my family are the total fun loving party sort and am the first one amongst my cousins to be getting married (IA) in summers '10.
my fiance’ is quite religious MashAllah.He wants a purely Islamic wedding. He’s totally against the function of mehndi with abundant mingling of both the genders with all the hooligan dances and music scene.
That obviously is justified as the old ‘saat suhagan who come to put hinna on the bride to be’ is actually the original Hindu concept behind the Mehndi Ceremony. So there’s no point in arguing over this that it is Islamically justified.
Meanwhile all my cousins and immediate family are quite mad at me for even suggesting this. As that would be killing the fun out of the entire thing.
So what should I do?! Should I go for a mehndi (without inviting my in laws, just having a total informal ceremony within my own family) or do i totally forgo that and just have it the way my fiance wants ?
I would want views in the light of religion, as well as how can I balance it and keep both sides happy. Am sure alot of people would know the true Islamic teachings better than me
PS I know the Holy Prophet (SAW) loved the scent of mehndi and encouraged his wives to put it on. That’s not the issue. It’s the function and the whole gathering that has got me confused
hmmmm...well as far as religion is concerned, i think anything that doesnt oppose or go against any islamic belief can be done. Like that mehandi rasam u mentioned, Mehandi is woman's singhar item and liked in Islam too. So I dont think there should be any prob doing it even in case it has come from hindus culture which i am not sure.
Secondly, yes you can do a small mehandi at your home and do not invite inlaws. Tell your fiance that your family n cousins are putting a lot of pressure on you and you and ur parents are okay with keeping a small purely family function. I think he should be okay with it.
^FairyTale , I know mehndi is one of the singhar items totally liked in Islam as I mentioned earlier too. But the function itself is another story. And alot of things are involved that make the whole thing unislamic if we really do see it in the true spirit of Islam.
Hmm yes that does seem the feasible option in my opinion too. let's see what do other guppans say about this as well :)
There doesn't need to be a conflict! I've already had my nikah done and my rukhsati will be done later this year. My husband/fiance is not into the whole mehndi thing either. Plus, I wear hijab and wouldn't want a mixed function anyways. That's why I'm going to have a ladies only function in my house. There won't be any music either, just the dhol and singing. The women from my in-laws will be coming. So insha'allah we're still going to decorate the place and have fun etc. Sometimes, you just need to put your foot down :)
Oh, if you're having doubts about the permissability of the mehndi itself, then I would disagree. As long as you're not doing something that conflicts with the laws of Islam then there shouldn't be a problem.
I would disagree with the idea that the whole idea of the mehndi comes from the hindus. Even the arabs have a henna party in which the women get together and sing etc. Just because we share aspects of our cultural traditions with the hindus does not make it bad or haraam. As long as we're not copying their religious ceremonies or doing things that have roots in their religious tradition and it isn't conflicting with our own religion then there isn't a problem.
Have a girls only function! I did too and though the men in the family objected over not being invited, my parents and I were firm about it and there was nothing anyone could do. It's my function and I can have it any way I want.
I agree with everyone here...also just something to think about, music itself, is a disputed issue, it is not something that is straight out haram...many ulema and Islamic school of thoughts say music is not haram, as long as it is not vulgar, i personally do not believe that music is haram...but dont put on songs like Om shanti Om...so many people will put it on and dance to it, I'm sure they dont realize what they are doing, but they should pay attention to what they are listening to....
but other than that i think having a girls only party will be an awesome idea, and in fact probably even more fun, because then ladies who are more modest in their dressing, will be able to get dressed up and wear clothes they wouldnt wear in front of men...and also dance and sing and have more fun.
Gosh no offense but it really upsets me when people ruin mehndi/shaadi/etc because its a once in a life time, and the people that are 'mingling' are related. Whats the big deal? My uncles mehndi was amazing because we all see each other as brother n sister so boys and girls were dancing and jus having a GOOD time!
Its totally up to you if you have a mehndi without inviting your inlaws if it doesnt cause you any grief in the meantime with your hubby then go for it. If its gonna cause alot of problems then avoid it.. again it feels like the whole wedding scene which is meant to be a fun time gets sucked out when things like mehndis aint allowed and the wedding is seperated. Not nice at all..
A girls only function should solve it for the most part. it is Islamically unlawful for women to dance in front of men. You can do a mendhi event later with both men and women where there won't be any dancing and they'll be separated to either sides of the hall. Good luck!
Oh, if you're having doubts about the permissability of the mehndi itself, then I would disagree. As long as you're not doing something that conflicts with the laws of Islam then there shouldn't be a problem.
I would disagree with the idea that the whole idea of the mehndi comes from the hindus. Even the arabs have a henna party in which the women get together and sing etc. Just because we share aspects of our cultural traditions with the hindus does not make it bad or haraam. As long as we're not copying their religious ceremonies or doing things that have roots in their religious tradition and it isn't conflicting with our own religion then there isn't a problem.
exactly i totally agree with that. mehndi itself is not wrong. i was just talking to my mother. she said that the basic 'idea' of having a mehndi where the bride to be sits and all the married ladies come and put hinna on her, is somewhat not Islamic.
@soni27 .. the funny part is my in laws are not against it at all. but they know their son isnt wrong so they have to stay quiet over this :p
@MB i know that does suck out the fun totally. and in my family my cousins are totally like bros/sisters. we have even been living together through most of our childhood as well. but I myself after Umrah made this pact to myself that I would try to change for good. and am totally convinced about not doing anything that is unIslamic.
what my fiance says is that this happens to be the biggest step in our lives. If we want Allah's blessings to be on us always, why not start it the way that pleases Allah. you just cannot deny that now haina :)
a girls only function is a great idea for most of it. :) i would invite my in laws. my MIL and my jithani (SIL). she's the fun sort too. they would enjoy it and I dont think my fiance would have that much of an issue
thanks alot girls... ! this is helping me make up my mind what would be ok and wouldnt cause too much of problems with my hubby. as what's the point of upsetting him by defying him, and celebrating my own shadi to him then ;)
I can't help but say Mashallah on your thoughts and your decision about not having anything unislamic on your wedding or even during the rest of you life :) Mashallah.
May Allah swt keep his blessings upon you guys! Congrats and best wishes!!
Well hun have a *all *Women's mehndi function instead then, And even if women do come up putting mehndi on your hand... Is that really a big deal? Is it jus not fun?... and if women can dance they can coz its all women. Even the prophet (saw) let his wives all dance together. right?
Also if theres any hijaabis they dont have to wear it and jus have a good time with the all the women. Plus get women photographers etc.
[QUOTE]
I can't help but say Mashallah on your thoughts and your decision about not having anything unislamic on your wedding or even during the rest of you life :) Mashallah.
May Allah swt keep his blessings upon you guys! Congrats and best wishes!!
[/QUOTE]
Well hun have a *all *Women's mehndi function instead then, And even if women do come up putting mehndi on your hand... Is that really a big deal? Is it jus not fun?... and if women can dance they can coz its all women. Even the prophet (saw) let his wives all dance together. right?
Also if theres any hijaabis they dont have to wear it and jus have a good time with the all the women. Plus get women photographers etc.
I don't think Islamically its all right but if I were you I would a small private function with just my own family. Where we can dance, celebrate, put mehndi and all. You have to respect your in law's wishes because they are right. Just to do something for your own cousins and family, you can do a smaller gathering and let them have fun.
*my fiance' is quite religious MashAllah.He wants a purely Islamic wedding. He's totally against the function of mehndi with abundant mingling of both the genders with all the hooligan dances and music scene. *
That obviously is justified as the old 'saat suhagan who come to put hinna on the bride to be' is actually the original Hindu concept behind the Mehndi Ceremony.** So there's no point in arguing over this that it is Islamically justified.**
I'm not even Muslim, and I hate mendhi parties; religion has nothing to do with it: some folks just really hate mendhi parties.
Meanwhile all my cousins and immediate family are quite mad at me for even suggesting this. As that would be killing the fun out of the entire thing.
So what should I do?! Should I go for a mehndi (without inviting my in laws, just having a total informal ceremony within my own family) or do i totally forgo that and just have it the way my fiance wants ?
Why not do both: have an informal "Hen night" where you and the women of your family laugh and dance and put on mendhi; that's 10 times classier than those cheesy mendhi parties with the pre-set itineraries and choreographed dance routines. Call it a "Bridal Shower" if you must.
PS I know the Holy Prophet (SAW) loved the scent of mehndi and encouraged his wives to put it on. That's not the issue. It's the function and the whole gathering that has got me confused
There's a big difference between putting on some henna and putting on an elaborate spectacle: no-one's gonna stop you from putting on some henna.
