I need some advice on an age old question folks!..Do you listen to your heart or your mind?.. I am in a desperate situation currently…
I wus with a guy for about 8 years of my life and we recently got the parents involved…Him and his family are unlike mine in all ways…(Status, finances, mentality, backgrounds, refinement etc)…My parents are not ecstatic with my choice…I wus happy with the way things were…but now I’m starting to believe I can do better…He has some small issues…and I do get a little embarrased when we are among my friends/family…but he has a good heart…and loves me to death…
I do not really get along with his family either… they seem like bad tempered people with a backwards mentality… very different from me.
I am unsure of what to do… do I stay with comfort and some nagging issues or do I pursue someone more suitable?..I’m scared no one will love me as much…
Anyone going through the same thing or have any words of wisdom?..
I feel embarassment when you are with him infront of your family and friends?:aq: Hmmm,it seems you are already thinking that you can find someone better, and you are finding it hard to adjust with him or his family,etc.So, i believe,even if you get married to him, you would always have this feeling that you could have found someone more suitable.
I need some advice on an age old question folks!...Do you listen to your heart or your mind?... I am in a desperate situation currently....
I wus with a guy for about 8 years of my life and we recently got the parents involved....Him and his family are unlike mine in all ways...(Status, finances, mentality, backgrounds, refinement etc)...My parents are not ecstatic with my choice...I wus happy with the way things were....but now I'm starting to believe I can do better....He has some small issues...and I do get a little embarrased when we are among my friends/family....but he has a good heart....and loves me to death...
I do not really get along with his family either.... they seem like bad tempered people with a backwards mentality.... very different from me.
I am unsure of what to do... do I stay with comfort and some nagging issues or do I pursue someone more suitable?...I'm scared no one will love me as much....
Anyone going through the same thing or have any words of wisdom?.......
-Seema
Once u get married,u will definitely interact with his family and relations and friends and if ur embarassed of them right now,u honestly think u can pull on?
how do they seem bad tempered and backward?any example
They don't ever call/come over unless its for a specific event (ie eid).... They don't call to speak to me, only my parents.....the FIL refuses to visit me at my house..... I haven't really seen any love or affection sent my way.....I believe they are going along with it because the son chose me......they also denied an invitation to my sister's wedding because they had a casual dinner to attend.....I feel very low priority.... Is this normal girls?.....
They don't ever call/come over unless its for a specific event (ie eid).... They don't call to speak to me, only my parents.....the FIL refuses to visit me at my house..... I haven't really seen any love or affection sent my way.....I believe they are going along with it because the son chose me......they also denied an invitation to my sister's wedding because they had a casual dinner to attend.....I feel very low priority.... Is this normal girls?.....
stop thinking too much.i think someone is putting all this in ur mind.
There are different traditions in every family.this is normal before marriage.occassions are sought out for gifts ,thats true in many cases.
that isnt even the whole story! He was not on his best behavior with my parents recently (doin' things he musta learnt in his family) and they are totally against it now........... i'm just stuck in the middle.........
it seems from ur talk u dont want him in ur life...and if u have reasons that he or his family isnt suited well in ur life,then call it off....but to tell u the truth...its almost same everywhere.
If the issues are so severe that you feel the need to actually address them...then think about your future and how you will deal with them later. These issues are here to stay...for the rest of your life.
Do you think they will grow or get better? I doubt you will be able to ignore them for much longer.
that isnt even the whole story! He was not on his best behavior with my parents recently (doin' things he musta learnt in his family) and they are totally against it now........... i'm just stuck in the middle.........
WAHHHHH
The fact that you are even thinking this way already shows that you clearly think you are too good for him.
tell me were u blind the last 8 years that u did not think his family was "beneath" u?
Punish this guy for something not in his control like his parents. Hopefully, when you do upgrade, the new guy will take you on a ride for a few years and then dump you for something that you cant control.... like your parents behavior.
payback is a female dog... you may get dumped for becoming fat or something.
You aren't even married yet and already you have all these issues? Shocking. If he and his family can't show any respect to you and your parents - then almost certainly things will only get worse after marriage! Why is he discourteous to your parents? What is his problem?
They should have made the effort to go to your sister's wedding. That was really rude of them not to. They did it intentionally. Don't choose this guy over your parents. That would be the worst decision.
The world population is over 6,706,993,152 - I assure you that you will find someone better. :) I know it can be aching letting go of someone after 8 years…but in this case listen to your mind. Not your heart!
marriage is between two families and not two people. This is a big fat truth about marriages in our society. As long as you were ONLY with HIM things were fine now that you are getting to know HIS FAMILY also things are getting different.
If his family is different than yours , then your family must also be different than his. does he ever complain abt your family being different ? I mean he shd also be feeling that. If not then he is being quite and trying to adjust. If he can adjust for your sake then why can't you ?
and dear he is your own choice , its not arranged u will have to compromise on few things. but yes I agree that your inlaws not coming to ur sis wedding was rude.
think alot before getting married , think how much can u adjust and compromise with him and his family , its not just your life that will be affected but his too if God forbid things dont work out.
it seems that you've mostly already made up your mind, the only thing holding you back from breaking it off with him is your fear of finding someone else, well life is full of risks! i think you should break it off, you're not being fair to the guy, if you marry him, these feelings(which are quite snobby by the way)you have aobut being embarassed and so on wont go away, and you may come to resent him, all the poor guy has done is love you!
you'll find someone else and so will he inshallah. dont make a mistake, theres 2 lives here that could be ruined.