I'm not even Muslim, and I hate mendhi parties; religion has nothing to do with it: some folks just really hate mendhi parties.
Why not do both: have an informal "Hen night" where you and the women of your family laugh and dance and put on mendhi; that's 10 times classier than those cheesy mendhi parties with the pre-set itineraries and choreographed dance routines. Call it a "Bridal Shower" if you must.
There's a big difference between putting on some henna and putting on an elaborate spectacle: no-one's gonna stop you from putting on some henna.
obviously no one's gonna stop me from putting on henna. i like it.. though i dont like its smell :( hehe
and yea more interesting ideas. we had one crazy hen party at my best friend's wedding. it was ALOT of fun.
and giving it a name of bridal shower seems a good idea too :) thankz !
I can see your dilemma-it's never easy keeping both parties happy.
Like others said a female only do should solve the mingling issue.
As for the rituals that are purely based on other religions have a word with your family and suggestion all the girls apply a bit of mendhi on you-that way everyone is included but it's not the 7 happily married women ritual (does that make sense).
I'm assuming your future husband will have an issue with music/dance. Dance wise if you do keep that element in your mendhi get people to do a loodhi (the group dance with sticks). It'll be fun plus it can be preformed to no music too.
If women want to sit around and sing they sound always use a daff (is that how you spell it?!!!) the drum with no tinkle that is allowed in Islam.
Hows about adding other things to the mendhi that will keep people occupied and keep your other half's family happy (if you invite them)? How about games that can be jazzed up-pin the tail on the donkey can become pin the plait on the princess, pass the parcel can be done to some sisters who may wish to sing without muslim and so on...hope that makes sense.
you could have a women-only function, or a small scale event, with close family and friends only. let the in laws know that you guys will be doing a small function because of whatever xyz reason (family tradition, etc) and they are welcome to participate- do not hide it, because these things have a way of coming out in the open and biting you in the ass later. they can choose whether they wish to be a part of it.
theres ways to scale down, other than cutting the number of guests attending... instead of a dj, or band baja, you can simply have a dholak, for example.
if it looks like it will create too much tension, either give in and skip the function or find a groom who is ok with you and your families beliefs.
t the end of the day, dont let this get in the way of your future happiness, and make your decision accordingly.
I didn't have a mehndi function as such as I didn't want to implement the whole 'rasm' thing into my wedding. To be honest the whole sitting down and people doing the 'rasm' has no basis in islam and yes the 'rasm' is derived from hinduism.
But there is nothing in islam that says you cannot have a fun preparty, dress in yellow, apply henna sing songs have fun etc in a women only environment like a girly party. You could even wear the traditional dress as there is no haraam in that, invite all your friends relatives and have fun. That's what I opted for, and I didn't need to invite my in laws either.
As long as you dont go to the extremes of boys and girls dancing with each other which is pretty accepted in pakistani society nowadays but isnt really part of deen then there is no harm.
By the way i'm not judging people who have proper mehndi functions as each to their own, but the poster was asking how she could get around it and have fun at the same time.