What will you do ...

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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Re: What will you do ...

The job of a parent is to support, love and teach their children. INshallah, the values that we teach to our boys will follow them and they would not find themselves in a situation like this. BUT if it did happen, I would be supportive of them and do my best to help them work things out in the best way possible...

thats the job of being a parent.

I do not and never will understand people who throw their children out, "disown" them or in any way make their lives miserable due to mistakes made. Sure, there needs to be consequences at times...but cut them off? Throw them out? Never. That would make the parent more of a failure than the child. More of a sinner than the child. You can drop a friend, you can divorce a husband or wife. But your child is your child forever and thats not a job that you can just quit.

The response above about taking the kid out of college...how does that help in any way? Wouldnt it be better to leave the kid in college, make demands that the kid go to class and then back to dorm to study, to make good grades and enforce this in some way? How does taking the kid out of college and shutting them in a room help? The kid will become angry and resentful and probably misbehave even more once they are let out of jail yeah?

As far as I'm concerned, if MY kids get into trouble, I am at least in a small part responsible for that. And it is my duty to myself, my kids and God to help them thru it.

Timepass - November 2012
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Re: What will you do ...

I just re-read my response and realized that I wasnt really too specific and didnt answer the question specifically so here goes...
I dont have daughters so have to answer about if my son came home with a pregnant gal. We would sincerely and openly discuss what they want to do. I would never force or push abortion on anyone. If they wanted to marry, I would support that. If they did not want to marry, I would make sure that my son had a part in the care and upbringing of his child. I would make sure that my son continue studies, get a degree and a good job so that he can contribute to the financial well-being of his child and the child's mother - whether they marry or not. I would do whatever it takes to make sure that they have every opportunity to become good providers for their child.

Would I be happy about it? No, thats not in any way what I foresee for any of my boys and not in any way how I would like to see them start out in the adult world. But if it happens, I want to make sure that they still have a good life and are able to raise their kids in the best way possible.

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I agree to this part only.

We havet to teach them as early as possbile. If we will teach them what our rules are and what they are allowed to do and what not. What our religion told us to do and what not to do.

Keep telling them after a while. Let them see what happens after as many talk shows on tv shows that when young girls get pregnant.

After my teaching and telling all stuffs I believe that if I never done that and my spouse didn't do that then my child wouldn't do that Insha Allah. I have this believe.

Agar kisi larki nain apnay parents ko yay azab dia ho ga pregnant honay ka shadi say pehlay to her daughter might do that to as she will get the gene from her mom ya agar uskay walid nain kisi ko rape kia ho ga khuwah mutual understanding say ya zabardasti to uska gene uskay buchchay main aya ho ga aur Allah ussay uski saza uski aulaad ki soorat main day sakta hai. Thi is only my believe.

Isi liaay parents khud apni pasand ki larki latay hain batay kay liaay kay achchi aur naik dhoontay hain takay wo buchchon ki achchi tarbiaat karay aur wo kisi tarha kay gunah say baaz rahay ya maan say koi burai na seekhay.

Jo larkiaan khud is type ki hon gi to wo aulad bhi aisay hi palain gi agar achcha bhi palna chahay gi to uskay buray gene ka bhi asar aa sakta hai uski aulad pay.

What I would do kay sub kuch batanay pay bhi agar aisa huwa to first I will beat to close to death. or may be first ask if someone raped you without your intension if it would be a rape then I might be patient. Otherwise I'll beat close to death if I will find that she did it with her will.

I'll kick her out. The kind I can't tolerate and can't keep with me. Yeah I'm like that. lol

Prostitutes does that and I can't accept a prostitute in my home. I can't coperate to give a b--------d to the society. A b---------d could only do b------d things in society. The place for prostitutes and b--------d is street to live.

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This is a false believe. Getting pregnant before marriage is not a thing to be in genes, it depends on the tarbiyat and mahol you live.

In today's society, after all the tarbiyat, it's still possible for the children to have sexual relationships before marriage, especially in Western countries because it's very common here.

I'm very up set to see you using B word for a child who has no mistake in all this process.

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Re: What will you do ...

Having sex before marriage is due to a bad gene? that is the lamest thing i have ever heard.

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Re: What will you do ...

That is not lame thing.

Yes it sure comes in gene + tarbiaat + mahol.

I agree with you hareem. Sorry if I upset you. It's a truth. PPl call them.

Sare have you read science?

Gene define all the characteristics of a person.

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Re: What will you do ...

Jaisay aik cigrette nosh kay bachchay main cigrette nosh honay ka ziada chance hai. Wo ziada mail ho ga cigrette noshi ki taraf.

Aik chor kay bucchay main ziada chori ka rujhhan ho ga.

Isi tarha aik F person ki aulad main F honay ka ziada chance hai.

F and B person hi maashray main F buntay hain aur unki auladon main hi ziada chance hota hai F ya B honay ka.

Shaaz o nadir hi aisa hota hai kay sharif ka bachcha shaitan aur shaitan ka bachcha shareef ho.

Sara ask some scientist. They will tell you.

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cigrette nosh ka bacha kay cigrette nosh honay kay chances genes ki wajah say nahi balkay pregnant maan kay cigrette peenay say bachay kay jism main uss ka nasha dakhil honay say ya phir cigrette noshi wali fiza main rehnay say hotay hain.

Do you think people who become gays and lesbian because it's in their gene??

Do you think Allah has made their genes this way??

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Yes I agree to 1st paragraph.

Yes it might be.

Last line I didn't understand. Are you relating to the gay and lesbian?

If last line is related to gay and lesbian then no Allah didn't made gene like that that is their own choice.

If gene has came from the family who are like those then there are most chances of that.

Parents genes define characteristics of children. Even family gene define many things.

As docotors take history. Do you know why doctor take history? Is liaay kay agar khandaan main kabhi kisi ko huwa to most likely chance is you could get that bemari. They don't do that because the I believe in they do that scientifically it's found.

Jaisay qud chotay ka buchcha qud chota hi hoga. Lumbay ka buchch lumba hi ho ga. Haan aik aadh lumbay ka buchch chota nikal sakta hai jub ya wife chotay qud ki ho ya family main kaheen kabhi ko chotay qud ko ho chahay nanhiaal main ya dadhiaal main.

Isi tarha cancer kar marz agar kisi khandan main hota hai to agay logon main bhi anay ki wajah hoti hai kioon? gene ki wajah say.

Gene define characteristic too.

Aaik to logon ko science bhi parhana parta. Go find out over the internet or anyone who has even got Intermediate degree at least in science.

Aap batao aap ka khandan poora ka poora bohat namazi parhaizgaar naik hai to kia aap ka buchcha chor dakoo, ghunda badmaash aur loafer nikal sakta hai naheen. Kioon? Chances are very low as gene + mahol + training everything will have effect on him. Agar niklay ga bhi to us soorat man jub aap kay ya aap kay husband kay khandaan main kabhi koi aisa ho ga to. Kioon. Gene ki wajah say.

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Re: What will you do ...

Hareem sister agar kisi khandan main saray chichoray aur buray qism kay hon gay to ziada chance hainkay wohi nature kay bachchay bhi hon gay.

Aik tajarba karwa gia tha hamain Biology practical main gene kay ooper. us main chund coins diaay gaay thay wo hamain aik saath uchaal kar phir count karna tha kay kitnay sikkay aik side kay hotay hain kitnay alag. Wo practicle gene say related characteristics say mutalliq tha.

Us main yayhi aya kay ziadatar characteristic jo parents main atay hain aur kabhi kabhar ancesters kay bha aatay hain.

I read gene very deeply so I know and I can't explain to you when you don't understand even a very small thing. Now I don't remember all.

Ask a doctor they will tell you or go research over the internet you will find what I'm saying.

At least go find criminals record you will find criminasl childrent become criminals why? Because of gene + Mahol + tarbiat.

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Re: What will you do ...

Gene play very important role in a person. His appearnce, character and everything.

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Re: What will you do ...

Yes, genes really make a person what he or she is...but I dont think genes can cause premarital sex yeah? I mean, genes can be responsible for a very high libido which could lead to premarital sex so in that way...perhaps. But matters of choice (ie., whether to "do it" before marriage) are matters of mind, ethics, morals.

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:2guns:

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Exactly.

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Re: What will you do ...

[QUOTE]
and another thing.. extremely disturbing..but if a guy came home with that news, most likely his parents would make him forget about the girl. They could say that any guy could've fathered the child. in this type of situation, all PC-ness is thrown out the window
[/QUOTE]

I would be seriously shocked and horrified and in ALL honesty, it would not make the slightest difference to me whether it was my son or daughter

Hussn Walay
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Re: What will you do ...

I think this is one of those cross-cultural myths....never in all my gori-life have I heard of a parent making a boy "forget" about a gal he got pregnant. Well, no thats wrong...of course there are legends and tales yadayada...but no one that I know ... even remotely...would ever even consider such a lowly act.

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sure but it doesn't mean that pious parents can't have evil kids.

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Exactly, but unfortunately in desi culture boys are not considered as the keeper of family honor as compared to a girl. We desi ppl have this saying that a girl's honour is very fargile like a glass bangle. Thats is why girls have more restrictions in terms of going out and stuff. This double standerd is truly pathetic.

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Gene determins our looks ,to some extent our behavioural characteristics and potential of getting diseases which runs in the family. Since premarital sex comes under none of these things...genes have nothing to do with it.

Ajnabi
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One of my Mum's friends from work + her husband are bringing up their grandson who had a Bengali dad and English mum (their daughter), when boy got the girl pregnant and his parents found out they arranged his marriage with a girl from 'back home' and she never saw him after that. The girl later got Cancer and died so the poor kid will now never know either of his parents and any of his Desi family. His English family love him to bits and they take turns taking him on holiday, trying to give him as normal a life as possible and as he's only a toddler he's fine at the moment but am sure when he'd older he'll be heartbroken that his dad and that side of the family seemingly couldn't care less about him.

Also, one of my friends was telling me today that his female friend was thrown out when she recently got pregnant. Her ex-boyfriend is also Pakistani and as well as already having one kid by his ex-wife also has TWO other girls currently pregnant as well! It's like something out of Jerry Springer. She didn't find out about the others till after she got pregnant and was beaten up by her brother (who enjoys sleeping around himself) before being thrown out. The boys name is Osman and he lives in Ilford in Essex so if anyone comes across this lowlife give him a piece of ur mind and if ur a girl - STAY AWAY! God knows how many other girls he has on the go. People like this make me soooooo angry and also really wish these girls would gain some self-respect, time and time again I hear that this or that girl has been used by some idiot and they still go back for more cos they 'love' him. Also, the practice of many desi families treating their sons like princes seems to lead them to think that they can behave whatever way they like cos they will always get away with it. All those parents that let their sons stay out till all hours while making their daughters stay at home, what is it teaching the boys?