What should I do?

[BusyBee]

Re: What should I do?

@WendyDarling

Forget the party.
If I were you I’d demand my husband to get me a separate place to live. Your MIL is cruel. Why are you letting yourself be treated like that by her?

Wendy: This is our separate place! But, MIL and FIL decide to come live with us for 9-10 months out of the year. And the other two months, they visit other family here and there. My SIL and BILs come to stay at my place too. MILS/FILS own house that my husband bought for them is locked. It’s not even like that house is small or anything, it’s bigger than our house!

@doppelkopf

Wow. The level of ego in that sentence right there. As opposed to whom? The girls born and raised in Pakistan who are without a professional degree? How does it make you any better? How is being born in USA, and being able to afford a degree, a matter a pride for you lot? I thought pride was about achievements. I was also under the impression that education is supposed to make you a better person. Oh how diabolical of your MIL to not want to be left alone at her age.

Wow, I guess you failed to see my ego when I wrote what I’ve been dealing with for the past 6 years. I wouldn’t be married to this man, or live in his family if I had ego problems. I wasn’t comparing myself to Pakistani girls with a degree in any aspect. I was just stating a fact that PEOPLE around me tell me! I guess people know that no american born/raised girl will tolerate this or any girl in today’s generation for that matter. I only said that because people have told me that. And also, I was also giving the impression of girls/women who were ill-treated back in the day, and still decided to stay because of the divorce threatening and “log kya kahengay” stigma. Also, her age, is not a concern and shouldn’t be. She’s only 47 and mashallah wayyyy more active and social than me…outside the house, that is!

@Muzna

tbh…I’d expect someone with a professional degree to be better versed at handling such a person diplomatically, or at the very least, with some skill as compared to those that are not. but that’s neither here nor there.

what confounds me is that fact that you are not “allowed” to go and check the mail without her accompaniment…

you abide by rules like this?
your husband permits this?

Yes, I abide by this because I can’t tolerate drama! She creates drama anyways, but I don’t want any more of it. My husband has no choice because he “respects” them. He doesn’t speak up. He doesn’t permit it but even if he were to say anything, they won’t change…and that’s what he has told me. He tells me to ignore all this and that’s what I’ve been doing all these years. Hubby sides with me in front of me, and then when they say something, he follows that.

    Another big reason is that even when I don't say a word back to any of them, my MIL goes and says bad stuff me in the community...to the point that some aunties have started giving me taunts of evil bahu. I have never said anything to MIL even when she says "kutti haramzadi" to me just because the chai was not hot or her clothes weren't ironed. So, I don't speak up because I fear that if w/o me saying anything to her, the community's already starting to hate me and give me taunts then what if I really did start talking back, she's probably gonna blow everything up in the community too, not that I need it any more outside the house!