What to do

[Theorist]

Re: What to do

@Difficulty

I mentioned once ages ago about me working for her and she stated that I was working before I met her and I’m still working so my life isn’t any different. I then said I let you spend whatever you want, you have your own card and she replied that I hardly spend anything so there is no difference in your life. You live in the same house, same job, same people and everything is different for me

She then proceeded to say that she now cooks for me and washes and irons my clothes and before marriage naturally she wasn’t doing these things for me as we weren’t together. So she puts more in then me into this marriage and there is more change to her lifestyle

I was shocked as whenever see a load of clothes ready to wash I’ll wash them and iron them all myself the only reason I can’t is because she stops me or because it is done during the day once a week

How do you say to your spouse you cannot be available ‘on-call’ for everyone in your family and you need to do things in our town. She will just say you are selfish. When someone has no desire to do anything other than go to parents under the pretext that something needs to be done you cannot win.

She goes at least once a week minimum and all I’m waiting for the moment everyday when she says I need to go again or I need to stay for such and such reason etc mainly because sister and hubby are at work and mum needs me to babysit.

You can do a few things:

1. Make her see that she is not as welcome in her mother’s home as she thinks she is. Just as she was not okay having her SILs stay over all the time, her own SILs may not be okay with her being there so much regardless of them not saying anything to her face.

2. Ask your wife to ask her mother whether other women in her family stay at maikay for this long and this often. She may see she is a bit out of line even if her mother thinks she is coming over too much.

3. Talk to her mother in private. Don’t make a big deal out of it but tell her this is affecting your relationship with her daughter. I hate involving a third party but I think you have come to a point where you need to get her mother’s opinion. If her mother is as stubborn as her and see nothing wrong with it, then TELL her you don’t like it and you would rather have your wife at home as her responsibilities are going to get bigger with a baby coming.

4. Give her an ultimatum. She needs to live like a married woman to get all her needs met. If she continues to live like this, she will be treated like a spoiled brat and nothing more. Tell her you are losing respect for her because she acts very selfishly. List all your reasons for being unhappy with her and ask her to do the same. If she can’t do that then stop treating her like a princess. She acts like this because you let her.