Ive a question if your married and you’ve a husband
first everything fine he love’s you a lot and everything.
But after 1 or 2 years when he get angry at you and
call bad things to you what would you do?
Would you call bad things back to him or you
say nothing and hear everything what he say to you?
Our would you leave your husband?
Nilu.
define bad...
sometimes in ghussa we say things we dont mean, that doesnt mean we have lost complete respect fr each other, on the contrary i think we have become too comfortable with each other, where we have jus stepped on each others boundaries. i think a dose fo of ill talk to u when u make up for it works well, n make sure u give him a cold shoulder that makes him reaize his mistake m how much he has hurt u with his words...
Try not to say "bad things" back to him. That will probably make the situation worse.
But don't ignore it. You have to tell him that he cannot talk to you that way, that it hurts you. This may be hard, depending on the kind of relationship you have with him.
If it continues, and he is not willing to open up or show you respect, then I would consult someone who knows and cares about you and your family who can help you figure out how to best deal with the situation.
Talk to him. The cold shoulder idea is great, tried, tested and true and what-not. But that won't get results as quickly or as well as just talking to him. Also, he'll think you're demeaning him by not talking to him, meaning he'll feel his pride is hurt, which won't make him come grovelling back but will make him feel more justified in what he did. If not that, then he'll feel angry, when he should be remorseful. Talk to him, if he's even a bit of a reasonable man, I think he'll listen to you. It saddens me that talking wasn't an option on your list Nilu, I've seen enough couples get into arguements over first, something that happened, and then not enough communication about it afterwards. :)
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*Originally posted by RT Wolf: *
Talk to him. The cold shoulder idea is great, tried, tested and true and what-not. But that won't get results as quickly or as well as just talking to him. Also, he'll think you're demeaning him by not talking to him, meaning he'll feel his pride is hurt, which won't make him come grovelling back but will make him feel more justified in what he did. If not that, then he'll feel angry, when he should be remorseful. Talk to him, if he's even a bit of a reasonable man, I think he'll listen to you. It saddens me that talking wasn't an option on your list Nilu, I've seen enough couples get into arguements over first, something that happened, and then not enough communication about it afterwards. :)
[/QUOTE]
I forget to typ that. I know theire are lots of couples that arguements and then talk about it afterwards but i dont talk about arguement.
But about galiyaan in Punjabi
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Nilu: *
I forget to typ that. I know theire are lots of couples that arguements and then talk about it afterwards but i dont talk about arguement.
But about galiyaan in Punjabi
[/QUOTE]
Yeh. He shouldn't be talking to his wife this way. Respect for his wife is respect for his family and himself as well. Let him know how you feel and that he should not continue in this manner. You can't let it become an acceptable pattern of behavior.
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by RT Wolf: *
Talk to him. The cold shoulder idea is great, tried, tested and true and what-not. But that won't get results as quickly or as well as just talking to him. Also, **he'll think you're demeaning him by not talking to him, meaning he'll feel his pride is hurt, **which won't make him come grovelling back but will make him feel more justified in what he did. If not that, then he'll feel angry, when he should be remorseful*. Talk to him, if he's even a bit of a reasonable man, I think he'll listen to you. It saddens me that talking wasn't an option on your list Nilu, I've seen enough couples get into arguements over first, something that happened, and then not enough communication about it afterwards. :)
[/QUOTE]
huh? for a loser he sure does have a big fat ego. Why has the woman to be so careful about not hurting his feelings when he obviously does not give a crap about her emotions( calling her names).
I would make sure he knows I am bloody offended. I can't be the adjusting one and keep smiling even after such an incident. Respect is a two way thing. He can't expect me to respect him when he goes about calling me names.. now way!
Yes, guys have egos. Guys have HUGE egos. However, taking his route and giving affront doesn't sound like anyone's obeying the signs on this two-way street of respect.
There's more than one way to show your feelings have been hurt. I prefer the talking it out method, it may not work in every case, but it sounds a lot better than just leaving him to wonder what to do. During talking it out, he may very well apologize, or make promises that he'll never do it again. While if he's just angry, he may just go ballastic on her, and may never realize his mistake.
Well RT, if he really is decent, he would never call her names in the first place. I mean, getting angry and having an argument is fine. You say things which u don;t mean.. but calling names??? That is just too much..don't ya think? It is nearly as bad as hitting her.
And like I said, respect is a two way thing, u can't respect someone who cearly disrespects you.
I have strong views about this issue, I mean men really need to friggin stop thinking they can get away with such ****. Calling names. hitting her, acting all bad assish and still expecting the reconciliation to be initiated by the wife...
Fine, I'm assuming that he's not a complete animal. What would you have her do? Give him the cold shoulder, and wait around hoping that he'll come crawling back to apologize? He may very well come crawling back. But would that increase his respect of her, to think that she wanted him to come crawling back and to see it happen? He's certainly feel humiliated. That'd be a great homely environment, wouldn't i? If the guy was here, I'd give him a piece of my mind, if he was right here with me, I'd prolly cuss him a few times. However we are dealing with Nilu here, and she's asking what she can do about hte situation. I'd rather she take the mature way and talk it all out with him. If that's impossible, and this guy is completely intractable, then maybe this is a marriage that shouldn't continue. CB, What would you have her do?
If it was the guy instead of Nilu asking, I'd say the same thing.
You are right! Men who calls names would always find it difficult to apologise to their wife. It just isn't in their nature to be FAIR about such things. I was trying to go for the just approach, but seems I am too ahead of the time..
Rt, the man already disrespects her!!! and if he still wud lose respect for her if she expects him to apologise for HIS mistakes then he clearly has a problem.
If I was teh wife, this calling names incident would have scarred me for life.. I mean it is too much for me to handle. I just cudn't have stayed calm about it.
If such a thing ever happens with me, I wud expect him to apologise.. and teh apology better be good! But still I won't be able to get over it for atleast a few months( tht too if he is at his best behaviour all the time)
It's Nilu's choice to pick an approach to take, though. Good luck, Nilu! :)
nilu he shouldnt be givin gaaliyan PERIOD.. i dont care how big a EGO IS OF A GUY.. there is no excuse for givin his wife gaaliyan .. liek RT said, talk to him.. an if that doesnt get thru.. give him the cold shoulder, if u fogrgive him an let it go eassily hes gonna think his gaaliyan are acceptable by u.. dont let him EVER think its okay for him to curse u .. ure his wife, his other half, marriage is based on respect for each other, an d if one partner has lost respect for the other half.. how long can one go on..
ppl do things when theyre angry, but that doesnt mean you have to sink to their level and fight dirty
no marriage can be perfect, theres ups and downs in each and every one, just be patient, i agree with RT Wolf :k: take the patient route, reacting when ure angry is never a good idea, just as Nilu’s husband did, and im sure he’s regretting it alraedy
Hm... when my husband call me names i dont
talk to him. When he say sorry to me then i
talk to him. But he says many time sorry and
when he lose his temper then he start again
say bad things. Sometimes i think how long
will that be go on?
Anywayz thanks Peepz for your advice.
Nilu..
good sign that he apologizes. tell him that if he keeps doing it then it seems like he is not really sorry. he should not treat you this way.
i think nafrut ka jawaab pyaar sey dena would be a good strategy in this case. it will not only make him ashamed of his act, but also makes u more respectful in his eyes .
Nilu, bit (beat) him.
Whatever happened to the plain old back hand.
^
ouch have u ever tried that?? it really hurts! (i mean for the person actually doing the backhand, man what are ppl's faces made of?? concrete?!)