I have this friend that was going thru some issues with his wife, fairly educated girl but as a lot of girls brought up in Pakistan, does not have a sense of responsibility, and is not very reliable or dependable sort, she was bugging my friend to take the family for vacations, the husband was responsible for planning and paying for the holidays and the wife was to complete the passport papers for the kids, firstly it took her several months to complete the apps and he she made tons of mistakes on them, the husband after waiting in lines many times was turned back from the passport office, now time is running out ad he had to pay urgent fees for passports, the apps were still deficient and this time he got upset and yelled at her over the phone, no threats just yelling. Came home cooled off had a real pleasant evening with the family
Next morning there is a knock on the door, police handcuffed him and arrested him, apparently the wife had complained about his yelling, she did not charge him but here the charges are laid by police and not the person and the person is not allowed to withdraw charges, he was released on bail next day, but was not allowed to go back home for a month. Eventually he won the case in the court, the wife is claiming naivety as she just called for advise and didn’t lay charges.
My friend is seeking advice from me, should e divorce the wife, he really loves his kids and does not want to mess their lives.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
This happened in the US?
The police don't arrest for domestic violence unless there are bruises/injuries present.
Maybe he argued and fought with the officers or something?
And if she really called the cops for "advice", then she would be facing charges as well.
I think there's a lot more to this story.
What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
^ that's what I was going to say. Authorities try not to get involved in domestic disputes unless there is some kind of abuse involved but they will come there and check out the situation. Doesn't make sense, the wife called the next morning? And if she had called for advice, they would have picked up on her issues when they came but why would they arrest the husband just for yelling? And he couldn't come home for a moth? None of this adds up. Either he hit her or something else happened for him to get arrested in the first plae.
Op, I think your being asked to give difficult advice and I think it's difficult for an outsider to give that kind of guidance. This person needs to assess his own situation.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
First of all, I know many women who were born and raised in Pakistan. And while they vary in terms of being responsible/mature, I haven't come across anyone who has pulled a stunt like this.
I am surprised that the cops did not bother to assess the situation when they entered the home, such as assess for marks of abuse, perhaps talk to the kids to see if any of them ever witnessed their dad make any threats or physically harm their mother. Maybe the wife does not speak English well and was misunderstood by the cops ...to where they thought she was under some danger...of course compounded by things like crying and an anxious tone on the phone. She may have done a lot "more" than just seek advice. And since when is 911 used as an advice service?
When I read the post, I thought to myself that he should just leave his wife as this is the kind of betrayal that's up there with infidelity cuz your spouse's trust is not only broken but came with public humiliation. But kids always complicate the situation. To persevere or divorce is a question only your friend can answer. He has to ask himself if he can ever respect and trust his wife again let alone love her. And if he thinks there's hope, then he needs to set boundaries and she'll have to work hard to win his trust again and she'll have to change herself. He'll have to open his heart to acknowledge her efforts if he wants to give this another shot. Sometimes when we have a grudge toward someone, we become closed to any good/change the person makes. That said, if he decides to forgive and remain married, he'll have to work on not letting the past cast a shadow on the present. I also don't think that his decision should be based on which direction the majority of responders lean.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
^ that's what I was going to say. Authorities try not to get involved in domestic disputes unless there is some kind of abuse involved but they will come there and check out the situation. Doesn't make sense, the wife called the next morning? And if she had called for advice, they would have picked up on her issues when they came but why would they arrest the husband just for yelling? And he couldn't come home for a moth? None of this adds up. Either he hit her or something else happened for him to get arrested in the first plae.
Op, I think your being asked to give difficult advice and I think it's difficult for an outsider to give that kind of guidance. This person needs to assess his own situation.
Canada is much different than US I guess, the police are required to actively lay charges here the victims does not lay charges or withdraw them as many partners don't want to charge their spouses, I was in court with them and she was claiming she was intimidated by officers that if she does not implicate him they will charge her with mischief. She had called the police the day before but they came the next day. The police checked with doctors, hospitals, neighbours ect and could not find a shred of evidence against him. The court did acquit him though so it proves he did nothing
Just before this incidence a Sikh RCMP officer had killed his wife and they wanted to be extra cautious.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
there is more to the story. If the girl is educated and non-psychotic, she won't call the cops just because her husband yelled at her. May be your dear friend became a bit physical and is not telling you?
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
First of all, I know many women who were born and raised in Pakistan. And while they vary in terms of being responsible/mature, I haven't come across anyone who has pulled a stunt like this.
I am surprised that the cops did not bother to assess the situation when they entered the home, such as assess for marks of abuse, perhaps talk to the kids to see if any of them ever witnessed their dad make any threats or physically harm their mother. Maybe the wife does not speak English well and was misunderstood by the cops ...to where they thought she was under some danger...of course compounded by things like crying and an anxious tone on the phone. She may have done a lot "more" than just seek advice. And since when is 911 used as an advice service?
When I read the post, I thought to myself that he should just leave his wife as this is the kind of betrayal that's up there with infidelity cuz your spouse's trust is not only broken but came with public humiliation. But kids always complicate the situation. To persevere or divorce is a question only your friend can answer. He has to ask himself if he can ever respect and trust his wife again let alone love her. And if he thinks there's hope, then he needs to set boundaries and she'll have to work hard to win his trust again and she'll have to change herself. He'll have to open his heart to acknowledge her efforts if he wants to give this another shot. Sometimes when we have a grudge toward someone, we become closed to any good/change the person makes. That said, if he decides to forgive and remain married, he'll have to work on not letting the past cast a shadow on the present. I also don't think that his decision should be based on which direction the majority of responders lean.
The situation in Canada is tough for guys, my dear friend and assistant (Canadian Girl) had bhabi issues this woman would run into things and bruise herself and call the cops, this couple was forced to go for counselling and the psychologist was saying that many men suffer abuse because law is against them and men are deemed guilty until proven innocent. My previous chairmen got in trouble (Lebanese ) guy because his son fell of the stairs and family service got involved. Those guys have unlimited authority. Also our previous house keepers brother went to jail 2 yrs as was venting with his kids and said inappropriate things, got charged with uttering threats.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
there is more to the story. If the girl is educated and non-psychotic, she won't call the cops just because her husband yelled at her. May be your dear friend became a bit physical and is not telling you?
Hmm, that's possible. But if he won the case in court, I imagine that his lawyer would have required testimonies from both the wife and kids that he is not an abusive husband and father. I doubt he'd win the the case solely based on lack of medical evidence. It's a strange puzzle with missing pieces. Whatever the outcome, whether he remains married or splits, I feel bad for the whole family as they went through a lot and will have to weather some more.
What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
I'm Canadian and I've never heard anyone being coerced into pressing wrong charges regarding domestic disturbances for no reason. Nor have I seen someone been guilty until proven innocent either. I'm not saying your making it up or anything but just seems like there's more here. If what your saying is true, wife seems like a drama queen and this relationship looks really volatile. It was either him or her so she decided to press charges on him anyway? So strange..
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
there is more to the story. If the girl is educated and non-psychotic, she won't call the cops just because her husband yelled at her. May be your dear friend became a bit physical and is not telling you?
The girl is a McGill graduate, says she has anxiety issues and got nervous of his yelling, they go hard after desi guys .
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
I'm Canadian and I've never heard anyone being coerced into pressing wrong charges regarding domestic disturbances for no reason. Nor have I seen someone been guilty until proven innocent either. I'm not saying your making it up or anything but just seems like there's more here. If what your saying is true, wife seems like a drama queen and this relationship looks really volatile. It was either him or her so she decided to press charges on him anyway? So strange..
Compelling Testimony of Victim:If evidence is insufficient to prove a case without the victim’s testimony, the circumstances of the offence will dictate a Crown prosecutor’s actions. The more serious the offence, the more appropriate it will be to take all reasonable steps to compel testimony, including the use of procedures outlined in R. v. K.G.B. and section 9 of the Canada Evidence Act.
compelling may mean many things, they compelled testimony from her. Some officers get over zealous.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
The situation in Canada is tough for guys, my dear friend and assistant (Canadian Girl) had bhabi issues this woman would run into things and bruise herself and call the cops, this couple was forced to go for counselling and the psychologist was saying that many men suffer abuse because law is against them and men are deemed guilty until proven innocent. My previous chairmen got in trouble (Lebanese ) guy because his son fell of the stairs and family service got involved. Those guys have unlimited authority. Also our previous house keepers brother went to jail 2 yrs as was venting with his kids and said inappropriate things, got charged with uttering threats.
Domestic Violence laws along with Family / divorce courts are heavily biased in favor of women. There is no question of that. The whole family counseling scene is also known for seeing things from womens perspective.
As for this question. Not into the marriage thing but if my wife called the cops on me for yelling or a quarrel she could go ____ _______
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
She is a McGill graduate and couldn't fill out a passport applicaiton correctly??? I am not going to question the story. But if honestly that is all that happened...I would tell you find to have a long conversation with his wife. He needs to tell her how he feels about this situation and everything else (wanting them to go on vacation...forcing him.) There is no need for a divorce but if she pulls something like this again...he won't yell but walk away from the her.
I would think if he doesn't say anything to her right now...she would repeat this behavior.
Re: What would you do if your wife got you arrested...
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I have this friend that was going thru some issues with his wife, fairly educated girl but as a lot of girls brought up in Pakistan, does not have a sense of responsibility, and is not very reliable or dependable sort,
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