What should I do?

[Reha]

Re: What should I do?

@BusyBee

Muzna, she’s not only insults, degrades, and embarrasses me but also causes unnecessary drama! Usually when we have dawats there are all kind of people, her age too, so she is busy talking to them and still manages to cause all the drama. But now, when it’s only our friends, I know what she’s gonna do. The last dawat we had, She caused so much drama that people came up to me and asked me how do I live with this woman! She deliberately threw a tray on food on the floor and people SAW her, and then blamed on me saying “kisi kaam ki nahi hai yeh, tray bhi sahi se nahi rakhi table per aur tray gir gayi”. And that was before people took the food. Then, she kept on nagging at me for little things in front of everyone and called me names like moti bhaens, nikammi, maasi jaisi shakal, and so much more! She goes out almost every day, and I can’t even step outside the house to check mail without her! Did I ever say anything to her? NO! For once I wanna enjoy without nagging and getting degraded! I want to be able to breathe!

Why? I don’t understand why you put up with all this?

@BusyBee

Actually, she does FEEL young. She compares her clothes to mine. I once said “ammi yeh color thora young logon ka hai” and she’s like “tumhari maa budhi hogi, main to young hun”. My mom’s the same age as her! She even says to some colors like agar “tum pehan sakti ho to main kyun nahi” even though she has to wear an abaya on top anyways! Oh and most important part, recently, she has started to go to MY friends houses WITHOUT telling me. Some of these friends work, some don’t even have parents/in-laws at home, just husband/wife/kids. She calls them when she’s on their way! A couple of them she went without calling them first, after being in the U.S for almost 14 years!! Some of these friends I’m not even close to, to tell them how MIL really is. So these friends call me and just give me hints of how inappropriate it was for my MIL to “stop by”. How embarrassing is that? Of course, I can’t even tell this to MIL because she will throw tantrums and blame me that I don’t want her to go to my friends’ house or I’m making this up or something!

Okay while I sympathize with the OP - I have one BIG problem with you BusyBee:

You’re making this happen and you’re NOT doing anything at all to fix it. As in nothing.

If an aggressor KNOWS they can hurt you - they will. Its in their nature to do so naturally so they WILL.

If you would like for her to stop - you need to change yourself first. You have not done so and you refuse to stand up for yourself. I know you’re hurt, oppressed and feel like you cannot breathe. If you cannot breathe because you have a medical condition - I get it. However, if you are standing in front of a tank of oxygen and refuse to breathe out of fear of a 47 year old woman who acts like that old grandma from My Big Fat Greek Wedding…you don’t have my sympathy.

You’re an educated woman. You MARRIED your husband against your inlaws’ wishes. You became a PERMANENT part of their lives when they didn’t want you to. This fear of the MIL - where was it when you signed the Nikah papers??? You have guts. You’re just choosing to be helpless right now. Situations like these are infuriating to me because you’re EQUIPPED to deal with this but you won’t.

If I were you, I’d have that party without her and I’d take control of my life. She bad mouths you in the community because she knows she can walk all over you and you won’t do diddly squat in return. Who will question her? Challenge her? You? Who cannot even get your own mail? She treats you like a joke because that’s the position you’ve given yourself in your own home. Open your mouth. Next time she drops a tray full of food like that - say “ammi, apki tabiyat sahi hai?”

You refuse to fight for yourself but then complain about others mistreating you. Your husband is your husband - not a magician and not your babysitter.