Re: what to do in this situation then
@nadz123, If I am in your position, then I will let her do the cooking whilst I do some other chores at home even if she is giving bad comments after seeing the results. And when MIL finally feels that "Oh mai sab kuch kaam ker rahie hoon or bahoon kuch kerti bi nahie hai, then I am sure she would want to divide some chores. :)
Re: what to do in this situation then
Thing is, i cook well. my husband likes it. so i didnt understand her comments thats why....
ask him to swear on his mom's life and tell you the truth :D
Re: what to do in this situation then
ask him to swear on his mom's life and tell you the truth :D
oops :D
Re: what to do in this situation then
Why don't people ever call others on their "subtle" tricks? As in, actually have a man to man (I realize Nadz is a woman) conversation instead of the bollywood drama.
Tell her how her phrasing makes you feel and if she gets even nastier then you know she hates you and if she's nice about it, maybe she made an honest mistake.
Re: what to do in this situation then
^Or she can even try looking her MIL dead in the eye....and calmly ask her "Ammi ji...perhaps this salan here wasn't the greatest, but I put sincere effort into it. I have a question for you though. The day that I manage to cook or do something well....will you be able to acknowledge it openly....or.....have you made up your mind that anything and everything associated with me is and always will b bad?" Then stare at her for a few seconds....and walk away. Let her think over it. If she has a working conscience....it might humble her. If she doesn't....at least she'll know that the other party is not oblivious to her games and will call her on it.
Doubt the OP would ever say it. Doubt her husband would talk his mom. So, she needs to figure what she needs to change...and what she should let slide in order to get some peace in her life.
Re: what to do in this situation then
Some people use this as a manipulation tactic--do all the chores and then complain to 1. make themselves look good (like the martyr they are) and 2. make the other person look bad (like a lazy person who cannot do anything).
That could hold true for a SIL but not a MIL. She's the MIL, boss of the house, don't think she needs to make herself look good in front of anyone.
And nadz, wait it out. Give it some time. It's not only you going through the change, it's your MIL too. She's always been the top dog in the kitchen, she probably feels threatened and it will take time for her to concede any territory.
Re: what to do in this situation then
don't think she needs to make herself look good in front of anyone.
Yup, not even God. That why it stands for monster-in-law.
Re: what to do in this situation then
MIL says not to cook a certain salan as you dont cook it well....
quite rude, she coudlve just said ill do it......rather than say that. was offering to cook all the meals for a dawat and ive noticed she doesnt let me cook, will make reasons...then will indirectly make me feel guilty for not doing anything.......grrrrr
**
ps. he salans are NOT GOOD**...
hehehhe... so whoz salans are not good? The ones made by u or the ones made by ur MIL?
BTW my MIL is the sameeee exacttttt wayyyy.... (I am not married yet but I have cooked for dawaats for them before.. I knowww arghhh I just cant help being nice to these people geezzzzzz)
Last time, I made chicken karhai for a dawaat at my SIL's house and when my MIl came in, she headed straight for the kitchen. She started shaking the stuff and stirring everything. Arghhhh I get frustrated when ppl try to check my cooking work because I know exactly how to cook.. I have been doing it since I was 8.
Plus she started telling me tht I shouldnt have put water in it... arggghhh I never put water in it normally but she always cooks watery salaans so I decided not to make mine too ghara (thick) so she wont say anything..
ARghhh if I add water its hell and if I dont then its still hell.
(lol.. hell is an exaggeration but I do get frustrated easily.)
but yaa... I just nod my head and go along with it... hahah or sometimes I just walk off. I text my mom to call me (my phone sents an automatic call me text to my mom if I just press 2 buttons). Well, so my mom calls right away and I walk off pretending like its very important.
Just ignore her.. MIL are silly.
But if ur salans are really not turning out right, then just listen to her and make a recipe book. So next time, u can use the recipe she gives u. I just call my MIL to ask her if I am unsure (mostly I am sure but I try to make her feel important... I think older women especially MILs need tht).
P.S. I dont c why ppl always gang up on u... whenever I post too, ppl think it is sooo horrible. I think my MIL isnt all tht bad but I do like to write about the little issues so I get some third-party perspective and check my attitude towards issues.
Re: what to do in this situation then
You have no idea. Some women people thrive on being the “victim” or “bechari” etc, doesn’t matter if they are MIL or SIL or DIL.
Re: what to do in this situation then
Sara's right, Rizla. I've seen the strategy used.....and lemme tell ya....it's not confined to just the SILs. It stems from insecurity and jealousy...and these emotions are not limited to just one kind of person or relationship. But eh....you won't agree.....so oh well....to each his own.
Re: what to do in this situation then
Thing is, i cook well. my husband likes it. so i didnt understand her comments thats why....
Hehehhe evryone in theri family love my cooking but my SIL always complains... and then my MIL adds her two cents in it. I think it is because my SIL is oh soooo jealous of me. She actually had the audacity to come up to me and tell me tht "O you know that S Bhai (her hubby) is your brother right" I just looked at her with confussion... duh I know tht... and ur point is?
In laws are frustrating but I do think tht us DILs try to stretch the situation without any important reason.
Re: what to do in this situation then
why don't you just stick to your MIL in the kitchen, let her do the cooking but just help her out by handing her masalas and stuff then she won't be able to say that nadz don't do anything.
The best advice u will get! Just stay there and do minor stuff....
You could...
1) Ask her to teach you/show you how to make the salan. Risk being proactive, taking the initiative...possibly bonding with the MIL, etc.
2) Dawats are a big/stressful occasion to cook for. Instead, why don't you start with cooking smaller things....like pakoray or aloo ki tikkiyan...and then work your way up from there. Maybe starting with something smaller will develop some trust in your in-laws.
3) *Praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaise your MIL. Feign complacency and tell her "You're right Ammi Ji. You are such a great cook. You make all the dishes so well...from the smallest to the biggest. The guests would love each and every dish made solely by you." Then let her do ALL the work....let her sweat over the peeling/chopping/dicing/stirring/frying etc..........while you work on a much easier task like serving the food....a lil cleaning here n there....taking care of your daughter. *
^Instead of making your life tougher, Nadz, with all the complaining and moaning that you do....................why don't you calm down for a sec and see the good things/ease that can result from a situation. If she's determined never to like you...if she's made up her mind that anything and everything you do will NEVER earn her stamp of approval......you could just be polite and let her sweat it out. You can't control what others do or say.....but you can control your attitude and how you chose to react. And if you're not going to make adjustments in how you choose to handle/react to things....then you're going to be part of the problem.
^ this.
but be careful that u look busy or else she will tell everyone tht u dont do anything!
I think all MIL think they are kitchen's queen or something. I feel so ashamed that I was trying to compete with my IL's cooking until my mom put me in my place and told me I am better than that and cooking is no big deal and seriously anyone in the world can cook!!!! I don't know why inlaws think cooking is such an act. My mother in law who thankfully I haven't had a chance to live with YET told me you will learn all the tricks of our family's cooking when you come visit us. They don't even cook that good! nvm!
All of my inlaws (except for my MIL and SIl offcourse) are sooo excited about me cooking. They really lovee the way I cook and praise me everytime. However, my MIL never gives me the credit for cooking when I do. But my fiance always mentions that "oh, btw yeh salaan sani ne banaya hai" (sani made this salan).
I think alot of you are missing the point, or maybe its just me who sees this?
Some people use this as a manipulation tactic--do all the chores and then complain to 1. make themselves look good (like the martyr they are) and 2. make the other person look bad (like a lazy person who cannot do anything).
So yes, on one hand I would be worried because with some people you just don't know that if u do or don't do something today, tomorrow they will throw it back at you to make you look bad.
yaaa Nadz you have to be really careful. Because my MIL and SIL just sit back and let me do all the work and then complain that oh its too spicy or too w.e
However, someone always puts them in their place and tells them that its delicious and muchhh better than how they cook themselves.
Re: what to do in this situation then
Lets be honest girls born in the west can not and will not be better then women from back home. So, It could simply be a standards thing.
Re: what to do in this situation then
^hehe 
This oughta be good.
Re: what to do in this situation then
Quite honestly speaking, I would just let her do it. She feels she is the better cook then let her cook.
Soon enough, she will tire of it and start to back off...they always do because they realize their little trick backfired.
Re: what to do in this situation then
yep its quite rude.
but even parents say these kinda rude things to their children and children also say rude things to their parents, but no one complains cuz no one is always in perfect mood.
i would say try to ignore these chooti chooti baatain, otherwise with this constant bickering and complaining you will be looking old in no time, and may be will also lose respect of your husband.
Re: what to do in this situation then
High time you poisoned her. How much of this abuse can you take?? :(
Re: what to do in this situation then
I think alot of you are missing the point, or maybe its just me who sees this?
Some people use this as a manipulation tactic--do all the chores and then complain to 1. make themselves look good (like the martyr they are) and 2. make the other person look bad (like a lazy person who cannot do anything).
So yes, on one hand I would be worried because with some people you just don't know that if u do or don't do something today, tomorrow they will throw it back at you to make you look bad.
This.
You can integrate yourself in the housework slowly so you're not blamed for not helping around enough later on.
If that's not the case and she really doesn't like your cooking, then see if you can change your cooking up a bit to suit her taste (no pun intended).
Re: what to do in this situation then
kya karay..aadat se majboor jo hai
Re: what to do in this situation then
My MIL is a very nice woman and a spectacular homemaker. That is not me. While I was working it initially drove me crazy that she would drop by and start cleaning things and putting them away. I felt judged and stressed about not being able to do it all. Then I thought, why bother? She wants to clean, let her clean. It's a big help to me! It doesn't matter if she's thinking badly of me for it (tho honestly I think she was just trying to help out). If it's a small victory for her, then fine. Let her have it.