Re: What will you do ...
I'd make her get an abortion.
I'd make her get an abortion.
Sometimes its not our choice if girl doesn't want it or imagine if its too late to have an abortion, then what?
Re: What will you do ...
I thought about it and I would do what Sara said.
Re: What will you do ...
Islamically - isn't it true that you cannot marry the person that you did zinna with? So what is the girl suppose to do?
Re: What will you do ...
Not ever thinking about is probably the worst thing we can do because if God forbid anything like this does happen, we will be unprepared to handle it and react with impulses and not with reason.
As my daughter gets into teen years, I intend to sit down with her and be very direct about her actions and consequences. Especially, drinking, drugs and sex. I will make absolutely clear as to why they are unacceptable and what will be the end result of such actions if she chooses to do any of them. I might let her pick the punishment she thinks she deserves.
For example, currently I am thinking that if I find out that she is smoking anything, even cigarettes, she will have an automatic month long strict curfew and her allowance will disappear until she can win back her trust, which might take weeks, months, maybe year. A written apology with reasons for her misconduct and assurances that she will not do it again. If she gets caught drinking, at the first offense is an automatic four month curfew, disappearance of her 4 month allowance. At her second offence, another 6 months and she gets to do something she doesn't like, maybe clean every bathroom in the house every weekend for a few months.
Now if I find out about sex, her college fund goes away, even if she has been accepted to Harvard. She is grounded until she finishes high school and then she needs to pack her bag and live on her own any way she wants. I wouldn't cut her off completely, she will be welcome at family get together but she needs to live with the consequences of her life choices. She can't win her trust or place back in the house. If she is pregnant, she is welcome to stay until the baby is born. After that she can choose to give the baby to us and we will raise the kid and she can take a hike. Or take the baby with her. She can't stay. So basically, the punishment is expulsion from the house but not completely out of our lives.
I will absolutely treat my son, if I ever had one, the same. Actually probably worse.
Re: What will you do ...
Since this is a make believe question, what country are we in? Response will be very different if a person was in US, UK, Pakistan, Saudi, Dubai or Japan. People not only have to make decision with their family in mind, but also the rule of the land. Imagine trying to get a birth certificate in Pakistan in this situation.
Now if I find out about sex, her college fund goes away, even if she has been accepted to Harvard. She is grounded until she finishes high school and then she needs to pack her bag and live on her own any way she wants.
Live on her own and do what? Can she become a porn star? Would it be ok if she became the top porn star, and every 20 something knew and referred to her as the Hot Pakistani porn star?
You would obviously be OK with it, since you kicked her out and she is on her own.
Not being a perv here, but you obviously haven't thought this out. Once a person knows that something bad will happen to them due to their actions, they will do everything and anything to conceal it.
Re: What will you do ...
TeenDabbyWala,
I was talking about US but others can apply wherever they are.
And not all girls who get to live on their own become porn starts. Desis do tend to think that, which shows the culture we come from. Half my freshman class in college were living on their own since high school, which meant taking loans to pay for college, working weekends to pay the rent. I am sure there were many who decided to just get a low paying job after high school and never go to college. And teens don't have sex with inspirations to be part of the sex industry. Often they scum to peer pressure, temptation and rebellion.
Once a person knows that something bad will happen to them due to their actions, they will do everything and anything to conceal it. <<<
Sure. This is perfect human nature. But that does not mean we should not have any rules or punishment. If a person or kids are not communicated the consequences, they tend to assume what they can get away with, pleading they didn't know it was something wrong. Adults do the same, weather it is drunk driving, drug possession or tax evasion. And therefore, it's important for parents to communicate what will be the consequences and set an example to make sure the kids understand that they are serious.
My daughter is five, she has rules like, she doesn't finish her dinner, she doesn't get to eat dessert. I don't break down when she cries that she doesn't like the dinner or manipulates with hugs and kisses. Because I know if I break down now, she will think I am not serious when I set any rules.
TeenDabbyWala,
I was talking about US but others can apply wherever they are.
And not all girls who get to live on their own become porn starts. Desis do tend to think that, which shows the culture we come from. Half my freshman class in college were living on their own since high school, which meant taking loans to pay for college, working weekends to pay the rent. I am sure there were many who decided to just get a low paying job after high school and never go to college. And teens don't have sex with inspirations to be part of the sex industry. Often they scum to peer pressure, temptation and rebellion.
Once a person knows that something bad will happen to them due to their actions, they will do everything and anything to conceal it. <<<
Sure. This is perfect human nature. But that does not mean we should not have any rules or punishment. If a person or kids are not communicated the consequences, they tend to assume what they can get away with, pleading they didn't know it was something wrong. Adults do the same, weather it is drunk driving, drug possession or tax evasion. And therefore, it's important for parents to communicate what will be the consequences and set an example to make sure the kids understand that they are serious.
My daughter is five, she has rules like, she doesn't finish her dinner, she doesn't get to eat dessert. I don't break down when she cries that she doesn't like the dinner or manipulates with hugs and kisses. Because I know if I break down now, she will think I am not serious when I set any rules.
That wasn't my point. I am not implying that every woman living on her own becomes a porn star. My point was that since you wont care about your daughter after kicking her out, she can do whatever she wants to do. What if she decides to become part of the porn industry. She saw the money, and decided that since her parents don't even care anymore, why not. Would that be ok?
i will faint and probably curse myself for being a bad mama whos teachings and values were not enough and be very angry:mad3:
either i will ask her to abort or get married (if they are serious).
I hope this never happens, mein mar jaoon gi 
That wasn't my point. I am not implying that every woman living on her own becomes a porn star. My point was that since you wont care about your daughter after kicking her out, she can do whatever she wants to do. What if she decides to become part of the porn industry. She saw the money, and decided that since her parents don't even care anymore, why not. Would that be ok?
No. It will not be ok. In that case she will definitely cut off all contacts with us. But I will not change my punishment for the fear of what she might do once I kick her out of the house. Because I had already communicated to her my expectations and the punishment.
But the real question here is, what would you do if your son or daughter comes home pregnant?
No. It will not be ok. In that case she will definitely cut off all contacts with us. But I will not change my punishment for the fear of what she might do once I kick her out of the house. Because I had already communicated to her my expectations and the punishment.
But the real question here is, what would you do if your son or daughter comes home pregnant?
You gave the answer AJ now what more you want.Thats what I was thinking if they are old enough to get pregnant then they can take responsibility themselves, not that we are cutting them off 100 % but we will stop supporting them financially.
This is scary scenerio May ALLAH help us all parents and make our children pious ameen.
No. It will not be ok. In that case she will definitely cut off all contacts with us. But I will not change my punishment for the fear of what she might do once I kick her out of the house. Because I had already communicated to her my expectations and the punishment.
But the real question here is, what would you do if your son or daughter comes home pregnant?
And the real answer to the question is that making decisions about things when they haven't even happened is not a good idea. If your son or daughter has decided to tell you, then that means they have this much trust in you. One can only expect for a level head at that time to make the best decision given the conditions. They could have run away from home, went to abortion clinic, or some other way to avoid you if they didn't feel you could help them.
Re: What will you do ...
I totally disagree that it is a bad idea. But if you think it, you have every right to.
I give you a more prevalent example to why I think it is a good idea to make decisions. I believe that a person who prepares himself and makes decisions now (reduces his debt, reviews his budget etc) on how he will respond to if he lost his job in current conditions will be much better off than the one who puts his head and the sand and say we will see when time will come.
This is not to say that an unprepared person will always make the wrong decisions or that one can prepare for everything, but it is about do I want to lead life being proactive or reactive.
If she is a teenager then my advise would be to abort the fetus. But if she is out of school and have carrier than I will totally support her in her decisions. I think it is more difficult to deal with when your boy knocks someone up. As a parent you want to support and protect your kid but at the same time you have to think about the girl and her parents too.
BTW what would you do to the guy who knockedup your daughter?
I totally disagree that it is a bad idea. But if you think it, you have every right to.
I give you a more prevalent example to why I think it is a good idea to make decisions. I believe that a person who prepares himself and makes decisions now (reduces his debt, reviews his budget etc) on how he will respond to if he lost his job in current conditions will be much better off than the one who puts his head and the sand and say we will see when time will come.
This is not to say that an unprepared person will always make the wrong decisions or that one can prepare for everything, but it is about do I want to lead life being proactive or reactive.
So you are preparing yourself for the worst case scenrio.
Re: What will you do ...
You can say that but by preparing I mean I am planning that I have those difficult conversations with my daughter in advance, where I tell her specifically what my values are, where I stand and what will be the consequences if she breaks my trust. It's a way to make sure we are on the same wave length and there are no assumptions.
Weather or not I will follow through with my threats, it depends on a lot of things but I need to make sure that she (or any other future children) thinks I am dead serious about it.
Sometimes its not our choice if girl doesn't want it or imagine if its too late to have an abortion, then what?
At what stage is it too late to get an abortion? around 4 months? If by then I dont know that something is up and she's pregnant, than that's a really bad oversight on my part.
If she doesn't want to--well too bad. saari ayaashi kar li now live with the consequences...
haha when i was 13 i asked my mom what would happen if a girl got pregnant? and she was ready to kill me right then and there.. :D
At what stage is it too late to get an abortion? around 4 months? If by then I dont know that something is up and she's pregnant, than that's a really bad oversight on my part.
If she doesn't want to--well too bad. saari ayaashi kar li now live with the consequences...
haha when i was 13 i asked my mom what would happen if a girl got pregnant? and she was ready to kill me right then and there.. :D
all she needed then was some moral support and cheering up.
Re: What will you do …
