Salaam…I am going through a really messed up situation in my life right now. It makes sense to no one, I am feeling hurt, confused and lost. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do but all my “American” friends have told me I should seek therapy. I am reluctant because of the notion “I am not weak why would I need a stranger to listen to me?” But I am finding this situation very difficult, can any of you suggest anything? Meaning should I go ahead and seek counseling? when i do shouldn’t it be someone who is “desi” so they understand our culture better, my problem is culture related. Or should I just keep praying to Allah the he just eases my pain? I have been praying Ayat Karima every day for the past 4 weeks to help the issue.
Hmm praying will definately help but at the same time getting help from a counsellor does not mean you are weak. At times its nice to have someone listen to you in detail and be there to figure out the problem for you and help you deal with the issues in hand.
i dunno what to say once u go to a shrink ur hooked u never cum baq he will make money out of u he might give u anti depressant all u need is to talk to ur family about it mother or whoever ur close to these goras go to shrinks coz in their surroundings no ones there to listen
I have talked to my friends, and my mother. Basically, I have had someone completely lead me to believe he was going to marry me. (I am divorced and I have a child) His parents never accepted our relationship. But he was adamant that he would marry me regardless. After 4 years, after signing a lease on an apt, buying furniture, talking to my dad to ask for my hand in marriage, telling my child he was going to be her father....Over night when my parents talked to his parents, they gave him the ultimatium choose her or us. and he chose them. In a heartbeat. He keeps saying how he loves me and i am his true love and best friend and he will never get married to anyone but he has no choice because he can't hurt his parents. He admits his parents don't care for him, he admits their "love" is fake he admits I am the only one that truly understands him... So I had all these hopes and feelings and with a blink of an eye its all been taken away. Its been a month and a half. I have begged, pleaded tried to reason with him to make him change his mind and rethink this or take some time to think. But he is adamant.
I am having a hard time getting past all this. I know I need to move on, but it's so hard. My daughter has been really sad and crying and questioning why another man has left us....It's just so hard.
I agree with you that seeing a therapist is what goras do...but i feel lost like I dont know what to do how to begin doing it.....can any of you help me??
oh God im so sorry men can be such pigs at times i know it must be really really hard but these things happen all the time so plz dont think its end of teh world i know u must be thinking i waisted so much of time n energy but now its sumthing u shuld deal with i ve seen people who after such things keep on trying they talk a man into it finally but sumtimes it will be like this forever it looks like that he was serious maybe his folks are really putting pressure on him talk to him reason be nice maybe he will know how unreasonable his parents are n on the other hand ur understanding what ill advise u is to engage urself into sumthing like work urself to death so u wont have time
Sadia sorry to read about your situation. Time is the best healer, but it is not a bad idea to seek counseling. You need to see a psychologist not a psychiatrist. Psychologists do not prescribe medication and do not put you on any kind of medication.
Obviously this guy is a wimp and you do not want to marry a wimp, do you ?
For your second marriage you need a cofident and matured man. I will pray to Allah that you find him or he finds you.
The following should help you understand the difference between a psychologist and psychiatrist.
**Question: **What Is the Difference Between a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist?
**Answer: **The simplest way to describe the difference between them is that a psychologist primarily aids the depressed patient by counseling and psychotherapy. A psychiatrist may also perform psychotherapy; but, in addition, can prescribe medications and perform ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). A psychiatrist is a medical doctor. A psychologist may hold a doctoral degree (Ph.D.) and be called “doctor”; but, is not a medical doctor (M.D.).
I dont know why its beleived that going to see a therapist is "what goras do"...in all my life, I've known just one gora who has used a therapist. People in the field of mental health are typically the most messed up people on the planet. And you PAY them to give you (hopefully) the same advice that a loved one would give you. But the catch here is that they ALSO want you to keep coming back yeah? Best to steer clear IMHO.
Anyway, on to your troubles. Its sad indeed that not only is the guy giving up the "love of his life" but is also breaking the heart of a child who has come to love him like a daddy. Why? Because HIS MOMMY said no! A guy who still has the umbilical cord attached to his mommy is not a man and not ready for marriage.
I understand the whole thing about caring for parents and elders and all that. But to force this situation - and worse! is that he accepted it!!!
Things must be very sad for you and your daughter right now but in time, you'll both see that things worked out for the better.
i dunno what to say once u go to a shrink ur hooked u never cum baq he will make money out of u he might give u anti depressant all u need is to talk to ur family about it mother or whoever ur close to t*hese goras go to shrinks coz in their surroundings no ones there to listen*/QUOTE]
I dont know why its beleived that going to see a therapist is "what goras do"...in all my life, I've known just one gora who has used a therapist. People in the field of mental health are typically the most messed up people on the planet. And you PAY them to give you (hopefully) the same advice that a loved one would give you. But the catch here is that they ALSO want you to keep coming back yeah? Best to steer clear IMHO.
Anyway, on to your troubles. Its sad indeed that not only is the guy giving up the "love of his life" but is also breaking the heart of a child who has come to love him like a daddy. Why? Because HIS MOMMY said no! A guy who still has the umbilical cord attached to his mommy is not a man and not ready for marriage.
I understand the whole thing about caring for parents and elders and all that. But to force this situation - and worse! is that he accepted it!!!
Things must be very sad for you and your daughter right now but in time, you'll both see that things worked out for the better.
Is that research based? Are they that different from the general public? b/c the general public is pretty messed up and i would venture to say the "messed up" rate of those individuals in the mental health field is probably not that different from the "messed up" rate of the general public.
There are people in every field who want to take advantage of their position. By that logic, your doctor wants you to keep coming back and therefore you should steer clear of them as well.
People go to counselors or psychiatrists b/c they can actually help them. What will a freind or a desi do? judge and whine and hten possibly share ur story with everyone else under the sun. with professional help, that risk is not there. THAT’S why people go to doctors…contrary to what your feeble minds may think, goray actually DO have families and people who care about them. Morons.
sometimes family and friends can’t do for you what a professional can. don’t the friends and families have their own headaches that they have to care for? why ever would they pay attention to someone else when their own world is falling apart? in that case it’s better to go to professional whose job is to not only listen to you, but also help you. and they have years and years of training to do that. it’s not like a 16 year old helping a 15 year old, or an aunty who’s really seen her own life and is giving advice to someone else who ha ssomething competely different going on in her own life. you have go to get out of your own little world and not talk about stuff you’ve only heard about and no. they don’t go on trees. they have to pay oodles of their own money to learn methods to help others. family on the other hand does go on trees. every corner you turn around you have another far off relative who is there to judge you, not help you.
saadia3877, pray for sure. nothing can help you more than God. But if you honestly feel like you have no other option left, no one can help you or can properly hear you, then do seek counselling. go to a therapist, a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. but remember, going to a psychologist is not like psychiatrist. pills work really quickly, so it seems like stuff is perfect again. on the other hand, going to psychologist is a long process, since the methods they use take a while. it’s not a process that takes 2 days to make you feel better. there are also many psychologists who come from our background, so they would be able to help you better. start at the website for APA, they will help you find a psychologist in your area. as for making the patients come back again and again to them to make money, i don’t believe it. they want to help you, but it might feel like they are making you come back because the methods are slow, but they are worthwile.
if you don’t want to go talk to one person, look for group therapies. those are usually lead by a psychologist, and there you have others who have gone through your situation. other ways are talking to someone at your local masjid, a good imam. and if you have a culture center around you, look for such places there as well. for example we have a Muslims Center at my local city center, which offers help to the local muslims. they could redirect you to a professional.
I like the idea of going to the masjid. Put up his picture, and warn all the women in the community (and beyond) that he is a mamma's boy, a liar, and a weak character who will make his wife miserable beyond belief :)
Keep reasoning with him, he has a responsibility to his parents (regardless of whether their love is fake for him) & you (given what you have wrote). If he genuinely loves you then he should be convincing his parents about you.
oh god oh god oh god.... i m so so sad at this situation
i m so sad....
i m so sad
Allah Tallah app ki help karay amin.... this is so sad
i m so so sad for u.... Allah Tallah sab behtar karay ga amin
o god i m so sad....
this is not good.... i m so sad for the little baby.... this is so sad.... inshAllah Allah Tallah app ko aur app ki beti ko buhat buhat behtar kismat dein gey amin...
