I was somewhere else and this matter came up; it’s a serious matter so I thought I should share it with you NICE people. Have you ever thought of this? Do you know any has come around this and got off it with a solution? How hard would you feel?
It’s the inability of being pregnant!
Imagine you marry a woman and then decide that you want kids only after a few years. Then, you get shocked that your beloved wife cannot be pregnant as you’re so desperate to have kids.. You’re so in love with her and this has never crossed your mind before, believe you me it’s a BIG shock since we ALL want kids oneday.. This may weaken your love towards her/him and may also bring up many problems and so on..
What would you do? Would you divorce her and marry another one, or keep her and also have another one as you’re allowed to have more than just one? Of course you’d try to get her approval..
Or you could try medical methods? Would you have the willingness to do such thing? No?
Now, here where my main point lies, what would you do if you’re the one who has the inability of making her pregnant? Would you let her go whether or not she wants to..? Why girls are willing to sacrifice more than men in almost everything and in this matter particularly?
So you too girls, would you ask for a divorce? or would you carry on for the rest of your life? What would you simply do?
That's a huge generalization. There are many couples who CHOOSE not to have kids for whatever reason. One of my khala's has been married for over 25 years(currently in her late 40's) and does not have any children by choice. She and her husband are both workaholics...LOVE their jobs and also LOVE to travel. Neither one of them are the "parenting" type.
*Personally, I'm a 24(soon to be 25) year old female who has no desire to have children. Whenever I get married, IF I ever have children, it will be b/c my husband insisted on it. If I ever found out that either I or my husband is unable to have biological children, its not a big deal to me. Now, if in the future I ever have the desire to have children and if this situation came up, I'd have no problem adopting children. *
I've never understood the mentality of people who feel they MUST have biological children in order to be happy/fulfilled...or whatever their reason is.
Natalia: You bring up a good point. In my case i would let her decide which way she wants to go. After all, its not all my decision. If the thought of not having kids has shocked me, well it must have had much much greater impact on her. I would rather be her true "partner" in time like this ... rather than think about leaving her or doing something against her will.
lost: You are right we should not generalize everyone. Its *MOST *of the people who want to have kids.
I would stay with her...I mean it's not her fault...I wouldn't have a problem unless she knew about it and didn't inform me...other than that Allah swt ki marzi.
The idea of leaving her wouldn’t even cross my mind. InshAllah, I plan on getting married only once and by my choice; I wouldn’t marry her so she could have my kids but because I’d love her and want to grow old with her. Khuda na Khasta if we can’t have children then I’d just take it as Allah (swt) didn’t want me to have any because after all bachay Khuda kee dain hoti hai.
In my opinion this decision is just as important as the one on which any girl needs to make her mind up with her future husband.. It goes the same with men too.
I say, the love would fall apart between any couple once kids could not be brought to life, unless something beyond love and reach is in there.. I bet many would disagree with me, so show me everything.. It's tremendously difficult to see your friends, relatives and strangers having kids and playing around with kids..
What would you do if She cannot give you what you really want, what anybody wants the most, kids?
I say, the love would fall apart between any couple once kids could not be brought to life, unless something beyond love and reach is in there.. I bet many would disagree with me, so show me everything.. It's tremendously difficult to see your friends, relatives and strangers having kids and playing around with kids..
What would you do if She cannot give you what you really want, what anybody wants the most, kids?
and if this problem is in men not women then what the man should do
To me, thats really selfish if you leave her cos shes medically unable to get pregnant. I would never even think about it and accept it as my fate if she was unable to concieve. Same way, if God forbid, I was unable to father a child, I would expect the same from her.
I would adopt.
Someone who divorces for that reason is selfish and cruel to the other person in my opinion. Might be a fair enough reason for others... not me.
LB, many times, this cannot be known until its tried and failed. I went thru this and also worked for a prominent infertility specialist so I've seen and know more than I really want to on this matter. The big thing here is that it can bring two people more together than anything else or it can tear them apart more than anything else...its up to the people involved as to how things go. Modern medicine can assist many, many infertile couples and if it still doesnt happen, there is adoption. The outcome like I said, is all up to the couple involved.
man who leave their wifes cuz they can,t have a child deserve to be beaten …these kind of man disgust me .there is more in a marriage then just kids.:o ..
Im married for 8 yrs now and dont have kids yet,
it isnt that i dont want them i really want to have child (rens)
but i think its God will when he will give me that gift.
If my husband would leave me becoz i cant conceive i know
i would be crazy and same thing if he would marry another women.
And if it was the oppesite way i would'nt leave my Hubz coz its
not his fault like if a women cant conceive that isnt her fault.
Maybe i would adopt a child dont know i still try to have a baby
by my self.
…these kind of man disgust me .there is more in a marriage then just kids.:o ..