What would you do if She..?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: What would you do if She..?

not really, it was a completely chichora badtameez response and one that I am not particularly proud of, but some peopel do not get the hint, this person had been on my case for several conversations and each time I would just move away from the topic, a prson with common sense would have sensed I was not comfortable and stopped. But the dude is an old college pal and what he lacks in common sense sometimes he more than makes up for it in his sincerity.

I had a similar question by another person and he was just an acquanitance, and I gave him a similar response, actually it was more alng the lines of how drained I am due to my recreational activities with his family and that must have an impact. The thing about this one was that this arse had malicious intent, the question was asked mockingly in a group setting, and my mocking response publically generated a riar of laugter and guys just rolling over and saying dude I cant believe you just said that, the character in question was red with anger, but knew that either verbally or physically he would nto be able to face me whether it was some back and forth taunts or gali galoch.

Its sad that it came to this, but there is a limit, and I frankly do not believe in the philosophy my parents taught me that its best to walk away, yes much of the time it is, but at times you need to stop the jerk and teach them a lesson that would prevent them from ever messing with you again, and think twice before they do it with someone else.

I also recall one friend who was having some problems and was on some medication. during a party at her house, one of the ladies, a doctor, uses the bathroom, first of all i dont see a reason why she had to go use the master bath, secondly she goes thru her medicine cabinet, comes down witrh her prescription and asks her in front of all the guests if they are having problems conceiving because the medciene thatshe found is for such cases..

so yes when you are facing infertility whether primary, econdary, treatable, unexplainable..whatever, there is a lot of stress. Our community does nothing but add to that as well.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

Mr F, I can SO relate to what you're saying! I guess (and I always tried to remind myself) that people have a hard time dealing with this situation, they dont know what to say or how to act so sometimes the most inane things escape their lips. Its a tough thing to say the very least....but going thru something as challenging as this and then coming out of it even stronger in your love for your spouse well, theres nothing to beat that. NOTHING.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

80% of the guppies who are replying to the post either don’t know themselves what they are going to do or they will change their decision.

This is quite unthinkable situation and you can not think ahead for this. Decisions in this kind of situation depend on many parameters and normally real decision can only be made once the situation arises.

So I am not going to reply to the actual answer but going to pray to Allah k wo sub ko aulad kee naimat sai nawazey, aameen!

New at Forum
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Re: What would you do if She..?

It is my hope that this thread causes some heavy thought for those of you not yet married. When you decide on who to marry, will you be confident in their love, even in the face of a situation such as this? You should have at least an inkling of an idea how they would handle it.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

mamaof3

good advice but it will fall on deaf ears to a large extent. if you look up previous threads on the topic of marriage, yes the politically correct, personality and all gets thrown it but the common theme that just never runs out is profession, and physical characteristics. but keep preaching, even if a handful get something out of it, its worth it.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

Some general advice for my sisters and brothers:

Some fertility clinics advice their patients to eat organic food over a period of six months.
For some couple it is normal to have an adjustment period of two years, meaning trying conceive the natural way. Before that, they shouldnt worry
too much about it.
Men can boost the quality of their sperm, by having white tea and zink as supliment.
Every woman should note the day of menses, to determine when she is
ovulating. There are only 3-4 days in an entire month to get conceived.
Couple should rest after being together. Not rush into the showers right away. Keep blanket on, because temp. also plays important factor to conceive.
You can buy test-kids in pharmacy, to determine exact time of ovulation.
Do some pre work:
Light some candles, soft music, light some "agarbati"....soothing type,
sandal or musk scent. Happy thoughts, pull the phoneplug out...no stress.
Use your imagenation:
open your mind and see the entire process of conceiving (imagen inside yourself), it does HELP.
Supply your vitamins with liquid minerals.
Praying to Lord Almighty, the more the merrier. (parents siblings etc.)

And btw, some couple simply dont merge.

Personally, once married, I would stick to my partner.
Then the decision of adoption or finding "donor",
would gradually be dealt with. Life is far from picture perfect.
Our expectations drowns even the best of marriages.
A good partner is worth gold.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

^^ A good partner is worthg gold ... very well said :)
in my case ..it wud inshaallah be as "married for life" wali baat :) kids would be a blessing from ALLAH ( swt)

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Re: What would you do if She..?

My husband and I have actually talked about this. We talked about it a little when we were engaged, but in more depth now that we have been married and may soon be ready to have kids.

His feelings haven't changed. He says that there is no guarrantee that he is supposed to have kids. But he does have me, and that's what's important to him. If kids are meant to be, they will come. If not, then we'll adopt.

We are both baby-fanatics, him especially. He can play for hours with kids. But he says, and I do believe him, that though it would be fun to see what biological child of ours would be like, he would be happy to be a parent to one who was not biologically our own. S/he needs us, and when we're ready we'll find her/him.

I would never leave my husband if he couldn't have kids. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. It's up to God.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

:eek: Are you kidding me?
What did the host do?

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Re: What would you do if She..?

The host did nothing, she was embarassed, and just said no this is for some other condition that I have, and the ladykept on insisting "no, no, this drug is to help women ovulate, it is not given for anything else". I dont fully recall what happened, but I guess someone else just changed the topic to ..hey whats for dessert lets raif the fridge or something of the sort. I mean no one else there wanted to have that painful situation drag on any longer.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

I'd try harder..........

describe awesomeness
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Re: What would you do if She..?

there's a baby in there somwhere..

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Re: What would you do if She..?

Something I always found that works really well for jerks....
mean but effective
Tell them that yes you are trying to conceive and finding a bit of difficulty. Then (more loudly) ask that perhaps they would like to discuss sexual positions and techniques that will result in success.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

If I knew she couldn't have kids I wouldn't marry her....but if I did marry I would'nt divorce her just because she could not have kids, if that makes sense.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

Hey if I was in this situation I would have walked on my chacha's naqsh e qadam and adopt after 15 years of marriage. That child is an apple of the whole family's eyes.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

Adopt.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

Couple of years back me and wife wanted to adopt a child, the only thing which kept me from doing it is I already have two girls and I was afraid I may not be able to treat all three the same.
After all I am only a human, If I had no children then probably not a problem. But if I adopt and donot treat same as my own daughters that is unforgivable. I would never ever be able face myself again.

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Re: What would you do if She..?

This was the same dilemma I faced and could not get myself to adopt when it came to the crunch....It is always good to be honest with yourself. But I thank God always for giving me a second chance miraculously we had another adorable daughter.

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^Who knows may be I will adopt another one.

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Oh yeah, thank God you had another kid and that prevented you from taking in a child that was already in this world and needed a home. Good. Let that kid still stay orphanless. You added one more human to the already overexpanded human population. Keep 'em coming.