Re: what would a good husband do in these situations…
a) Don’t beat yourself over being this way. Yes, it doesn’t serve any purpose and doesn’t work for either one of you, but it is ok. You are being a little annoying (for sure) but you’re not going out hurting someone intentionally. Accept that this is how you feel and this is how you are. Accept yourself for being this way.
b) Once you have made peace with it and you’re not beating yourself over it, ask yourself this question “What do I gain from acting this way [if you have a term that you use for being this way, use that]?” And then be curious for the answer, again don’t beat yourself over for it. You will have an answer for yourself.
c) After you have an answer, ask yourself this “What can I do to make this better for myself?” Again, you’ll get an answer.
d) Try to follow through with that. You might wanna let your husband know and get his support in doing that. BUT
e) Ask him to not be super nice to you when you act this way. Ask him to hold you accountable and don’t treat you (in essence) like a little girl who can’t handle these difficult feelings. That will be difficult for you, but honestly, when you have to deal with them on your own (which you CAN), you’ll hate yourself and him (and possibly me), but that is the only thing that will PUSH you to do the right thing.
The best thing a husband can do for his wife in this situation is to toughen up. It would be easiest if you decide to do it before he toughens up, but him being super understanding is not helping; neither you nor him.
Good luck! You can do it.