Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
well as your hubby doesnt have a job and has some free time could you pass a msg onto him plz from me...to join GS as a guppy cos' i wanna hear his side to all your threads now! ;)
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
yes and then most likely he will leave. and leave me. and tell me to stay in uk forever.
sorry but isnt' that what u want?
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
nadz..how about creating a whole new issue about how dare ILs fixed SIL's shadi date when you are not around :D
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
GUYS- seriously pls...:
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
Girls this young should stay with their mother.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
[QUOTE]
, its the mothers who are emotionally weaker to be without their kids especially as shel be only year and half
[/QUOTE]
Now if a guy had said that here..
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
As much as a father may love his child, they simply can't tend to their basic needs properly. I dunno about your hubby, but I'm sure my hubby would get bogged down just from changing our baby's diaper for a few days, or dealing with the whole running after a toddler and entertaining them and putting them to sleep etc. etc. Besides if the house is gonna be a shaadi wala ghar with your hubby running around making arrangements, your lil baby girl will suffer endlessly. And your older one also deserves to bond with the new sibling and get used to seeing him/her around.
For once, give up thinking about your own self and your own needs and think about the bigger picture of your OWN family of four in the longer run where you don't have regrets about depriving your hubby of being at the birth of your new baby, or your daughter from bonding with the new sibling or even attending the wedding of your hubby's sister. I say stay in Pakistan and opt for the most expensive bestest private health care available in your city.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
When you get to the UK, have one of your parents lay the smack down to him and not allow it. You guys are cousins so one of your parents is his blood relative, and he's gotta listen to them na. I'm sure your parents will think it's a absolute horrible idea as well. Really he can't be this naive can he? ; thinking that he will manage fine with her for a few months without you, and that too, like others have mentioned, in a "shaadi ghar" situation.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
I agree with Sehrysh. I also wondered that if it's important for Fatima to be included in his sister's wedding....and she'd be too young to even remember the event....is it less important for you to not attend the wedding? He only has one sister. Talk to him about moving the wedding date until you can also participate in it.
Or if that can't happen....then do as Partyslims has suggested. Get your whole family to lay the smack down. Power in numbers and all that. And it depends on how the matter is approached. Also, be warned....that it could offend him and undo the recent posistive change in him. And when he goes back to Pak without your older daughter.....and tells his mommy what happened...it's not going to make her like you any better. Since his mom and your dad are siblings...get your dad to calmly reason with his mom if and when you get to that stage.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
that's what I don't get, having a baby part of your wedding is important but not the baby's mother?
No wonder nadz feels like poop around the family, it's not like they're showing they care about her. and FYI, she's in THEIR home/THEIR country....its their job to make her feel welcome.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother…
^Yaar, I don’t think Nadz wants to be around them any more than they want to be around her. 
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
that's what I don't get, having a baby part of your wedding is important but not the baby's mother?
I think she seems quite happy in not attending the weeding
in fact id go mad if they decided to postpone for me...no way...just get her married and outta here...
whats weird. no it was set a year ago-her wedding date. her inlaws are really pestering to just get on with it. and my preg was announced in may this year. so not their fault and im just glad to be going.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother…
LOL! I know right. :k:
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
Is he taking the kid back so that isi bahanay you will come back to pak...since you guys had fights recently, maybe he thinks once you go to UK you may not want to come back????
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
if you let him take her with him, then don't whine about IL's feeding her xyz.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
nadz, i have been following your posts for quite some time. i know what you mean when you say that you hate it when he cares for his sister or mother. it is not because you have anything against them. it's because you don't get the attention from him that you deserve. i was in a similar situation once. i married him and stayed with him in pakistan for a few months. everytime i wanted to go out with him his sister and mother would get ready to go out with us. if by chance we went out alone he would get a million phone calls from his mom 'where are you, come home already, halaat are kharab, i am so sick' etc etc, and then we would of course head right back. he would leave me alone at home for hours every other day because he had to take his mom to a hakeem, then a doctor, then a pharmacy etc. what i found odd was that she was never sick when we all had to go out. she only ever became sick when my husband and i had plans to do something. i hated her for it.
his sister took all his attention away from me. he was lovey dovey in private but in public he used to jup his sister k naam ki mala. if something was on news he would discuss it with her, he was more interested in her stories than anything i had to say. if we went out he would sit with her. they would eat on the same plate, share food. he always brought her things. he would leave the last of fries or mithai for her. in public he would always get pics with her with their sirs jor together. i know many would start the lecture on how she's his sister and there's nothing wrong with what they shared but the truth is, i felt crushed inside because he was not doing any of those things with me. i always felt that i had left my family, friends, life behind to live with him and he couldn't even give me the attention i deserved. i went through a depression phase. i used to cry whenever i would talk to my best friend or mom. because i was depressed he didn't like spending even a little time with me. my sadness used to ruin his mood/day. his mother and sister won the battle in a way because he was now starting to lose interest in his wife. my mom always told me to be patient, but i am so na-sabri. then i came back to canada after 3 months or so because i had to apply for his immigration. as soon as i landed here my mushkilain in a way went away. i stopped calling him. i would not pay much attention to what he was up to. i had my friends back, my family, my life. if he ever called i talked to him for a few mins about how his haal chaal was and then told him how i had to do something or the other and said goodbye. the distance brought him back to me. slowly slowly when he realized that i wasn't there for him whenever he needed me, that i had my own life, that i was a happy person again, that i wasn't chasing him, he started to chase me. it has been a couple of months since i have been back and he literally calls me everyday, leaves sweet voicemails, emails, texts. if i ever call him n he's with his mom or sis he would leave them to talk to me. the reason i am telling u all this is because u need to realize that u have to let him chase you. you can only do that when you are back in england. you will have friends, family, a life and that will keep you busy and once he sees that you are very happy without him he will be all over you. the trick is though don't leave in anger. just endure it for a month more and then say a proper goodbye to everyone and leave.
as for your original question about your daughter, just tell him 'abhi tou time hai, jab ho ga tab daikhain gay'. that way neither are you committing to anything, nor are you saying an outright no. if u commit now just to avoid any arguments then if not him then his family will use it against you in the future. if you say no then you will just start more fights. if he ever talks about the future, always say 'jee daikhtay hain, ya jab ho ga tab daikhain gay'. when you are back in england your position will be much much stronger. you will have your family to support you. trust me, when the time comes you will get your way. but for now, just listen to everyone here and pretend that you are an actor in a movie and your character has to be nice to everyone no matter what. if you feel like crying go to the bedroom or the bathroom and cry alone. don't let him or his family see you depressed or emotional. do it for a month and leave hansi khushi and everything will work out in your favour inshaAllah :)
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother…
Good point. 
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother…
this :k:
reading your posts/threads and considering them true I get the feeling that your husband and inlaws don’t realise that you are her mother and she needs you more than anyone right now I believe they feel that they can easily substitute you. I personally would never ask any mother to part from her child for few days just because I want her to be with me , sounds very selfish. I agree with one of the posters here that if they want they can extend the wedding date too so that you can also attend the wedding once you’re done with the child birth and 40 days etc. It’s a very unrealistic demand in my opinion. Stay firm and don’t let your daughter go with out u. Chahay koi kuch bhi kahay aur sochay your child comes first.
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
as soon as i landed here my mushkilain in a way went away. i stopped calling him. i would not pay much attention to what he was up to. i had my friends back, my family, my life. if he ever called i talked to him for a few mins about how his haal chaal was and then told him how i had to do something or the other and said goodbye. the distance brought him back to me. slowly slowly when he realized that i wasn't there for him whenever he needed me, that i had my own life, that i was a happy person again, that i wasn't chasing him, he started to chase me. it has been a couple of months since i have been back and he literally calls me everyday, leaves sweet voicemails, emails, texts. if i ever call him n he's with his mom or sis he would leave them to talk to me. the reason i am telling u all this is because u need to realize that u have to let him chase you.
So.....then what happened when you went back to Pak (or are you still in canada?)
Re: what to do in this situation as a mother...
Listen to SilentNation please...
Nadz...your daughter is too young to be left alone. She isnt even potty trained yet...still in diapers...who will tend to her? Who will take full responsibility for a one year old? Him? His sister who's getting married or his mother who will be run off with shaadi preps?
Do what you have to do...swallow your anger and be patient until you go back home.