Ferhana: I think you are right saying it is men who make the rules but I think the Islamists would not agree with you.
Dilwale: I think you are right in pointing out that our problem is rigid tradition, and that true Islam is forgiving.
Mudassar:
The only thing that was stopping her from getting married was that she realised the guy was not allright. She would have been married to a nutcase.... positive for her future or her child's? I don't think so. She made another choice and time has proven her right. She was able to find a loving partner, a human being who helped her reconstruct her life and is a loving father to her children. Is she grateful for her second chance? Is she devoted to her husband? Does she realise she made a mistake? Yes, yes, yes! Would Islamic "reform" have allowed her achieve the same usefulness and happiness? Would it have increased her faith in God? No, a thousand times, NO.
BTW, does her getting pregnant prove she is a prostitute? Too bad the equivalent term doesn't exist for men who have sex with women they are not married to. Men don't get pregnant so they can and do get away with a lot. And the "immoral" women get condemned. Not so the "immoral" men, most of the time. That has gone on since there were human beings.... Islamic society or not. As Stud says, Saudi Arabia or Pakistan, there are prostitutes in each one of these "Islamic" societies. And sometimes they are known by other names, but they are always there.
Thanks to the fact that my friend was not condemned, and despite the fact that her family could not be counted upon to help her, she not only survived, but recovered with her dignity intact, able to live a useful and happy life.
The behaviour we tend to think of as "Islamic" today involves victimisation, moralism and punishment. That means than once you have commited an error you will never be able to live with your head high. Forgiveness simply does not exist. And yet as human beings we all make mistakes. Sometimes they are really bad ones, that harm others. But because we are so afraid of being discovered or admitting we are human, of coming out and being honest about then (after all, the penalties are too harsh) we hide and cover them up with lies and hypocrisy.
I have heard that the death penalty is useful because it works as a deterrent, so the prisons will not be so full. Then what about another, more human alternative that involves rehabilitating these people?
Many highly "moral" muslims I know have indulged in immoral acts previously, but because their upbringing makes them feel so guilty about it they start preaching about the right way to live to others. That is why, on another thread I suggested self-improvement as a goal for the month of Ramadan. ADMIT IT, we ALL make mistakes. ADMIT IT, we find it hard to admit it and even harder to forgive ourselves and others.... exaggerated moralism is the result.
I also wonder if there has EVER been an Islamic utopia on earth. The very simple fact that these laws were made and these punishments carried out means that these problems have ALWAYS existed. These problems have never gone away. Someone said in another post that the prophet himself ordered or carried out these punishments. (And Islam itself says they should be the last resort as far as my understanding goes - not borne out in modern practise of Islamic law) They haven't worked. Let's try another way.
Stud: Forcing her to marry the man, as I have just said would be a case of compounding the damage! And providing for the child is not enough. The mother herself was the victim of a broken family. A child needs love and a family able to look after it first!
Jez you are right, pregnancies occur out of wedlock even in Pakistan, etc. but no-one will tell you about that or the number of illegal abortions or children who are abandoned. But if you know anyone who works with women and children they will. Just look at the work the Edhi trust is doing picking up abandoned children..... where are they coming from?
BTW, I live in Europe not USA where I think people are even less judgmental about others' personal affairs.
[This message has been edited by Shirin (edited December 25, 1998).]