s telling the parents that the children are “hindu”, and yet when the parents are around the children and eventually realize that the kids are being raised as Muslim (and believe me this WILL happen once the kids are old enough to talk), what will your BF do then?

Things for YOU to consider:

I know a few “mixed religion” couples. This only works if both the people are not too religious. They either teach the kids about BOTH religions, or they focus on raising the kids more as a spiritual person rather the focusing on one religion.

In order for this marriage to work, you can never bash or say anything negative about Hinduism to your kids. Whether or not your BF believes in it…if it ever appears that you’re saying anything negative about Hindus (ie. his parents) to the children, it WILL cause problems in the marriage. Ask yourself if you can do this.

Since your BF is the only son, his children will also be their only grandchildren. Your BF has no way of knowing how will parents will be once they have grandkids. So let’s imagine the following scenario (which is a real possibility): Your BF tells his parents the kids are “Hindu”. But you’re raising them as “Muslims” in your house. Once the kids are a few years old (or older), all of a sudden his parents become religious. When you(and the kids) go over there, his parents want to take the grandchild to the mandir for pooja. How will your BF and you handle that? I’m not an expert on Hinduism but I’m sure they have certain religious ceremonies for newborn babies too (just like Muslims have aqeeka). So IF his parents want to perform those ceremonies for their first “Hindu” grandchild, what will your BF tell them?

Following the above fictional scenario, are YOU willing to allow his parents to perform religious ceremonies or allow them to take your kids to the mandir or other religious events? Are you willing to deal with the major conflict that will arise IF you say “no” in the above scenario? If push comes to shove, once there are children involved in the marriage, do you honestly believe your BF (then husband) will choose your “side” over his parents?

Are your parents and his parents willing to meet? Well, if you BF wants to tell his parents the kids are “hindu” as a lie…does he expect your parents and your side of the family to keep up the “lie” if/when they meet his parents? I’m assuming if you two get married, there will be many family events where BOTH sides attending.

Last Q for you: Why are you in a rush to get married asap? Why is the choice between your BF or the 30 year old doctor? Why can’t you say “no” to the doctor (since you don’t like him)…try to see if you and your BF can actually make this work…and meanwhile your parents can try to see if they can find you another Muslim rishta that you might actually like?

I’m not saying whether or not you should marry the Hindu BF…I’m saying that I believe there are many things you and him have not talked about. And since you seem to be adamant that the kids be raised as Muslims, there are many possible scenarios you and him need to talk about and REALISTICALLY decide what your true views are on religion and kids.

You also need to consider #3 and #4 seriously. As my parents get older, they’re becoming more religious. I can honestly say that my parents are more religious now than they were 5 years ago. Same situation with my SO’s parents. His parents are more religious now than they were years ago. When you involve children in the picture, that can also change things (ie. grandparents wish to pass on their knowledge to their grandchildren). Your BF’s parents may not be practicing Hindus right now…but you and your BF need to decide what will happen if down the road they actually do become practicing Hindus and actually start caring about the religion of their grandchild.