system
April 26, 2013, 7:05pm
73
Re: What should I do?
To be honest, I put up with this because I don’t want a divorce. I can’t imagine myself being divorced and surviving in our two-faced society, I just can’t. And next, the thing is I’ve tried to speak up here and there but it always ends up backfiring. If I even say a word back in normal conversation she accuses me of being badtameez and then hubby tells me “you shouldn’t have”, even though he knows his mom was wrong. It’s like he tells me to speak up, but when I do, he tells me to agree with what ammi says. And honestly, If I knew MIL was gonna stay like this for the rest of my life I was NOT gonna marry him. He used to assure me his mom is a good-hearted person and she’ll change. I, on the other hand, being only 19-20 y/o used to believe him. Also, due to the fact she’s so known in the community for being a pious lady, does dars/taaleem and stuff, I always thought she can never do anything wrong. I always thought she’s doing all this “temporarily” when she used to cause drama before marriage.
The other day she even said “agar mere bagair koi takreeb hui yahan to dekho main kaise sabke saamne tumhari naak katwati hun”. So, I can’t take this. I don’t like getting badmouthed in the community for something that I haven’t even done. And the funny part, believe her! Since she’s so “mazhabi”, gives dars, always tasbeeh in her hand, people actually think I’m the evil one. I, on the other hand, don’t even mention to anyone what goes on in my house (except GS and few close people). Heck, even my mom doesn’t know everything!
LOL at “apki tabiyat sahi hai.” If I say that, I’m probably gonna get a whole list of cursing thrown at me. I barely talk to her, only if I need to ask her about if I should serve food, if she wants chai and stuff like that. I fear my own words now because no matter what I say, it’s always blown out of proportion. I know hubby is not my babysitter but he plays no role at all. It’s like I need to fight for myself. He even says so. But, even If I do stand up for myself, he won’t back me up. As a matter of fact, he’ll tell me to not do it because “ammi bura manjayengi.” I’m sick of it myself.
I always decide that I’m gonna take baby steps but in the very first step, either I get discouraged because hubby tells me something or MIL creates another big drama. I just go back to square one and nothing has gotten me anywhere
I’m sorry BusyBee but what you just said sound like excuses. I know you are in a tough situation. But YOU and only YOU can change your situation. Nothing will magically be alright without you even taking chances. It is not your place to take this abuse from your MIL and not say a word. If she wants she can curse her son and then you have no right to interfere. This is just ridiculous and it seems like you are just not gonna do anything about it.
Have you read the thread about this “rockon” who took the steps of leaving her husband after 7 years being in an abusive relationship? Maybe you should. We are not saying you should leave your husband. But not until you make some changes, your life will continue to be miserable.