A couple of months ago, my parents received a rishta from a family residing in the Mideast with a son working in NYC. They asked me my opinion and I said why not..lets meet this guy. So my parents and his parents decided that we should all come together (we live in Canada and so getting everyone in one place was kinda hard because of visas etc. ) they decided it was best we met at guys home in Middle East.
So my entire family takes time off to make this big trip and get there only to find out their son missed his flight because he got food poisoned. And then his boss found out he didn’t leave for his vacation so he called him back to work. I did not believe that for a second. We were all so upset but his parents were so apologetic and tried to assure my parents that he wasn’t lying and this was all true.
Anyways, my patents said they wouldn’t make any decision without meeting the guy and without me meeting him and my approval. So they were like ok cool he’ll definitely come to Canada to meet you.
Of course, he didn’t. He always said he was too busy and what not. But he kept in touch with my dad..regular phone calls/emails. Two weeks ago, my parents and I had to go to NY for some other work and asked him if he was okay to meet us. He said ok. We met and talked for a bit. He seemed really nice and he gave me the impression that he thought the same about me. The next day his parents called and said their son wanted to get to know me more. But I didn’t hear from him so I just emailed him. He replied back with a few questions and I replied right away with answrrs and some of my own questions about basic things like drinking and smoking. Now it’s been over a week since my last email. I know he’s seen it because he emailed my dad saying that he got my email but has been busy and what not.
I just can’t help to think that there is definitely something wrong. I keep thinking his parents are forcing him. Wouldn’t someone who was even a little interested take some initiative ever?!?! Am I wasting my time? Is he just avoiding the questions I asked? What do I do?
Tough situation. Good luck whatever the outcome. I cant offer much in the way of advice.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
We can't read his mind. If you don't get a good feeling about him and if you don't feel respected, then move on. He's not more than an acquaintance; it doesn't seem as though even a friendship has developed between you two. You haven't invested much emotional energy in him, so moving on shouldn't be difficult. Consider other rishtas and if he cares enough, he knows how to get in contact and stay in touch. This way you won't put your life on hold for him, you'll be busy with various activities.
Another option is to email him and ask him to clear things once and for all. But then I think why show him that you care so much when he can't be bothered? Things shouldn't be based on solely his feelings about you and this rishta. Take your own observations and needs into account. Even if he does get in touch, pay attention to whether or not his actions match up with his pretty words.
Yet another option is istikhara. I hope matters are resolved soon.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
hold up
you're in canada.
he's in NYC
his parents are in middle east.
You and your parents actually took the time off from work, bought tickets to fly to the middle east just to meet some people you barely know.....and you're disappointed that he doesn't show up?
WUH?
You claim there were visa issues--clearly there were no visa issues between going to NY-Canada. Who in the world decided that you should travel all the way to the middle east ot meet the parents?
The logic here is escaping me...
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
^^
A different perspective :)...
Let us not question the OP here. It was a nice travel opportunity for the entire family I guess.
I think the guy is playing it cool. He definitely wants to know the girl better before he makes a final commitment. He is too scared at this point in time. If I was in his position, I would also do the same thing. A family which travels around the globe to meet a person for the first time itself without any prior meeting would definitely scare me.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
Agree with Sara and StormRaiser, he might be viewing you as desperate/clingy sort of
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
i cant buy this that he got food poisoning and couldn't fly to meet your parents and you and that his boss called him back to work when he found out he didn't fly. i mean common, he was on leave and if the leave is granted then it is granted and you have the leave and you can avail it and your company can not take it back whether you utilize your leave for the purpose you mentioned or you utilize it doing something else!
i would say that you first should determine how much this rishta is important for you like if you are at the age where good proposals are difficult to come by and if you really are in a hurry to get committed then you should put an effort and dig out what the issue is with the guy. why is he acting the way he is.
but if you are not faced by any of this then its better to leave this rishta and move on for good.
I am with sara and guddi on this one. The logic of whole family flying to middle east to meet some random fella.. Never heard of this..ever. However...from looks of it..this doesnt sound like probable prospect for ya eh. Lets hope for the best and inshaallah may something positive come out of this...
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
Play it cool like he is.... and whole family going to ME wasn't a good idea. I always thought traveling between US and Canada was easy until your post.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
Travelling from Canada to the US and vice versa is very simple. Also, food poisoning doesn't last that long and he could've caught a flight a day late. He may be busy depending on what he does but IMO you and your family look kinda desperate and/or he's just not that interested. I'd let it go.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
Forget about traveling to the Mideast - let's say he really did get food poisoning. But there was no excuse for him to not come up to Canada to visit you as a courtesy since your family made such an effort to enable to first meeting which he missed.
At this point, his lack of communication indicates indifference IMO. Why can't he at least make the effort to talk to with you on the phone or to email - no one is telling him he has to marry you, but at the very least he needs to make an effort to get to know you and give you an opportunity to get to know him so that the more important decisions can be made.
If I were you, I would keep him on the backburner and meet other guys. So far there's nothing to say yes or no to - so consider other options unless you see other signs from him.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
The fact that he hasn't responded your email for a week means that he's not THAT interested. Maybe he's looking into other people as well.
[QUOTE]
If I were you, I would keep him on the backburner and meet other guys. So far there's nothing to say yes or no to - so consider other options unless you see other signs from him.
[/QUOTE]
^ agree with this
As a fella..i can assure ya..if i am not interested in a girl..then i would not take lead for sure..So there is always..NEXT :D
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
^^
A different perspective :)...
Let us not question the OP here. It was a nice travel opportunity for the entire family I guess.
I think the guy is playing it cool. He definitely wants to know the girl better before he makes a final commitment. He is too scared at this point in time. If I was in his position, I would also do the same thing. A family which travels around the globe to meet a person for the first time itself without any prior meeting would definitely scare me.
mmmmm no I don't buy that.
If it were a matter of convenience, OP would have said "My family and I were planning on visiting middle east and thought it would be convenient to meet them during our trip."....but no...this trip was to actually go and meet them.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
A couple of months ago, my parents received a rishta from a family residing in the Mideast with a son working in NYC. They asked me my opinion and I said why not..lets meet this guy. So my parents and his parents decided that we should all come together (we live in Canada and so getting everyone in one place was kinda hard because of visas etc. ) they decided it was best we met at guys home in Middle East. So my entire family takes time off to make this big trip and get there only to find out their son missed his flight because he got food poisoned. And then his boss found out he didn't leave for his vacation so he called him back to work. I did not believe that for a second. We were all so upset but his parents were so apologetic and tried to assure my parents that he wasn't lying and this was all true. Anyways, my patents said they wouldn't make any decision without meeting the guy and without me meeting him and my approval. So they were like ok cool he'll definitely come to Canada to meet you. Of course, he didn't. He always said he was too busy and what not. But he kept in touch with my dad..regular phone calls/emails. Two weeks ago, my parents and I had to go to NY for some other work and asked him if he was okay to meet us. He said ok. We met and talked for a bit. He seemed really nice and he gave me the impression that he thought the same about me. The next day his parents called and said their son wanted to get to know me more. But I didn't hear from him so I just emailed him. He replied back with a few questions and I replied right away with answrrs and some of my own questions about basic things like drinking and smoking. Now it's been over a week since my last email. I know he's seen it because he emailed my dad saying that he got my email but has been busy and what not. I just can't help to think that there is definitely something wrong. I keep thinking his parents are forcing him. Wouldn't someone who was even a little interested take some initiative ever?!?! Am I wasting my time? Is he just avoiding the questions I asked? What do I do?
Either your parents are loaded or desperate - no disrespect intended. Who takes their daughter half way across the world to meet a guy? Have you guys never heard of Skype?
Even if you went and he flopped, most families would take that as an insult and never consider such a guy again. Your parents however took you again to his doorstep in NYC. The whole you needed to go to NYC for 'some other work' is hardly believable.
How else can an obedient, gutless desi son tell his parents and other 'uncles/aunties' he is simply not interested? He is making it quite clear. You guys keep pushing yourselves on this man.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
As usual the OP has disappeared leaving us to fight it out.:D
I think seriously we should only allow posters who have posted a minimum of 102 posts to open a new conversation in life1..
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
mmmmm no I don't buy that.
If it were a matter of convenience, OP would have said "My family and I were planning on visiting middle east and thought it would be convenient to meet them during our trip."....but no...this trip was to actually go and meet them.
Sara I was being sarcastic. Thought you would do better of all the people...:(
Dont tell me that you too were being sarcastic;)
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
Sara I was being sarcastic. Thought you would do better of all the people...:(
Dont tell me that you too were being sarcastic;)
Lol, sorry I didn't get it!
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
What others have said. He is not interested. And please tell your parents to never fly across the world to meet potential rishtas! There's skype and telephone for that. Once things proceed and the guy and girl like each other etc, THEN maybe the parents can fly across the continent. But even then, as a daughter, I would tell my parents to ask the guy's parents to come visit us. Why should my parents have to pay enormous amounts on flights.
Re: What should I do with this "busy" boy?
Maybe you guys should have got the hint when he failed to show up claiming 'food poisoning' and an epiphany of his boss that he been given leave in mistake? I mean how plausible is that story?
He sounds like quite a catch considering how, for want of a better word, k*eenly *you guys have been pursuing him, even travelling half way across the world to meet him. But if he is indeed one, chances are he might have other options at hand and is not so dependent upon Mummy dear sitting in Dubai or Doha to find a girl for him.
Perhaps it's time to move on. He might, just might, still show some interest in this 'rishta.' But I won't be betting on it. Not by a long shot.