So your family isn’t your family, but its your in laws who are your “real” family. That’s what my mother told me. The home u’ve lived in alll your life, isn’t yours really. Your real home is wiht ur husband and HIS family. WTF kinda crap is that?? 
I tried to tell my mother that it’s all bull, it’s just pakis who think that way. I don’t think there’s anything in Islam that says, ur real family is ur in laws…Even living with in laws isn’t farz but “nice”… Ugh… I’ve been in a bad mood ever since 
Re: What kinda BS is this??
This is called cultural BS...
The only real homes that humans have are their mother's wombs and their graves...
This house that house is all cultural...
When your husband is abusive, you can call for a divorce...
But in a way this is a good cultural practice...It ensures an obedient wife...:D
Re: What kinda BS is this??
Well, is there anyway to escape that cultural BS??? I wanna get married, but I guess I can’t rely on my parents to find someone coz they’re gonna get like-minded guys. I’m not saying not all culture is bad, but crap like “this isn’t really ur home” just boggles my mind. I know my parents luv me n stuff but … 
…n if I have a “inferiority complex” well so be it. Ugh…My friend (white) told me, “you can always get a divorce” and I told her that’s the worst possible thing you can bring into a marriage, coz it implies that you have no faith in the marriage and it’s doomed from teh start…
Re: What kinda BS is this??
i couldnt have said it better meself!!!
Re: What kinda BS is this??
how did you get from in-laws being your ‘real’ family to divorce?? 
Sara, it is a somewhat cultural thing where the girls in-laws become her family… but this idea has developed somewhat from religion. in that a woman should be obedient to her husband (of course he has duties towards her too) and i guess most men would want their wives to love their families as they do themselves. Also, the children from a marraige ‘belong’ to the father - and as an extension his family - more than to the girls family, so i guess that has something to do with it too.
I wouldnt worry about it too much, inshallah when you do get married you’ll end up loving your in-laws as much as your own family anyway, making these worries obsolete (it does happen, i kno quite a few girls who really love their mother-in-laws!)
Re: What kinda BS is this??
dono the family concept in islam or like the traditional way but i think they sumed up this myth just to defy the husbend respect/value or watever u cal it.
Re: What kinda BS is this??
I'm all for the traditional way of family n stuff, but this whole "ur home isn't really ur home" is just utter nonsense... ugh... stupid idiots
Re: What kinda BS is this??
i think it is bs nothing else. both families is ur families and both homes is ur homes and both should be equal :) of course mother has priorty :)
now get rid off this stupid tought from mind and relax sara baji, smile and comeback in ur good mood :)
Re: What kinda BS is this??
i thought husbend has priority over everybody.
and to be real .... i think they might mean nothin but to get a gul mentaly ready for their new lyfe with their family lawz becoz most of the time its not the same as the guls real parents house.
Re: What kinda BS is this??
Sara516 i think ur mother is just trying to prepare u and also herself that u have to eventually leave home and get settled in a life of ur own raising ur own family.......so why does it seem so wrong to u? The term 'real family' means just that and nothing else.
It seems sad to see people coming here and calling what their parents say BS without even thinking twice. Atleast try understanding what it means.
When u get married u leave home and start a new life and hence that becomes ur family, ur kids and ur husband the place u build for urself and urfamily is called ur home and these things take priority over everything else.
I am sorry if i seem harsh to u, but i find it very annoying when someone uses terms like BS & WTF as if its nothing. I donno whats up with people these days, they talk about their traditions as if its something insulting and dont even think where do they stand without it? trying to adopt a culture which is not theirs and looking down upon their own.
Its such a shame! I guess thats why there are so many problems being faced by us. We need to learn to respect ourselves and our roots. There is nothing wrong with our traditions that teach us to respect our elders whether they r our parents or someone else's. No where in our religion are we told to serve our in-laws like servants, all we have to do is treat them like our parents, whether we live with them or not.
I think we should do to others what we want others to do to us... simple isnt it :)
I am sure Sara when ur going to be a mom ur gonna think the same way coz u too would have realized by then how life works and u'd be nervous too that soon ur daughter who u love so much will be leaving u :)
So just relax dear and take things as they come...I am sure u'll do perfectly fine :)
Re: What kinda BS is this??
I think that sometimes American (or western) Pakistani's integrate so much into this western culture that we forget where our backgrounds are from. Honestly living in America it is hard for me to understand this too, but when I went back to Pakistan last summer I realized that its true....that beti sirf do din kay liye ghar mein ho thi hai, phir puri zindagi aapnay susral ki ho ja thi hai.. Ur mom will always be ur mom, but ur mother in law is I guess like ur "new" mom. Just try to think of it in a positive way....u go into marriage with a positive attitude things will inshallah stay postitive for u....go in with open arms not closed...u will be happier that way (inshallah) trust me!
Re: What kinda BS is this??
^ you sound like a new mom too
Re: What kinda BS is this??
Sara, we have the same saying in my family too. Girl’s real home is her in-Laws home (Dhee Puraee Imanaat Hondee ay! – “a girl is on loan to her biological parents, until she goes back to her in laws”). My sisters took this saying very literally and now own their own houses after kicking their inlaws out and claiming the house as their own, and got all the property papers transferred into their names as well.
Good luck to you. Go and claim what is rightfully yours.
Re: What kinda BS is this??
Sara - first things first.
Why worry about or stress about something that you don't have to deal with yet? When you get married you will marry a guy as close in thinking and values to you so it won't really matter too much.
I would worry about finding a guy first :)
Re: What kinda BS is this??
Okay first… It’s not what my parents specifically say that pisses me off, it’s the thinking that goes behind it. And no I don’t understand why the home you are born in is not considered a home. If that makes me a ABCD then whatever. There’s nothing wrong with questioning certain aspects of our culture. Of course, the family yu create takes much more importance over the family you were born in, I’m not arguing that. But why are the parents who raised and sacrificed you just “loans”? And I didn’t know going against such thinking makes me want to adopt some other culture. I respect myself, I respect my parents, I respect the country they came from; I just don’t agree with some cultural traidtions, or way of thinking..
Don’t give me ideas! j/kRe: What kinda BS is this??
oh my golly… kiya zamana aageya he!!
Re: What kinda BS is this??
Yeah, I agree Sara. Thats very Hinduistic typa bull...
Re: What kinda BS is this??
I think I want to get married in Pakistan too, so when I go back for my yearly two week volunteer work. I can have a soulmate there as well.
I should keep one in NC and carribean as well
Re: What kinda BS is this??
oh my golly kiya zamana aageya he!!