My sis had a baby a while ago and still has some of the baby weight left. She is working on it but slowly. Most of it is gone though, Alhumdulillah. We were at a bazaar one day and this auntie who had put up a booth actually asked her "Kya dobara pregnant ho???". Man, my sis was SO upset!!!! She looked like she was going to cry and she did NOT look pregnant at all. I mean, she is just a little heavy. She doesnt even have a pooch or anything.
She just looked at the auntie and said "nahin to, mein lagrahi hoon kya apko?" Auntie replies stubbornly "Aray naraz hogayeen! Ye to bohot achi baat hai!". What the heck?!?!?! How is that an achi baat? My sis told her "No its not" and walked away.
Depends who it is and how they are related to you.
I think most elders from any culture just say things cos they can.
I use the whole 'killing with kindness' attitude.
The more significance you give to these people and their comments, the more they will hurt.
Just say thankyou, smile sweetly and allow it.
I remember my dads step aunty tell me I looked pregnant when I was 16, it was my sisters wedding day. I replied that I was expecting triplets. My dad made me apologise to her cos I was being rude! Since then I dont say anything. They're not worth it.
My sis had a baby a while ago and still has some of the baby weight left. She is working on it but slowly. Most of it is gone though, Alhumdulillah. We were at a bazaar one day and this auntie who had put up a booth actually asked her "Kya dobara pregnant ho???". Man, my sis was SO upset!!!! She looked like she was going to cry and she did NOT look pregnant at all. I mean, she is just a little heavy. She doesnt even have a pooch or anything.
She just looked at the auntie and said "nahin to, mein lagrahi hoon kya apko?" Auntie replies stubbornly "Aray naraz hogayeen! Ye to bohot achi baat hai!". What the heck?!?!?! How is that an achi baat? My sis told her "No its not" and walked away.
i think the aunty meant that it was an achi baat being pregnant again not that iit was an achi baat that your sister got upset.
The thing with desi aunty's is that they HAVE to say sumthing while giving u those "air-pecks" on u're cheeks when u say u're "salaam" and they have a list to chose from.
You've gained weight
You've lost weight
You've become darker
You're hairs shorter
You've lost soo much hair beta
What happened to your skin
So even if u havn't changed a BIT, they still need to make a comment! Ignore and say "No aysa kuch nahin"
damn i dont know how to tlk tht much good urdu zabaan so i just dont tlk to them unless i really have to or my mum has to speak for me....plus i dont really answer back to olders i am a good llittle girl when it comes to things like tht:@:
What do you say to an elder who has not seen you in twenty years and says,
"You've
gotten too skinny
put on weight
lost hair
look tired..."
gotten darker/lighter
Do you explain that people age and they can't look like they did when they were teenagers? Meanwhile, this elder looks pretty awful-average looking, dark circles under their eyes and a good extra 40 pounds.
Are we supposed to just keep quiet?
u feel sorry for the fact that their thought process is still primitive. but don't say anything because it is a futile exercise. u just ignore them or better yet...flatter the crap out of them. "i know auntie....mere baal itnay girr rahay haain aap koi tip bataain naa...aap ke baal tou mashallah se ab tak itnay healthy hain..." auntie might get so flattered she might give u a tip or two and fry some yummy samosas in her flattery-induced enthusiasm. so in the process of doing so u have not only gotten sawab for making an elder happy, but also gotten to eat the fruit of virtue. this is what u call optimal conflict resolution.....
I will make sure my kids never grow up among such Desi women/men that decrease women to their parts instead of evaluating them on their personality, wit, intelligence and other achievements. the solution is to avoid being around them as much as possible and when around try and be civil but discreet. you surround yourself instead with smart, intelligent and wonderful women that will not start nitpicking your weight or looks when you meet them. i mean i understand women discussing weight/looks to a certain degree but i think everyone knows the kind of women that ONLY talk about weight and looks all the time.
you know its one thing if you get these comments from aunties you KNOW well but another when you're caught totally off guard with some random relative you're meeting after like 15 years..
so during my last visit to pakistan this aunty comes up to me and goes .."achi ho..likin weight lose karo gi to aur bhi achi lago gi"..i didnt even know how to react lol
How about you say,"gosh aunty or whoever, forget about me,aap kokiya hogaya, you lookso dfifferent, main toh pareshan ho gayeen hoon aap ko dekh kar". One tactic I applied toone aunty I was meeting after many years so before meeting her I called her up and said I have changed so much, pls don't comment on it but I have. As a result, she said when she saw me, you are just the same, why did you say you have changed. lol!!
What do you say to an elder who has not seen you in twenty years and says,
"You've
gotten too skinny
put on weight
lost hair
look tired..."
gotten darker/lighter
Do you explain that people age and they can't look like they did when they were teenagers? Meanwhile, this elder looks pretty awful-average looking, dark circles under their eyes and a good extra 40 pounds.
Are we supposed to just keep quiet?
Do men and women equally hear these kinds of comments?
The statements you mentioned above aren't exactly rude. Although some "elders" might say some of those out of malice, some would actually be saying it out of concern. You also have to realize that many 'elders' back home don't know 'how' to phrase these things.. so cut them some slack.
However, if someone says something really rude to me, God help them. Whatever they dish out will be slapped right back in their faces.
Now online, if I have online friends, acquaintances, and they are rude or insensitive, I will usually ignore them. As I have done with some ignorant retards here on GS.
You should know that your silence should never be mistaken for a weakness. Just make sure these idiots know not to mess with you.
:D
and if the same rude elder were to complement you on ur awesome features, sunny looks, milky skin, chocolatey hair and sharbati akhaain...then wht? phir bhi kia woh rude hi hotey? nah je..tab to ankhon ke taray hotay...hamaray pyaray hotay & raaj dularay hotay...you women...just can't take a single SAANS without complaining.
