Hey there people..
I wanted to know if anyone could give me some advise on my current situation in life..i am in love with a guy..who used to like me..and know hes become a totally different..he doesnt try to keep in touch..and very recently he felt that we should end our relationship..the reason for this is that he said that he wasnt sure that he could commit anytihng in future..ie marriage..and knew thatthats what i wanted..but he knew this before we started going out..so colud be that hes chagend his view after getting to know me..maybe he found me too forward or modern or that he disliked me and didnt see much of a future with me..whatever the reasons now i feel hes using me..to pass time and all..i dont want to believe that..but i feel that way..and so i keep texting telling him to end it..if he doesnt like me..hes a sweet guy and we faced alot of problems from my family and friends..but he stood by me..
The thing is i wanted to know..is that do u feel that he could be using me or that do u feel that hes just scared to commit..hes gone through a bad time with his previous gf..and after that for a while he became some what of a playboy..thing is i feel i can see him as what he can become..he has alot of potential and i dont feel i deserve him in anyway..
A few questions and comments.
1) Are you a male or a female?
2) The last line of your story is a bit unnerving. It is a self-esteem issue, it should never be a question of deserving but compatibility.
3) Is he treating you like he treated his last gf?
4) Find a rebound love quick and get over this jackass.
Re: What should i do..
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by B|iss: *
The thing is i wanted to know..is that do u feel that he could be using me or that do u feel that hes just scared to commit
[/QUOTE]
Whatever the case, this doesn't sound like a relationship which is going anywhere. Based on what you say, it probably makes sense for both of you to split and look elsewhere for what you want in life.
I agree with Faisal. If he told you that he cannot commit, then there's nothing you can do or say which will change that. Don't worry about it, just move on.
First of all, why don't you feel you deserve him in any way???
My dear, you need to take a step back from this situation and take a long hard look at yourself. YOU are not the problem in this scenario. This guy has the issues of not wanting to commit for whatever reasons. Perhaps he feels he is too young or wants to have more fun with other women. Who knows what his reasons are for not wanting to stay with you.
The common mistake I keep seeing girls make is that they want to desperately stay with a guy who mistreats them cause they have invested a lot of time and emotion into the relationship. Sometimes, a girl will want to stay with a guy only because she has been with him for a year or two and doesn't want to walk away from her 'investment'.
Girl, you need to be brave and just walk away. There is nothing worse than being in a situation with a guy who doesn't love you when you are completely aware of his feelings. Don't delude yourself. If he is saying he doesn't want to be with you, you cannot change him. When he has made his intentions clear, at this point, the only person hurting you is yourself by willingly putting yourself through this torment.
You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are and what you have to offer. This guy obviously doesn't. Don't ever settle for anything less.
Q1 :
1: r ui havng sex with him?
2: If he/she has the potential always maintain the potential difference ....:D
PKC, what difference does it make if she is having sex with him or not?. It's a non-issue at this point. I agree with what Mehnaz and Faisal have suggested. Wake up and smell the coffee and move on. Cut off all ties with him immediately. This will tell him you mean business and won't just hang out with him til he finds his next victim. He might come back to you after experiencing life without you.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
I agree with Faisal. If he told you that he cannot commit, then there's nothing you can do or say which will change that. Don't worry about it, just move on.
[/QUOTE]
Easier said then done fret....if she loves him she cannot let go too easily...
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Maniac: *
Easier said then done fret....if she loves him she cannot let go too easily...
[/QUOTE]
but maybe if they take some time off.. she'll figure out how much she loves him.. u have to step out of the circle to understand the relationship.. while being in it.. its really confusing.. and emotions get mixed up..
i know of a guy who said the same thing to me.. this whole commitment thing... and i saw him in a different light as well.. found he had an amazing heart and so on.. just like the way u have described the guy in ur story..
truth is... u cant make someone commit.. u cant force them to see what u see in them.. cus it dont work like that..
i agree with faisal and mehnaz.. u dont have to fully break up... take some time out.. and see how it is.. and i dont mean like a week... take a month off... and assess ur feelings.
sadz
p.s all the best
Thank you for trying to help me out..firstly im a girl..im 18..and the guy is a few years older..i really like him..its been only two months since weve been dating..and no we have not had sex..and i dont think we ever will..until we get married..but thats not the issue..i feel that maybe if i do end it or take a break from this relationship..we'll never get back together..and hes an amzing guy..thats why i feel scared in losing him..i just wish he felt for me the way i feel for him..i hope you guys understand what im trying say..
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Maniac: *
Easier said then done fret....if she loves him she cannot let go too easily...
[/QUOTE]
Yes, but it seems like it's one sided love. She should realize this and move on since there's no point in continuing the relationship in this manner.
u've only been in it for 2 months! girl...... chill then... honestly..
think abotu it this way would u stay with a guy who is despirate for u but u dont like him?
somethings in life dont work out so dont worry u will find someone who is right for u and u r right for him :p
Best advice I can offer is
Never, ever stay with a guy you don't think your good enough for, because he probobly isn't good enough for you.
You deserve better.
And your to young to get hung up on some dude.
And as young as you are. Don't have sex just because he is ready to and your not. I predict if you do, relationship might suddenly end.
Don't trust him. Don't give yourself up for him.
If he was serious, you would know.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by waleed: *
think abotu it this way would u stay with a guy who is despirate for u but u dont like him?
somethings in life dont work out so dont worry u will find someone who is right for u and u r right for him :p
[/QUOTE]
yeap exactly...
plus 18 is too young to be getting involved with such a headache.. enjoy life..
the right person will come no matter what u do.. try letting go and see how much happier u feel bout urself and the world :)
walk away, there doesn't seem to be any potential future for the both of you.
Re: What should i do..
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by B|iss: *
Hey there people..
I wanted to know if anyone could give me some advise on my current situation in life..i am in love with a guy..who used to like me..and know hes become a totally different..he doesnt try to keep in touch..and very recently he felt that we should end our relationship..the reason for this is that he said that he wasnt sure that he could commit anytihng in future..ie marriage..and knew thatthats what i wanted..but he knew this before we started going out..so colud be that hes chagend his view after getting to know me..maybe he found me too forward or modern or that he disliked me and didnt see much of a future with me..whatever the reasons now i feel hes using me..to pass time and all..i dont want to believe that..but i feel that way..and so i keep texting telling him to end it..if he doesnt like me..hes a sweet guy and we faced alot of problems from my family and friends..but he stood by me..
The thing is i wanted to know..is that do u feel that he could be using me or that do u feel that hes just scared to commit..hes gone through a bad time with his previous gf..and after that for a while he became some what of a playboy..thing is i feel i can see him as what he can become..he has alot of potential and i dont feel i deserve him in anyway..
[/QUOTE]
same thing happened to me , but it is a bit otherwise.i m a guy.
i tell u my story . i was proposed by her parents many a times , almost two or may be three years back, my elders forced me to except her parents' proposal but i did not want a relationship with a gul who i dont know at all. she is living abroad so i dont know her perfectly but a year back she came down to my country. i never felt anything for her even she is my relative 'cause i think of marrying a gul who i can trust and know perfectly and mutually.
when she came here , i dont know how but i fell in love or effection watever u call it , with her. i suddenly talk to her and eventually proposed her .i cut all my affairs with other guls and a few of the guls were my frnds for years, to tell u the truth i was a bad play boy sort of a guy.i did this 'cause she asked me to do so , since i was sincere with her.
in the beginning of our affair she seemed to be much sincere but as the time went on, she started to show up something misterious. and then some body informed me that she is in love with a guy living in her country .
since the start of my affair with her i asked her to be loyal with me .and be truth full to me but she hided her affair ,kept me in dark. on the other side i told her wat all i did with other guls.and then i did make fun of me by calling her times and again and meeting her a few times . as u know ppl do when they r in stupidy of love.
but when she landed there back in her country, i asked some of my frnds to investigate about her and they told me that i have been fooled. i found her involved with a guy and she is deep in love with that guy.
she told me times and again that she is in love with me but i have seen the reality now..
i ought to leave her right there and then so did i.i left her saying we dont have any future 'cause i dont want to disturb her and myself any more.
because i wanted a sincere relationship . to tell u the truth i m tired of bieng involved with guls and i proposed her not for fun but to marry her.
but if she is interested in an affair only i can not stand it any longer, as u know we find alot of ppl arround better then previous ones . so why should i love her when she has betrayed me.but u know after her i left all these foolish activities because i dont see anything good in it any more.even now i go to many places like dance parties,fashion shows and all that stuff but i dont indulge myself the way i used to.
she fooled me saying she is in love with me and at the same time she is messing up with some one else, so i should get aside .
i dont wanna harm her by any means 'cause these things happen with ppl . either a guy dump a gul or a gul dumps him in an affair like these.
so no hard feelings but one thing i realized, that ' dont think of myself as a mature experienced guy , any body can play with any body '
so a piece of advice for u 'AT LEAST U SHOULD HAVE CLEARED UR FRND IN THE BEGINNING THAT U WERE NOT IN LOVE BUT FOR A FRNDSHIP ONLY.' AND i m sure that could have saved ur frnd ship.
i found ur affair somewat like mine so i wanted to clear u.
i think u should be clear now ,wat u should do with ur frnd !!!
Get rid of him... Plenty of single guppies here ;)
TTP= total time pass
i mean thats what this guy is doing to you....