Imagine you marry a woman and then decide that you want kids only after a few years. Then, you get shocked that your beloved wife cannot be pregnant as you're so desperate to have kids.. You're so in love with her and this has never crossed your mind before, believe you me it's a BIG shock since we ALL want kids oneday.. This may weaken your love towards her/him and may also bring up many problems and so on..
What would you do? Would you divorce her and marry another one, or keep her and also have another one as you're allowed to have more than just one? Of course you'd try to get her approval..
Or you could try medical methods? Would you have the willingness to do such thing? No?
Now, here where my main point lies, what would you do if you're the one who has the inability of making her pregnant? Would you let her go whether or not she wants to..? Why girls are willing to sacrifice more than men in almost everything and in this matter particularly?
So you too girls, would you ask for a divorce? or would you carry on for the rest of your life? What would you simply do?
umm, the other day, my husband and i were discussing this...and we came to this conclusiont hat event hough we would LOVE to have our kids one day INSHALLAH and that would be really one of the most thrilling experience of ourlives since it will be like the product of our love....but, for some reason, ALLAH forbid, if one of us has the inability to procreate, then it would not be the end of our love and/or life...nor he would re-marry ( i know this man who remarried only to come to know that the problem was with him and not with his first wife and , thus, he could never procreate nomatter how many women he marries)....if we have to, we would adopt a kid and/or just be happy with each other since it's ALLAH TALLAH's will for us not to have children...it must be like a test and we would like to pass through it. and i strongly believe anyway that WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR GOOD....so i think it sums it all!....but yes, i would like to add that i am very very fortunate to have a husband like him MASHALLAH ALLAHUMDULILLAH who thinks this way...because many don't.
but reallyif, ALLAH NA KERE, it happens with me, i would be very vulnerable and ,may be insecure too even not for the lifetime, because it is such a sensitive matter ...and you know how these pakistani aunties are....they would keep mocking you and taunting you and keep asking the same questions again and again just to make you feel to run away and drill yourself into the ground....but you know what i pray for every girl is MAY ALLAH TALLAH GIVE EVERY GIRL A VERY LOVING AND CONSIDERATE SUSRAAL AND HUSBAND AND VICE VERCA ameen.....it is such a relief when your susraal wale are just like your own family, if not better than them....ALLAH ka shukar hai i have got the most loving and considerate and easy to gel with in-laws and husband...
Ms LB, it would be really difficult to realize the fact of infertility without some pretty specific tests which determine the facts. Typical health checkups will not uncover most of the probs - whether male or female. And the tests are typically not performed until conception has failed to occur. It is a huge slap-in-the-face type of diagnosis when you find out you are infertile, whether you are male or female. And once you ARE diagnosed, the road is painful. BOTH parties in the marriage need to be strong enough to endure and it aint fun but it can bring you together like nothing else, acheiving this most special miracle. INshallah you will never face this but you never know you know? It can be anyone. Can be any of many reasons. Can be the gal or the GUY! And I'd like to say to those having trouble to please seek the aid of an endocrinologist....modern medicine is truly a miracle that we are blessed with and has assisted so many (myself included) in overcoming the affliction of infertility. Well worth a try and if it doesnt work, adoption is always available too.
ok once again, id like to emphasize that it wont truly be possible to figure out ahead of time. Ok, you can have some basic hormonal tests done to see whether its "likely" that ovulation is occurring. But that is just such a small part of the process. There can be blockage of the fallopian tubes. There can be insufficient uterine lining for implantation to occur. There can be insufficient progesterone levels AFTER implantation that cause "spontaneous abortion" (miscarriage). In males, there can be sufficient sperm count but too many sperms without tails. There can be enzyme/protein problems that prevent the sperms from being able to penetrate and fertilize the egg.
All of the above only touch on the myriad types of problems that can and do occur to prevent pregnancy and will not be uncovered unless the specific tests are run for that particular problem. None of the above have any true symptoms execpt for lack of pregnancy. So having a basic run of hormone levels prior to marriage would provide a false sense of security I think. Better to hope that all will be well, better to know your spouse well and perhaps even discuss this sad topic prior to marriage, see what he/she is made of and whether the marriage would weather it.
What I said made perfect sense.
Im very sure as children we all go through blood tests and other tests for one reason and another.
Why not become more familiar with your body before jumping into a relationship.
And be honest bout everything from wanting to have kids to not having the ability to have 'em
next time Miss 'Pharmacy student who claims that breastfeeding is a form of contraceptive' use some common sense.
firstly where are motay motay angraizee kay ilfaaz????
secondly ,do u even have the faintest clue what one has to go through for infertilty testing and how much it costs?the routine physicals one gets thruout the life are not enough to diagnose infertilty.a simple blood test can diagnose infertilty in indian films but not in real life.u suggesting that both the man and the woman work this before getting married is a totally hilarious and non practical thing.sometimes both partners are healthy but its the sperm compatibility with the female environment(though it is one of the uncommon cause of not concieving).what will you suggest should be done then?
thirdly,i can go on and on about breast feeding and its contraceptive role,but i dont want to.so u better do some research before you jump out with such great brilliant ideas and try to prove medical facts wrong.
[quote=LegallyBrown]
Mama, like i said, prevention is better than cure.
And we are here talking bout desi society where people are paidaishi jahil.
infertility is not something that can be prevented ,if you think that a prevention is better than cure.
and it is also not only in our desi society where assumably are all jaahil.such issues do take a toll on couples all over the world,and the part of the world where you live--------the non desi society with all paidaishi geniuses.
Whats is being discussed here is not whether to prevent infertility but the whole secenario of being dumped if one is unable to have kids.
The dumping part can be prevented if before hand one is aware of the fact that they cannot have children and let their partner know of the fact in the beginning of the relationship.
Even have a prenup signed based on that fact.
Anything but the humiliation of being divorced just cause of unable to have children.
Mama, you are talking bout complex cases.
Im talking simple stuff.
Im talking bout desi girls married off to jerks who divorce them just cause they cannot have kids.
These girls then sit home all their lives because
a. they are divorced
b. they cannot have kids
c. society is cruel.
Say if the chick knew of the fact beforehand, she'd not marry that jerk.
And live her life in accordance to her situation.
coming back to GS after a loong time and as a married person. i feel like topics in this forum are MOST interesting and reli enlightening.
I won't leave my wife if God Forbid she has some problems but on the other hand I do feel like if its me who cannot make it possible.. i will always giver her a choice..
to be with me or leave me...
The thing here is that 60 percent of infertile couples cannot conceive due to issues with the male...something to think about. In Desi society also, there seems to be a tendency to blame the gal when conception doesnt occur and there are not enough infertility specialists around. Even when the couple has the ability to seek this specialized help, the guy may not want to go thru with the (rather humiliating) testing process and just continue to blame the gal.
I think my whole point was missed here. You will not know FOR SURE prior to trying. So it seems the best thing to do is to know your partner well enough that you will trust and accept when/if (god forbid) you are ever faced with this challenge, what you and your partner would do.
Nothing life is for certain. BEfore marraige you can take all the fertility tests and show your ok. What if something goes wrong after marraige for whatever reason? What if its just not in your kismet and Allah's will? You can't foresee everything. And if you remarry what if the other wife is infertile, there is no way that you can guarantee everything. I think the couple should stay together and seek infertility treatment. If all else fails, adoptin is a very viable option, if you do it with an open heart and mind. I know someone who has adopted after trying for several years. They love her just like someone would love their own blood, you build your own relationships.
I have to add something here, there are things such a secondary infertility or unexplainable infertility. No test in the world can tell you you will run into this, unless they have done some sort of new genetic testing that predicts that someone can have kids lose them and then can not have kids again. That is the excat situation we were in, no one could have predicted it period.
we adopted, and are very happy. love did not fall apart, it only increased.
oh yes if u want to have kids and are having issues or complications it is very tough to see others, I mean u are happy for them but it reminds you of something missing in your life. a
additional aspect that ppl dont realize is the taunts and questions ppl ask without considering it for a minute that if someone doe snot have kids that either they dont want to or they are having problems, and you asking them or forcing the issue is not something decent to do. One of my friends one time asked me whether my part was working okay. I had to tell him that the fact he had younger brothers and nieces nephews indicated that indeed it was working okay. he got pretty offended at that but what the hell. u ask an idiotic question, you get an idiotic answer.
we know of one more couple, ppl are in their 50’s married, cant have kids, did not leave each other or anything, although they could only bring themselves to agree on adoption after we adopted.
There are many ppl out there who would walk away on small issues, and there are ppl who would stick together even in face of big tragedies or challenges.
I say, the love would fall apart between any couple once kids could not be brought to life, unless something beyond love and reach is in there.. I bet many would disagree with me, so show me everything.. It's tremendously difficult to see your friends, relatives and strangers having kids and playing around with kids..
What would you do if She cannot give you what you really want, what anybody wants the most, kids?
Natalia,
THis is all God's will, whether you do or do not have kids. Next best option is adopt a baby. Think about, let's say the guy leaves the girl to find another lady to have a baby with. What if again that other lady is unable to have the baby? Then what? How far will you go for the baby, if it is not in your kismet. I think its best for couple to stay together and support each other. Try out any medical option available....and if not just have patience, as Allah knows best.