Reha
April 26, 2013, 8:15pm
79
Re: What should I do?
To be honest, I put up with this because I don’t want a divorce. I can’t imagine myself being divorced and surviving in our two-faced society, I just can’t. And next, the thing is I’ve tried to speak up here and there but it always ends up backfiring. If I even say a word back in normal conversation she accuses me of being badtameez and then hubby tells me “you shouldn’t have”, even though he knows his mom was wrong. It’s like he tells me to speak up, but when I do, he tells me to agree with what ammi says. And honestly, If I knew MIL was gonna stay like this for the rest of my life I was NOT gonna marry him. He used to assure me his mom is a good-hearted person and she’ll change. I, on the other hand, being only 19-20 y/o used to believe him. Also, due to the fact she’s so known in the community for being a pious lady, does dars/taaleem and stuff, I always thought she can never do anything wrong. I always thought she’s doing all this “temporarily” when she used to cause drama before marriage.
The other day she even said "agar mere bagair koi takreeb hui yahan to dekho main kaise sabke saamne tumhari naak katwati hun". So, I can't take this. I don't like getting badmouthed in the community for something that I haven't even done. And the funny part, believe her! Since she's so "mazhabi", gives dars, always tasbeeh in her hand, people actually think I'm the evil one. I, on the other hand, don't even mention to anyone what goes on in my house (except GS and few close people). Heck, even my mom doesn't know everything!
LOL at "apki tabiyat sahi hai." If I say that, I'm probably gonna get a whole list of cursing thrown at me. I barely talk to her, only if I need to ask her about if I should serve food, if she wants chai and stuff like that. I fear my own words now because no matter what I say, it's always blown out of proportion. I know hubby is not my babysitter but he plays no role at all. It's like I need to fight for myself. He even says so. But, even If I do stand up for myself, he won't back me up. As a matter of fact, he'll tell me to not do it because "ammi bura manjayengi." I'm sick of it myself.
I always decide that I'm gonna take baby steps but in the very first step, either I get discouraged because hubby tells me something or MIL creates another big drama. I just go back to square one and nothing has gotten me anywhere :'(
I am not referring to a divorce. I am not even saying your husband is a bad husband. Yes, he needs to man up but let’s face it. This is your battle with your MIL and he cannot fight it for you.
IMHO, baby steps are what get you in trouble in the first place. You think taking small steps will ease her into a more comfortable mind frame. They won’t.
Do what you need to do and ignore everything she does. Do not do battameezi but do not back down.