Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested…
GS Bot ~ Knight ~ trolling
To increase traffic for useless reasons.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
Sorry I know it's really serious topic but still I'm thinking if these rules are in Pakistan most of the men get arrested :)
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
Nnabid, I had the divorce thought prior to even finishing reading the OP's entire post. When I read that they have children, it slowed me down and I said that if he decides to give this marriage another chance, then his wife will have to change and he will have to let go if his grudge and open his heart to acknowledging her positive efforts. These things are no easy feats for both persons and will require both of them to have strong inner will power and sabar. You zeroed in on that one sentence of mine, but you didn't consider the rest of my post it seems which also included suggestions for the couple should they choose to remain married. So, my post wasn't entirely negative. And, yes, it does give some insight to her character/personality.
I disagree with you in that it was only a "stupid reaction." This is a woman who was educated in the US. She must know that 911 is not an advice hotline. What she did was humiliating to her husband. Husband and wife are supposed to be a garment/libaas for each other....and a garment protects and conceals one's shame.....it doesn't expose to the world.
I agree with everything you say, except that even if there were not kids involved, I still wouldn't advocate divorce. Your second post where you ask questions about her track record of breaking his trust or making rash decisions which have bad consequences are a much better indicator of her moral character and personality as opposed to this one incident. Based on what OP is saying, I am assuming she is otherwise a good wife, but just acting out of emotions - therefore I wouldn't announce divorced based on that! Seriously - I can't stress how much divorce is not a game. I don't know why it is the go-to option that is pulled out here.
In the parenting thread, someone has posted a topic on how to help children deal with divorce, and someone very aptly commented that there are so many advocators of divorce on GS, but as soon as they have to deal with the consequences, sub khamosh ho jatay hai. I don't see even half the people on here who are shouting divorce giving advice on how to deal with the aftermath over there.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
Husband and wife are supposed to be a garment/libaas for each other....and a garment protects and conceals one's shame.....it doesn't expose to the world.
I like this point. I agree with you RV. But I think it takes time to even realise the sanctity of this point in a marriage. Like I mentioned earlier, the understanding of being each other's lebaas doesn't come with the nikkah form; I am telling you from experience that you learn as you go along. And, assuming she has a generally good character and has not done anything to break his trust in the past, I would try to forgive her.
I also agree that this will be difficult for the husband and will take time. He also needs to take some steps to show the severity of her actions and so that it doesn't happen again. But I wouldn't go further than that. Especially if he loves her and is happy with her.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
Op, did your friends have an overall good marriage prior to this incident? Granted both him and his wife made mistakes along the way as neither of them are perfect, but was he overall happy? Does his wife have a track record of breaking his trust and embarrassing him....OR....has she mostly done her best to maintain his trust and image and to support him? Prior to this incident, has she brought more good into his life than bad? Has she overall been a good mother? Forgiving her would be the bigger thing to do and more dear to Allah, if he is able to manage it. *********Tell him to ask himself these questions.
One thing that he should consider is that the whole ordeal is very shame-inducing for her as well. And what makes matters worse is if the children resent her for her mistake. It is bad enough when ONLY your spouse resents you, it is even worse if your children ALSO resent you. So, in this regard, she may be in a worse place than him because she has to restore her image in the eyes of 3 parties: her husband, her children, and society. Whereas the husband has only to face society if his family believes him to be a decent man.** ******** Tell your friend to think from this angle as well as it might induce more sympathy/compassion for his wife.
Since he has to make a huge decision, he needs to look at it from all angles...the good and the bad......and not only focus on the negative.
I will try to give more details, the husband was not even at home when he was charged the venting was done over the phone so no chance of physical contact, In many states and Canada police are mandated to lay charges every time a call is made, please note for victim protection the victim does not lay charges, the police does, the victim cannot recant the statement. She called the police, police told her that they will lay charges, she told them that she does not want to lay charges, but once the police is called you cannot withdraw the complaint. My friend is an accomplished executive and knows the system, he did not resist the police, actually the wife made a lot of drama and was protesting his arrest, he police threatened to arrest her if she did not calm down, she ran to the station and told the captain that she was tricked into incriminating him, but in these situation the police cant withdraw charges, you have to go thru bail hearings, he was bailed in 24 hrs, with a court date of one month, during this time he was not allowed to go back home, call, text or email the wife and children, I was the messenger b/w them, after one month he got court date where he was charged, they sat in court holding hands, the judge remarked to crown that she does not see scared of him and allowed him to go back home, he had to appear in court 1yr later, condition of bail was mandatory counselling. One year later Crown dropped the case,they investigated neighbors, doctors ect and could no find evidence.I will post relevant laws later,
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested…
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After this experience with my friends, I think it is imperative that w educate ourselves in these laws, Girls here must be awesome as the western girls use theses laws fully on a regular basis, the broadness of the law deems almost every husband as abuser, If you prevent her from going to maika, compel her to make GOL ROTI, look after your mom, these are all abuse as per current laws. If you ask her to go on a diet that may be classified as emotional and psychological abuse, compelling them to do sth against their will is also classified as abuse.
What you need to know about domestic assault charges | Criminal Defence Articles by Tushar K. Pain**
Posted by: Toronto Criminal Defence Lawyer
Introduction
“Domestic cases” are those that involve allegations of violence or threats of violence between family members. Although there are many situations in which charges of a domestic nature can arise, the most common example is one in which a man is charged with having assaulted or threatened his female partner (girlfriend or spouse).
The Incident
In many cases, domestic-type charges arise from either an argument or a physical confrontation between spouses. In many of these situations, the woman will call “911” to make a complaint about her husband’s behaviour towards her. This may involve an allegation of violence or threats towards her. In response, the police will be sent to the home to investigate the matter. Usually, two police officers arrive on the scene. One interviews the female while the other talks to the male. An allegation of criminal behaviour by the wife typically results in the arrest and charging of the husband.
The Arrest
The husband is placed in handcuffs and taken to the police station. Although the police have the discretion to process the husband and release him from the station, this is rarely done. Instead, the husband is detained in custody until he can be taken to court for a bail hearing. The bail hearing may take place the same day, the next day, or even several days later. Two typical conditions of release are 1) that the husband not communicate either directly or indirectly with his wife and 2) that he not attend the home address (this is usually where the wife is staying). This latter condition can be placed on the accused by the court even in a situation where the accused is the sole legal owner of the property. This means that he will have to find another place to live until the matter is concluded. To get this or any other bail condition changed, an application for a bail review must bebrought in the Superior Court of Justice. In some instances the Crown may be persuaded to consent to a variation in the bail. This will obviate the need for a bail review application.
Difficulties regarding bail conditions should be discussed with a lawyer. A diligent lawyer will aim to understand the concerns of the client, educate the client about what options are available, outline the timelines, costs, and procedures involved, and recommend a course of action.
The Investigation
Following the police interview of the wife at the home, several things may happen. If there appear to be any physical injuries, they may be photographed by the police. The wife may be asked by the officer to review and sign a written statement or she may be asked to attend the police station to give an audiotaped or videotaped statement.
Trying To Get The Charge Withdrawn
The wife may have called the police under the mistaken belief that they would come to the house to mediate (what she considers to be) a marital dispute or scare some sense into her husband. When she realizes that he is being arrested and will not be allowed to return to the house, often times regret sets in. Believing that it is her complaint to withdraw, she may try to recant her statement or withdraw the charges. Finding that the police will not withdraw the charges, she may even attend court to speak to the Crown or someone in the Victim Witness Program. Her request to have the charges withdrawn will be unsuccessful and she may be exposing herself to criminal charges. Once laid, “domestic charges” will rarely be withdrawn by the Crown. Faced with these circumstances, a complainant (the wife) wishing to have the charges withdrawn should consult her own lawyer regarding an appropriate course of action.
Timelines
Usually the only “quick way out” of this type of situation for an accused is through a guilty plea. Otherwise, “domestic charges” can often take months to wind their way through the court system. This often means that families will be apart for long periods of time. Where there is a desire to reconcile, legal representation should be sought at the earliest possible stage to avoid unnecessary delay and hardship. A good lawyer will be able to take appropriate action to ensure that the case moves ahead as quickly as possible.
The Trial
The accused should write down everything that occurred as soon as possible to prepare for a potential trial. This will help preserve his memory of the events. If he has suffered any injuries as a result of the incident, he should have these properly documented and photographed. The police should not be relied upon to document and photograph injuries of the accused.
At trial, the complainant will usually be called as a witness by the prosecution to prove the case against the accused. In some situations the witness may testify to a different set of circumstances than that complained of to the police. Alternatively, the witness may testify that she has forgotten what happened. In either situation this will likely result in the Crown making an application to the court to have the witness declared a hostile witness or to have other previously recorded evidence admitted against the husband.
The complainant may not be present at the trial for various reasons. Depending on the circumstances of the case, sometimes this will work in the accused’s favour and sometimes it will not.
At the conclusion of a trial there will usually either be a finding of “guilty” or “not guilty”. A finding of “not guilty” ends the matter and the accused person is free to resume his life as it was before the charge. A finding of “guilty” is followed by the sentencing process. Sentencing may or may not result in jail time. It will, however, usually result in some period of probation. Probation orders typically include conditions that require the accused to attend some form of counselling and not to have any contact with the complainant except with her written and revocable permission.
Facing a “domestic charge” can be an overwhelming experience. An understanding of your situation is crucial dealing with the problem in an effective manner.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
Moral of thread, Nadz should move to Canada.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
If i were your friend i would divorce her, and move on, life is too short to waste your time with one psychotic person, he could find a better wife.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested…
Of all the people in the world, she called the cops to get an advice on husband’s yelling?