What do you say to an elder who has not seen you in twenty years and says,
"You’ve
Do you explain that people age and they can’t look like they did when they were teenagers? Meanwhile, this elder looks pretty awful-average looking, dark circles under their eyes and a good extra 40 pounds.
Are we supposed to just keep quiet?
Do men and women equally hear these kinds of comments?
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
To be Honest, I do NOt believe in the whole "you're older so you can say whatever you want and I Can't say anything" If someone is being rude and mean for no reason. I will ignore once or twice and if they still keep saying what I perceive as rude I will say something back. Though, the comments you've mentioned I wouldnt put them in the "rude category" we all hear these types of comments from our mother, mother in law, sister and so. But then again, what you perceive as rude, I might not. We're all different.
I don't mind comments from family-at least they aren't being mean about it. But very extended family-is this acceptable? I'm just trying to understand how it is in that person's mind.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
I wouldn't mind if such comments come from my family.other than that,if any elders point out such a thing,then i would hear it without saying anything specific,but,if they keep saying it again and again,then,with my facial expressions,i would try to show them that iam not liking it...
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
You have a choice.
Generally, ppl feel that if this is the only time htey will see that elder, or anyone of that type for tat matter, they would let the comment slide, simply b/c they don't see them too often and you want the person to leave with a good image of you regardless of what they say.
Also sometimes people say the wrong things but have good intentions towards you.
But if you'll be meeting this person constantly for a long period of time, then perhaps it would be a good idea to stand up and say something.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
Shining Star:
Yes, but why would someone repeat something rude or hurtful about your looks? and what do they expect-for you to agree with them? I'm trying to understand what the conventions are here.
I have relatives who would laugh and say, "Yes, I've lost some hair!" or "I have put on a few pounds!", but as someone else pointed out, it's hard to joke when a stranger who is at a family function is being rude.
Also, comments on skin tone would not be as funny.
Shining Star:
Yes, but why would someone repeat something rude or hurtful about your looks? and what do they expect-for you to agree with them? I'm trying to understand what the conventions are here.
I have relatives who would laugh and say, "Yes, I've lost some hair!" or "I have put on a few pounds!", but as someone else pointed out, it's hard to joke when a stranger who is at a family function is being rude.
Also, comments on skin tone would not be as funny.
yes,but i have seen some elders who go on repeating such comments over and over again..
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
Sara, I normally ignore, but this event was a sad one, and this time it was a bit difficult to take.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
SStar,
That seems like they might not be all there in the head?
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
Anyhow, not trying to beat this dead horse deader. Thanks for your feedback!
Sara, I normally ignore, but this event was a sad one, and this time it was a bit difficult to take.
Hmm then only you know best when is a good time to stand up and when is a good time to let it slide....
What do you say to an elder who has not seen you in twenty years and says,
"You've
Do you explain that people age and they can't look like they did when they were teenagers? Meanwhile, this elder looks pretty awful-average looking, dark circles under their eyes and a good extra 40 pounds.
Are we supposed to just keep quiet?
Do men and women equally hear these kinds of comments?
Ive run into one such auntie. My sister's MIL would say wierd things to my MOM all the time abt her looks!!!! My mom is still a very pretty woman, Mashallah. She is very fair and has really nice skin so when she dresses up, she looks good, mA. My sister's MIL was here for the wedding and would say dumb things all the time like "you look so tired today"...everytime she saw my mom!
I got a bit tired of it so I started doing it back to her. Everytime I saw her, I would say "Ohmigosh Auntie, you look so tired! Are you alright?" or "Didnt you sleep well? Your eyes look so tired today!". She started freaking out and pretty soon simply shut up.
:) I know Im evil.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
^^ Completely agree with PS, and add more to it if she is quite older than you then also say something like, I have a friend whose khala just passed away and she looked just like you last time when i met her. Aap aapna khayal rakha karain.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
I think these type of comments are very rude no matter who says it. Why don't desis learn? I would say somethingesp if its more than once. Not essentailly a rude remark in return, but soemthing like I don't like being stick thin or thanks,I needed to lsoe weight or Ilike being tanned its in. I usually say something like I never notice stuff like that about people and when i do I don't say its rude, I feel if you can't say something good about people you should keep quiet! Yes, its my pet peeve, desis and their rude remarks irrespective of age!!
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
^ You're right eastern but sometimes these ladies can pinpoint a girl for being battameez as a result of her openly standing up to them.
Fight back but subtly so she gets the hint and leaves you alone.
Beat her to the punch next time and ask her if tabiyat is okay...act all concerned about her and pretend as if you're worried.
It works. :)
i just say no you are mistaken i look exactly the same. and i just keep blatantly denying it so that they feel stupid and then they can't even call you batameez becasue you are not being rude.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
man, i'm going to put up with this- heading back to the homeland after 7 years and i just know people will comment on my looks, my weight, my lack of weight, this, that, the other. arrggh! its so frustrating.
"one" of the rudest comment when i went to pakistan this december. This elderly lady...I think she's my daadi's sister or something. Anways, we went over to her place...and the first thing she says ....."issay kya ho gaya hai..kitni pyari hoti thi bachpan main"... :O and she kept going about how i need to eat more...and this and that! how very annoying and rude. I didn't say anything...and her daughter or daughter-in-law apologized before we left.
Re: What to say when an elder says something rude
she was right in a way, bachpan mein bohot pyari thi (and now too :D)
