what to do in this situation then

[mizsani]

Re: what to do in this situation then

@hareem01

why don’t you just stick to your MIL in the kitchen, let her do the cooking but just help her out by handing her masalas and stuff then she won’t be able to say that nadz don’t do anything.

The best advice u will get! Just stay there and do minor stuff…

@redvelvet

You could…

1. Ask her to teach you/show you how to make the salan. Risk being proactive, taking the initiative…possibly bonding with the MIL, etc.

2. Dawats are a big/stressful occasion to cook for. Instead, why don’t you start with cooking smaller things…like pakoray or aloo ki tikkiyan…and then work your way up from there. Maybe starting with something smaller will develop some trust in your in-laws.

3. **Praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaise your MIL. Feign complacency and tell her “You’re right Ammi Ji. You are such a great cook. You make all the dishes so well…from the smallest to the biggest. The guests would love each and every dish made solely by you.” Then let her do ALL the work…let her sweat over the peeling/chopping/dicing/stirring/frying etc…while you work on a much easier task like serving the food…a lil cleaning here n there…taking care of your daughter. **

^Instead of making your life tougher, Nadz, with all the complaining and moaning that you do…why don’t you calm down for a sec and see the good things/ease that can result from a situation. If she’s determined never to like you…if she’s made up her mind that anything and everything you do will NEVER earn her stamp of approval…you could just be polite and let her sweat it out. You can’t control what others do or say…but you can control your attitude and how you chose to react. And if you’re not going to make adjustments in how you choose to handle/react to things…then you’re going to be part of the problem.

^ this.
but be careful that u look busy or else she will tell everyone tht u dont do anything!

@busy

I think all MIL think they are kitchen’s queen or something. I feel so ashamed that I was trying to compete with my IL’s cooking until my mom put me in my place and told me I am better than that and cooking is no big deal and seriously anyone in the world can cook!!!
I don’t know why inlaws think cooking is such an act. My mother in law who thankfully I haven’t had a chance to live with YET told me you will learn all the tricks of our family’s cooking when you come visit us. They don’t even cook that good! nvm!

All of my inlaws (except for my MIL and SIl offcourse) are sooo excited about me cooking. They really lovee the way I cook and praise me everytime. However, my MIL never gives me the credit for cooking when I do. But my fiance always mentions that “oh, btw yeh salaan sani ne banaya hai” (sani made this salan).

@Sara516

I think alot of you are missing the point, or maybe its just me who sees this?

Some people use this as a manipulation tactic–do all the chores and then complain to 1. make themselves look good (like the martyr they are) and 2. make the other person look bad (like a lazy person who cannot do anything).

So yes, on one hand I would be worried because with some people you just don’t know that if u do or don’t do something today, tomorrow they will throw it back at you to make you look bad.

yaaa Nadz you have to be really careful. Because my MIL and SIL just sit back and let me do all the work and then complain that oh its too spicy or too w.e
However, someone always puts them in their place and tells them that its delicious and muchhh better than how they cook themselves.