Re: What to do
I live off principles and especially fulfilling at least what I am supposed to Islamically so I cannot do this as firstly she is entitled to visit her parents once a week (the lenient view) and I cannot complain with that (although she is still visiting and her parent is actually abroad) but I agree with once a week regardless and secondly regarding maintenance and lodging I will explain inmy next post what has recently occurred and the conclusion.
I was never ok with it but she always complained that I live with parents and family around and she should be able to go, coupled with all the crying of moving and her being ‘unable’ to adapt to life away from home I didn’t argue about it but I did mention it and Is till mention it. When I have an issue with it she will argue about something else and I am oppressing her.
Depends what you mean socialising, if you mean when I go around she will come with me but I know she doesn’t want to so nowadays I just tell her I am going and if she wants to come she can, she still does. But going to my extended family herself or ringing them etc, never. But to be honest that doesn’t bother me as they are living their lives quite happily and it does not bother them.
Regarding my mother, what can I say. She has clearly stated she does not want to live with her. Now I am not being biased because she is my mother. All my mother does is wake up, make her own breakfast or whatever, put an islamic channel on, sit with a tasbeeh and watch. My wife can come in and out as she pleases. There isn’t much of a relationship, at the start my mum would cry as she would want a specific type of daughter in-law who would talk to her, go out with her and who would at least mention when she goes to her parents house out of courtesy but even that was an issue with my wife as she stated why should she. But now my mum knows what to expect and it doesn’t bother her
But then I get the opposite as well, when we are making food she will ask me to ask my mum what she wants but will hardly ever ask herself, although mum due to her stomach ailments will mostly have quite a lot of food given to her by my siblings who pass it over and in the fridge. This was also an issue initially as I did ask her to make food for mum and after an argument or two she said she would but that she didn’t have to religiously. As my mum would never directly ask her to make her something she used to tell me that she will only make something to eat when asked by my mum so that didn’t work either.
But to be honest my mum is happy as she can make her own food and is given to her as well from my siblings and she doesn’t really need my wife to be at home and converse with her.
Overall she is courteous with my family and whoever comes around but I would say that she is the type of person who would rather not see them if she had the chance.
I have much bottled inside as I know each time I say something she will go bring 50 other things into it.
My wife isn’t the type that I can state anything about a second wife!!!
I’ll give an example of the issue I have in the next post and I think I have reached a conclusion as to what I have to do
You are screwed, man! She needs to know your rights too so she can start appreciating what you do for her. Why don’t you tell her you feel unloved because she doesn’t appreciate what you do for her? About second wife, I only meant it as something you should at least mention to explain that we ALL have rights but not every right should be exercised because it could be unfair to our spouse and if we all just cared about our rights, then we are living very selfishly. How about you put it this way: What would happen to her if something unfortunate happened to you? What will become of her and her rights? Who will happily fulfill her rights? Does she even have any qualifications to be able to get a job to feed and clothe herself and if she does, will she care about your rights even if you couldn’t provide for her? She brings pretty much nothing to the table so why does she act so spoiled?