So you always dreamed of being a succesful career woman…you got your chance and you worked really hard to turn your dream into reality…you see yourself reaching some where…this is one side of the story
other is—
you are also getting old…your parents want you to get married…you yourself feel the need to get married…but you are not ready to sacrifice your career for it…you want to marry someone who wont have a problem with you working…your parents feel that if he does not want you to work,it is no excuse to refuse a good rishta…you don’t want to hurt your parents…you dont want to sacrifice your career…you are all confused
There are plenty of men out there who like the fact that their wives work, or at least don't have a problem with it. I don't know if it's a good idea to start a relationship with someone by being unhappy with what you are losing. I suppose it doesn't hurt to meet the person -- maybe he will change? or you will change? but if you aren't sure when you are married, it can/will add a lot of tension between you.
I'm not sure that you have to have "time" for marriage. But your mindset and focus changes -- it's not just about you and what's good for you any more. If you want someone to share your life with and commit to, then marriage is probably the right thing for you. But that doesn't mean that this specific guy is the right one to share your life with.
^ Like you said "it's not just about you and what's good for you any more" so you have to make "time" for someone who shares your life. If it takes a conscious effort and requires balancing career and family then that's what one should do.
If your parents want you to get married or the fact that you are getting old are the reasons then you are being unfair with your career and your spouse.
i agree with GtG here.. why don’t you talk to the guy first.. lets see how he takes it.. mayb he is understanding enuff to see your point… thats a good start … or you can just go with the flow.. adjust with the new setup.. that is being married and all.. and THEN try to persuade hubby to let you work.. but there is always a risk that he might still say no… or just find a hubby yourself who would have no problem with you working .. m sure your parents would not disagree that after all that time you DID agree to marry sumone… :k:
Trying to talk to prospective hubby is a good solution but better solution would be to communicate the issue to your parents and then to your hubby-to-be directly or via your parents. It is a catch-22 situation to be honest and maybe istikhara would help??
you should get enough time between your engagement and marriage in order to understand eachother and sort out things and issues concerning your and his future. Make it a clear point that you want to continue with your career, u might have to postone kids for a while but there's no reason to postpone the marriage... IF your husband is on ure side i.e.
Otherwise tell your parents to make it a "condition" that u'll be a working lady and will be continuing your job 4 some time.
Unless they are making her the CEO of Microsoft there no reason for a woman to postpone marriage or reject good rishta offers. The real accomplishment of ‘successful career women’ is that she is able to manage a balance between his family and work. By trying to avoid or delay family matters in order to become successful at work is not a achievement in my opinion.
^ On the contrary, in MOST cases I have noticed that the more time and effort you put in your job, the more likely you are to be successful. In this case it is perfectly acceptable if a woman wishes to put family life on hold for a while. Like I said earlier, it's all about priorities. The exception being your husband doesn't mind you being an workaholic!
However, another trend I have noticed in desi girls today is that this whole working woman career thing poses as a perfect delaying tactic for marriage. It's a legitimate and very convenient excuse to ward off family pressures just because they don't feel like undertaking the responsibilities of married life.
Ask these very same wannabe career women what their future ambitions or goals are and they give you this blank look. They haven't got a clue or even the slightest intention of working. Running away from responsibility is never an admirable trait, IMO.
fanta, if the guy is worth it, you should go for it. Try to find a middle ground with him regarding your work. Probably working part-time for a few years, while you get settled with married life, might be helpful or free-lancing (if thats a possibility) instead of a 9-5 job. Something that doesn't effect your family life too much. Important thing is not to lose touch with your field. If you are able to do that then probably a few years down the line you can start working full time again.
Fortunately or unfortunately, we live in such closely knit families in Pakistan that each personal decision of ours manages to effect 100 or so other people. We have to take into account our parents' priorities and understand their point of view. If you were living in the west things would have been far more convenient personally for you.
But go for it only if the guy is worth it. If he just some aira ghaira or someone you dont like at all then kick him out of your way.
I don't think you are a 'successful career woman' yet. You should have included 'find a husband' in your list of things to do. Why can't you find one on your own?
.. m sure your parents would not disagree that after all that time you DID agree to marry sumone… :k: