Re: What to do
Maybe when she has the baby, she will change as she will have more responsibility. I don’t think you need to move to another place, especially a bigger place with a new baby. Babies are lot of work, they are a wake up call, I hope and pray that things get better for both of you. I would strongly recommend to keep her in your home when the baby comes, don’t fall for that chilla tradition at mother’s place. This is your chance to build your relationship with your wife and the new child. No matter what she says, stick to your guns. If she says I need help from my family, you can simply tell her they are welcomed to come over to “her home” and help her. If her mother tries to talk to you into leaving her at your MIL’s place, be polite but firm that you want your wife and child with you. I hope that will get the message to both your wife and her family.
This is one of the many many concerns I have if this does not come to a stop or at least soem sort of limit as current she might as well be single.
You can do a few things:
Make her see that she is not as welcome in her mother’s home as she thinks she is. Just as she was not okay having her SILs stay over all the time, her own SILs may not be okay with her being there so much regardless of them not saying anything to her face.
Ask your wife to ask her mother whether other women in her family stay at maikay for this long and this often. She may see she is a bit out of line even if her mother thinks she is coming over too much.
Talk to her mother in private. Don’t make a big deal out of it but tell her this is affecting your relationship with her daughter. I hate involving a third party but I think you have come to a point where you need to get her mother’s opinion. If her mother is as stubborn as her and see nothing wrong with it, then TELL her you don’t like it and you would rather have your wife at home as her responsibilities are going to get bigger with a baby coming.
Give her an ultimatum. She needs to live like a married woman to get all her needs met. If she continues to live like this, she will be treated like a spoiled brat and nothing more. Tell her you are losing respect for her because she acts very selfishly. List all your reasons for being unhappy with her and ask her to do the same. If she can’t do that then stop treating her like a princess. She acts like this because you let her.
She only has siblings in that hosue who are not married wand who to be honest expect her to come around whenever needed
This will definitely not work with her as she jsut expects to go back and forth whenever
This is how I think but me telling her has never worked and it will definitely not work now
Her mother is always asking why she does not stay over, it is a sort of expectation and she is not a person I believe I can reason with at all, hence the need to go outside of family circle
Honestly, I feel really bad for you dude. She doesn’t want to make a home. She ins’t interested in marriage. She wants to be a dictator and make the rules when they’re not hers to make.
Stick to your guns please:
There will be no more stay overs unless they’ve been discussed
Do NOT buy a bigger house until these issues are resolved. You’re going to make things worse…one more whim she gets fulfilled. One more demand that you went ahead and gave in to.
Since you’ve tried talking to her and nothing is working, take her to a sheikh (or have them come to you) or talk to her mom. Maybe her mom can knock some sense into her. She should have had this conversation with her when she got married. But its never too late.
I don’t understand this…doesn’t she want to be married to you? Does she care about you or what you want out of this marriage? It seems like her priority is just getting her way. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
I can not speak to her mum about this, her mum will most likely repeat what my wife says and also based on past experience she is not a person to go to.
Couldn’t agree more.
Esp the bit about not buying a house yet.
She seems like she has control issues or even a mental health problem.
She should settle more when the baby comes as it will keep her busy but I actually don’t think she will, I think she will get worse and use the baby as an issue as she is already saying that she does so much for you now, when really she isn’t doing anything, so can’t imagine what she will be like when baby comes along.
Plz get a third party involved ASAP.
I really feel for you. And also your mother who does not complain about her.
I actually sit and contemplate quite a lot as to what I am doing wrong besides not buying her a hosue yet. Quite a lot of introspection and I believe the only thing I do in an argument is that my tones changes and that is it.
Her thought process needs to be changed. I think you should talk to her mother, tell her that you are not happy with this roz ka ana jana. Let them know you are troubled with all this. As she is not listening to you & to those teachers, she will definately listen to her mother.
Oh and one last thing…
Its your responsibility to make a home for this baby. Your job to create a family for him/her. You are the leader of your home and family. If she isn’t taking her growing family seriously, you need to.
If she complains, let her. If she whines, let her. If she screams, let her.
Ignore it…and lay down the law and walk away. Do not argue back with her. Stop arguing - period. Say what needs to be done and leave. She is not a child, she will be fine.
I will provide an update as to what has occurred since our last argument, quite a lot.
We cannot just cut the cord on people, especially those we have a responsibility to. We have the means and we should take the means and resolve matters amicably insha-Allah
It was a love marriage.